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to play out or not to play out? Settle an argument please

14 replies

Solongtoshort · 18/06/2017 21:33

Can you tell me Wibu here?

My nearly 5 yo dad plays with the 2 grandkids from next door every time they come at the weekend to visit their father.

I don't like him playing out with them because he doesn't seem to understand when the say lm not playing with you he cries, the girl is always bossing him about and she tells him to fib, sends him in asking for things to eat and drink can she use the toilet play with his things, she just walks in the house l obviously tell her to leave and that she isn't aloud in our house. She was up the stairs a few weeks ago l was fuming.

Dh let's him play out with them when lm not here (obviously because it's less hassle for him) then he doesn't take responsibility when things go wrong.

I understand my ds needs to learn to stick up for himself but he is only nearly 5 and l don't think he should be out playing with these horrid kids, he isn't street wise nor do l expect him to be at his age.

Dh thinks he is fine and it will toughen him up ( but he would think that seeing as his things didn't get ruined today, it was something of mine)

Wibu me or dh?

OP posts:
Solongtoshort · 18/06/2017 21:35

Sorry about the lack of grammar and spelling. I am furious about my damaged things.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 18/06/2017 21:37

How old are the other kids? What did they ruin?

cariadlet · 18/06/2017 21:37

How old are these 2 children? Does your son want to play with them?

AlcoholandIrony · 18/06/2017 21:39

I don't think the issue is letting DS play with the visiting kids from next door.
It's the boundaries for which they can play. Maybe limit playing to outside with a few choice toys and that's it!
No traipsing in and out of your house.

Your DH should have as much pride in your (collective) things as you do. And occasionally stepping in where play gets out of hand isn't unreasonable either.

Solongtoshort · 18/06/2017 21:48

I am doing like a collection of photos of my family and displaying them in a timeline, nothing expensive just my time and l can replace the pictures.

These kids are 6 and 8. Yes, but l get the feeling it's more about being outside, which he loves.

Alcohol l get your point.

I usually am pretty calm about things and can be rational about these things but l am so angry and l don't like these kids, they have no respect for any of our neighbouring properties gardens as well.

OP posts:
skyzumarubble · 18/06/2017 22:06

What do you mean by playing out? My 5 year olds don't play anywhere apart from in the back garden supervised by us?

Solongtoshort · 18/06/2017 22:59

I mean playing in our front garden and their front garden, but you have hit the nail on the head with the word supervised, there clearly was none and my chosen place for ds to play is in our garden too.
My dh thinks he needs friends, l do too but friends l choose.

I am still not calm about this but after a lot of arguing, ds won't be outside at all, until he is much older.

OP posts:
BandeauSally · 18/06/2017 23:05

Let your DS play in your front garden, tell him nowhere else, just your garden, his friends can come in and play but only the garden, not in the house. If they come in, send them straight out and remind them of the "not in the house" rule. Children do bicker and squabble but they need to experience it to learn how to deal with it. It's good for social skills and this is how your son will learn his own boundaries and how to stick up for himself. If it crosses a line into bullying that's when you step in and stop them coming over.

BandeauSally · 18/06/2017 23:06

And put your important stuff away when you aren't using it!

steppemum · 18/06/2017 23:07

I am huge advocate of playing out, and have let mine do so when some on mn would throw up their hands in horror.

But 5 is too young to be out the front near the road unsupervised. I wouldn't allow that until 7, and then in controlled chunks.

BandeauSally · 18/06/2017 23:07

ds won't be outside at all, until he is much older.

Oh don't be ridiculous! Your son needs to play outside. Your front garden is perfectly fine for him to play.

VestalVirgin · 18/06/2017 23:09

Doesn't your son have any friends from kindergarten or school?

He needs children his age to play and socialize with (not saying every child does, but as he lets them treat him like that, he clearly is desperate for company), locking him up inside the house is not the solution.

Your husband needs to change his behaviour, and change it immediately.

I wouldn't tolerate someone letting random children destroy my property. He lets them into the house unsupervised, they could have destroyed something irreplaceable. Your husband needs to learn to respect your feelings and by extension, your property.

... and you should complain to the kids' father. At 6 and 8 they're plenty old enough to not enter strangers' houses without permission, and to not destroy property if they're allowed inside.
They should also know better than to bully a younger child.

Offherhead · 18/06/2017 23:13

"Friends I choose".
Right. Well that's all the info i need. YABVVVVU.
We all have to learn appropriate boundaries. Choosing friends for your children is a sign you have a very unhealthy approach to parenting. I can see how you might be upset about your things being damaged but I think you're focusing on the wrong problems in your family.

Whosthemummynow · 18/06/2017 23:17

l don't think he should be out playing with these horrid kids

They're 6 & 8. Horrid. Really?!

My dh thinks he needs friends, l do too but friends l choose

Choose his friends??!!

If you don't want him playing out. Say no. It's not hard. Or maybe invite them to play in your back garden.

but you have hit the nail on the head with the word supervised, there clearly was none

Are you assuming that someone else was supervising your ds?

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