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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that you shouldn't feel lucky to live out your days with your husband/wife.

7 replies

ModreB · 18/06/2017 19:33

I've just seen this BBC link. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-40312767

IABU that it's a right to live happily with your partner until you die and not be made to be grateful for the privilege of doing so?

OP posts:
fluffandsnuff · 18/06/2017 19:39

I get your point, but it's not a great example- he broke his hip so needed to be in hospital, and then was moved to the same care home so kind of disproves your point! However, I imagine there are a lot of cases where couples are split up because they can't find accommodation in the same place, and I know I wouldn't want to be separated from my other half.

Farahilda · 18/06/2017 19:40

I'm nit quite sure what you mean.

He had a fall that required hospitalisation 6 weeks before the anniversary, and staff made sure they could be together in the day. She has dementia, and is living in a home with care round the clock and may not have been aware that it was such an anniversary,

They have not been able to live together since she required full nursing care. Are you suggesting that she should not be receiving that care? Or that he should have been discharged from hospital before they thought he was fit to leave? Or something else?

CaveMum · 18/06/2017 19:47

DH's grandparents were separated for a good while. His Gran had Alzheimer's and needed to go into a specialist home and they didn't have room for his Grandad. He stayed living a home for a year or so, then moved into another home and after a few more months a home was found that could take them both and meet both their different needs. They didn't share a room though.

ModreB · 18/06/2017 19:53

The point is that a lot of people that need care are moved against their will and the will of their families into accomodation that is deemed suitable but excludes their partners as part of the household.

Anyone in need of nursing care probably has a family, partner, etc who has beeen caring for them on a daily basis for a long time. The needs of the whole family should be taken into account. Especially with elderly people who get very distressed if familiar people including partners, are not around.

OP posts:
OddBoots · 18/06/2017 19:57

What kind of care model are you proposing? One where the partner of the person needing specialist care moves into the specialist care facility too?

VikingVolva · 18/06/2017 19:59

Bottom line is that if you are self-funding, you can have that in entirely private nursing homes.

But for tax-payer funded placements, the beds go first to those who need them for physical care.

It would not be acceptable for someone to be refused a place, or moved hundreds of miles from their family, because someone who did not need that level ofmcare was occupying a space.

And it's going to be hard enough tot fund social care at this utilitarian level over the next couple of decades.

If a younger person required long-term institutional care, the family can visit freely but don't move in. And it doesn't change with age.

GloriaGilbert · 18/06/2017 20:01

If it's a priority, self-fund.

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