To ask what to expect from therapy?

[Glitteratii]

I get up, get dressed, go to work, smile, go home and feel utterly exhausted because it is all a lie, a lie I have lived for years. I honestly believed that 'getting on with things', 'picking yourself up and moving on', 'grin and bare it' etc would work - it's time to admit it hasn't.

I had some counselling for anger some years ago as I was going through a rough patch, but it felt so wrong.. The counsellor didn't really reach out to me - it felt so impersonal. She gave me photocopied resources and spoke like a self-help book. She admitted she didn't think there was anything wrong with me, and told me so. She even outlined some of her other patients' situations to help me see I was alright. No, I wasn't in danger, I wasn't bravely fighting domestic abuse, I hadn't harmed myself. It put me off psychiatric help for years.

Nowadays nothing's really changed; my only comfort is solitude, because that's the only time I feel I won't disappoint anyone. My loneliness and sadness is through the roof and I really want to fix it.

What should I expect from counselling / therapy? What's the difference anyway? There are so many different names and qualifications for mental health workers, I don't know how to start choosing someone! I am worried that I won't be able to describe my experiences adequately and the therapist will misinterpret what I'm trying to say.

Too much fear, too many worries!

Can anyone help?

Please be kind, mums net, please.

Dashing off but will try come back this evening.

Counselling can be done by people who aren't therapists! The one you saw didn't sound very professional and more of an emergency help type thing then long term therapy where you can develop a relationship.

I'm a therapy client not professional btw.

I've had two terrible therapists before, and the worst did exactly what you say above - told me how I wasn't as bad as her other patients, which just made me feel like she didn't care about me and thought I was a time waster. Awful really. The other literally did nothing, he just sat and looked at me for 50 minutes then took 80 quid from me.

I currently have a wonderful therapist - he is CBT and ACT based, but it depends what works best for you. This works for me as it's very structured to make changes in my life. Because of past experiences I actually had conversations with three separate therapists before I selected him, and did research/ looked for reviews and training on all of them. I would trust your gut and if you have any doubts about the person you are speaking to, look for someone else!

I had a form of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). It helped me identify disordered thinking, and where it came from, then challenged me to interrupt it and behave differently.

Basically, I was caught between being a very conservative, buttoned down, controlled and controlling person and being a laid back, let it all hang out person. I was helped to identify these attitudes and reflect on them and make some more ordered choices.

I've also had counselling where the counsellor listened sympathetically and said 'oh dear, that sounds tough' a lot.

And counselling where they helped me find coping strategies through a complex and distressing situation.

The first, with a qualified and experienced psychotherapist, was life changing. The others helped me cope with immediate situations.

Talk to the GP. You may need medication. That's fine, too.

When I had counselling the therapist created a safe space for me to talk things through without fear of being judged or dismissed. The sessions began usually with a general question from her about how I have been since our last meeting. That would flow into a conversation that was mostly me talking with her listening and asking questions here and there, or giving an insight.

She didn't give advice, she helped me answer my own questions through asking her own as as well as directing the discussion to areas she maybe felt were important.

She did not judge and she certainly did not try to tell me there was nothing wrong or it could be worse.

Metaphorically I still feel like I have left my hurt and confusion and depression in her hands, in her therapy room, years later. Though I know that sounds slightly bonkers.

Your experience sounds awful and I am so sorry that you have been living with these feelings for so long because of it.

I think mine was person centred therapy but she did refer to it as counselling. I think you need to find a therapist where you feel listened to. If you feel like you have to defend yourself or like you are not understood then that is not the right person for you.

By the way, don't undervalue 'going through the motions'. It hasn't cured you, no, but it is a good strategy in the mean time. When you let yourself stop (as I have) it's flippin hard to get started again.