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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I would like to have a full nights sleep

9 replies

Sleepdeprivedandexhahsted · 19/06/2017 05:04

I guess this is more of a rant than anything else. I haven't had a full night of sleep for about 2 months now. I started a sleep diary which confirms it. My dp (though less of the d at the moment) has been away for the past 4 weeks with work, he told me 48 hours before he left despite knowing for at least a week that he was going away. This left me dealing with our young dog on my own, on top of working my full time, very stressful job.
He has not been consistent in training the dog and therefore it needed to be trained again to be left alone at night. I was also up almost every 4 hours for housebreaking.
My job has me on call and sometimes he would phone me late when I was trying to sleep early and then not actually have anything to talk about (grrr!)
He came home early as a surprise and I was happy about that. I stupidly thought that finally I'd have some support and be able to have a full nights sleep. Alas it was not to be.
He undid the dog training on the first night back. It was back in our bed and waking me every hour to go outside, of course he was far too tired from his "hard work" to deal with the situation he had created. When I put it in the kitchen he went and brought it back when he got up for the loo! He also brought all his dirty washing back and sulked when I wouldn't do it for him.
I explained that I really needed to sleep and that I was finding it hard to cope of the few hours a night I was getting by on. I said that I would appreciate a bit of help around the house this weekend eg. Hoovering, clearing up after himself, getting a few groceries in (he ate everything available in the house pretty much straight away).
Last night, the dog was brought in again and made a lot of noise and I was pushed to the edge of the bed. I'm ashamed to say I totally lost it at that point and went to sleep on the sitting room floor, all the while thinking 'what the hell has happened that I end up on the floor of the house that I own?' To add insult to injury there were empty crisp packets and crumbs all over the sofa, the sink was overflowing with dirty washingu, and half drunk cans of coke on most available surfaces!
I don't ask for much, all I want is respect and to be able to have enough sleep to function well. I've been awake since 3.30am because dp's alarm went off and then he bashed about getting his stuff together, switching on all the lights as he went. I'm not even sure how to approach this with him as I'm so permanently exhausted that I'm not able to think in the way I usually would. Perhaps he is actually doing his best and I'm too tired to see it...maybe I'm being entirely unreasonable...?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 19/06/2017 05:44

You know you are not being U.

He sulked because you wouldn't do his laundry FFS!

For a start, don't leave your bedroom: if the rule is the dog doesn't come in, and your DP brings it in, ask DP to sleep elsewhere with the dog.

The dog is currently the main problem: if you bought it together you share the responsibility. Do you want to keep the dog?

Loopytiles · 19/06/2017 05:45

If you both work FT and he travels for work in addition having a dog was a shit plan.

Sleepdeprivedandexhahsted · 19/06/2017 06:30

Luckily he doesn't always travel for work, it is only twice a year at the most. He usually takes the dog to work with him so it's no trouble having one, and it's not oir first dog, although i have always trained the others. If I have notice of when he's going away I am able to take time off work/organise dogsitter.
Tbh, I feel like I could easily manage with just the dog, but not with dp undermining me over things. And it does seem really disrespectful of him to continue to watch films/sports in bed with the volume on, and continue to bring the dog upstairs, when I've specifically said that I need a full nights sleep.

I don't want to sound like an utter B but it's not even like he has a job that requires him to be on the ball where he works on average a 5 hour day, unlike my job where I have to be constantly alert and often work a 60 hour week.

OP posts:
gottaloveascamhun · 19/06/2017 06:44

Do you hAve children op or just the dog? Are you planning to have children?

Penguiney · 19/06/2017 06:47

Please do not have children with this man.

redexpat · 19/06/2017 06:47

He has no regard for your needs. Ditch him. Do you like the dog?

Westray · 19/06/2017 06:47

Don't have kids.

Sleepdeprivedandexhahsted · 19/06/2017 07:05

We don't have children, I don't think I would be able to cope with raising a child on my own. The dog is actually a sweet little thing and i love it. I may be overreacting to everything simple because I am tired. I suppose I should try to talk to dp about it again.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 19/06/2017 07:42

Yes, tell him he let you down and needs to share the responsibility of training the dog; and (when you're exhausted) stop needlessly interrupting your sleep in other ways.

Agree with PPs his selfishness and lack of concern / respect for you doesn't bode at all well if you would like to become a parent in future.

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