Just that really

[holbycityaddict]

Aibu when I was growing up my mum and I had a mental list of people to be wary of and stay well clear of I grew up and the list grew and now I'm finding im making a mental list for my son I feel bad but safety is paramount and I won't let my son leave my hip will he grow up resenting the lack of freedom or be glad I sheltered him...... has anyone else made a mental list with there kids my boy seems to be adding people to the list that he's not comfortable around so he gets the idea of it all by himself thanks Mumsnet (oh and no your a crappy mom comments ) cheers

@ Anniegetyourgun @TheAntiBoop

I read that without taking a breath!

Just people I'm not happy my son being around in our neighbourhood I trust no one my baby my responsibility
And he instiguites who he wants to put on the list

In answer to your question anyway - no, I have no such actual mental list. I try to take each case on its own merits.

I have never kept my DDs attached to my hip, as far as I am aware. How restrictive for them and for me!

Sorry I'm shit at English punctuation

How old is he?

I think you risk making him see dangers where there aren't any and unable to identify hidden dangers

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface

Too late, you're already done for.

Perhaps a name change to GhostOfKingJoffreysRestingCuntface is in order?

So you have a physical written list? He helps decide who he wants on it?

Sorry, but I find that very odd. Be careful to stay on the right side of discrimination.

Op, I completely understand being cautious and advising your son to stay away from say the known local criminals/weirdos/similar. But you need to be mindful of finding a balance between caution and not wrapping him up in cotton wool.

At best, your child will end up being completely niaive about the world, at worse he will end up with all kinds of issues, social anxiety, general anxiety, lack of coping skills, decision making etc etc.

Much better to explain the ways of the world in an age appropriate way and give sensible guidance than make lists and rules etc.

See I understand that you'd raise your child to be conscious of how people make him feel; we have a friend who has remarried a woman, nice enough person. We visited them shortly after their wedding and after we'd come home DS1 (who is generally like a dog and enjoys everyone's company) asked if it was ok to dislike an adult. I said of course, he went on to explain that the new DW of this couple made him feel 'funny, but in a bad way'. I explained that it was his instincts kicking in and that the funny feeling was his body's way of protecting him. It could have been nothing, it could have been something, but I promised him right there he needn't spend time with her ever again if it made him uncomfortable. That I respected and heard his concerns and would always act on them to keep him happy and safe.

It's fine to teach your children to be aware of others. I draw the line at any sort of 'list' though; you're entering into the sort of territory which could limit his chances for independence and happiness if you keep him to yourself all your life.

Well this seems healthy. Not at all creepy and paranoid.

Are you not British? If not, where are you from? (Asking based on your last post)

As far as I can tell, pretty much every country in the world is more culturally friendly towards children than Britain. In continental Europe I've seen young children up late at restaurants and their parents quite clearly expect them to behave but even if they don't, nobody minds really.

For you to be so bothered as a British person is ott.

Not sure how old your son is op but if he is of school age and mentioned that to a teacher I can just imagine him/her pulling you up in the playground to elaborate, sounds v strange.

You actually sound quite paranoid, not being nasty that's just my own observations.

I'm up packing for my 14 yo ds to go on a school trip to Germany in approx 3 hours time, he has AS, the world is scary but you have to let your children be children and not be scared of people without good reason.

I find your son having a physical list of people to avoid quite disturbing.

It's only a precaution and it's not written down it's how i was raised he's nearly 5 and he will ad people himself i do feel guilty but it's how I keep him safe he's got special needs and normally trusts everyone and if having a mental list of people that he doesn't feel comfortable being around is bad parenting then so be it

But how do you start?

Do you look at physical traits or shifty behaviour?

It's fine to have some guidance but you haven't really specified how someone qualifies for the list?

It's not nice to be afraid of the world - it limits you

What??

Drip feed...

I dont really get what qualifies as someone on 'the list'. There may be people he doesnt know properly yet and is 'shy' with but if he got the chance he would love to be around them. Are you stopping him doing that? If so YABU.

You dont always 'click' with someone right away, doesnt mean you can ignore them for life and put them on a 'list'. There will be plenty people he finds strange at first then gets to know them, you cant keep him wrapped up in cotton wool forever.

What do you mean you "wont let him leave your hip"? How on earth is he going to learn to socialise with others if you never leave his side?

It has to be the heat right