Auntie favouring one child

[Wendalicious]

Hoping you can give me some perspective- my daughter had a birthday this weekend and my sister in law has just called me asking when she can bring gifts over? I said I felt uncomfortable as it was my sons birthday last month and this was totally ignored!

It's not about the money at all it's about treating them the same (one year apart) and now she things I am mad and we have fallen out! I always try to treat the kids the same so this goes against every feeling I have about that! She says that he won't have remembered but I don't think that's the point- discuss xx

Sorry, another addendum - she absolutely DID remember you son's birthday.

She fucking with your head.

You're an awesome Mum.

YANBU. Keep sticking up for your son and don't allow sil to question your decision.

I don't understand why anyone would thing this is ok! If my brother and partner only bought presents for one of my dcs I would be livid and no, of course you're not being grabby. I would also never buy for my niece but not for my nephew!

*think

Thank you all, got involved in Father's Day stuff appreciate your replies x

i can't agree with a lot of the posters here that it is deliberately showing favouritism etc without knowing her response when you told her she hadn't remembered sons birthday and whether she has done this before. And I'd be interested as to whether she has kids of her own.

I think that's so awful - I've always treated my two children exactly the same and would expect everyone else to ... my mum used to always bung my eldest son a few extra quid and when I found out I went mad and told her to make sure both of them had the same or don't do it at all - just so wrong whether they remember it or not

She forgot your son's birthday, irritating but hardly the end of the world! Don't fall out over this, call her and explain why it upset you but that it's time to move on and forget it. I suspect that she's mortified really and won't forget in future.

No kids of own and always been a bit one sided child wise!

When I told her how I felt, didn't get it at all!

I think it would be unnecessarily mean to use this as an opportunity to teach a 4 and 5 year old that life is unfair. Better your SIL's feelings are hurt than your son's in my opinion.

My sibling did this DD got lots of presents, DS got some sweets.
When I mentioned it, it was awkward, but sibling said it happened not because she didn't like DS but because the relationship with DD was much closer. Sibling doesn't have DC. So I left it, at least he got something. He sometimes was the favourite with other family members so it evened out.
I always bought my nieces (sisters) similar presents, even though I couldn't stand one of them, she was rude, nasty and still is. But I wouldn't have left her go without a gift as a child. I still have a lovely relationship with the nice one now she's an adult but never see the rude one.

You were absolutely 100% right. So much so that you can make sure you get your point across and still look reasonable!

'Don't worry about it, but no of course there's no way we want you to just being the present for one - last thing we want is for you to look unfair to the children, we would be really upset if DS ended up thinking his Aunty didn't like him as much, we'd be gutted if they didn't BOTH feel close to you.'

:)

RebelandaStunner, closer relationship or not, this was unfair of your sibling, and your other family members.

Rebel that is still unacceptable, and really its not on to have a favourite child, I could never get one and not the other, its something a consiciance. Op, so she has a form for this, I am so glad you told her, it is not acceptable and your son will start to notice, and will will probably affect him. better your SIL is hurt, than your child.

I am closer to ds than dd, probably because of her ASD, and she can most of the time hate affection and warmth and is aloof herself, ds loves cuddles and is very warm, but I would never ever treat them differently. The only one who would know, is me.

I agree it's unfair but you can't force people not to have favourites or treat dc equally.
Sibling has always been like it with other family members too, doesn't see it as wrong even when pointed out. It wasn't just pointed out by me but by my dsis whose DS was treated even differently- no presents.

So therefore no presents for either child then!

Rebel you can't force people to like your kids equally but you can refuse to tolerate inequality. It has long lasting effects. These aren't almost adults, they are really young kids who will grow up aware of the discrepancy. It does neither any favours and may damage their relationship with each other.

Awful behaviour in my opinion. I would rather she didn't get a gift for either of them (I'm sure the children won't be asking where is so and so's gift) than get a gift for one but not the other. I would thank her for the gift but still decline it. I'd be embarrassed to behave like she has. I hate inequality and unfairness.

Awful of her. I agree completely that they should be treated equally.

I realised today (thanks facebook) that I'd forgotten my cousins youngest kids birthday. I am close to 1/5 of both my cousins kids, but always until today treat them equally when it comes to presents.

Instead of ignoring his birthday completely, I've contacted his mum to apologise profusely for forgetting. I may at some point have a discussion with both cousins about stopping birthday presents between second cousins!!