Work colleague makes up 'funny' stories for attention

[Fudgeandtoffee]

Name changed.

So in some ways she's lovely. She's empathetic, friendly, extrovert, happy.

There's only one problem.

Her conversation can be great. She's a great listener and seems to know how to show interest in others. However, when she speaks her conversation generally revolves around funny stories. It's obvious to everyone that these are either entirely made up or exaggerated.

She got drunk and fell into her sisters wedding cake. She got drunk and told her old boss she fancied him. She pretends people have said things to her 'oh mark from accounts said I was beautiful'. Some story would go unnoticed but you can clearly tell after a few weeks of knowing her these stories don't add up and are far too dramatic.

She's witty and naturally warm and funny and she could be absolutely amazing if it weren't for these stories.

I don't think she'd know what to talk about without using them. That seems to be her only form of conversation.

I actually feel a bit sorry for her as everyone is laughing to themselves when she comes out with these outlandish stories.

We still all like her and miss her when she's on annual leave but this conversational trait is horrendous and will likely mean she struggles to make lasting friends.

I know she moved up here from her hometown 4 yeas ago and I think she's quite lonely. I think her interaction with work colleagues is the only conversation she gets.

AIBU to be annoyed? And is there anything at all I can do to help her become less like this?

She was an intern before and has now been given a full time and well paid job. I'm hoping this new experience will mean she has a move exciting life and more real things to talk about!

I'm not sure it matters. Some people rely on talking about the weather, others on complaining, others on funny stories. I am very expressive when I talk. DH can make a crisis sound like a tedious errand. He accuses me of exaggerating. They are just strategies for communicating.

When people know each other, they know how much credence to give to their stories. She may claim bosses have to help her all the time because she is used to running herself down because someone else would if she didn't. Who knows. It's not malicious, it's pretty transparent, it's probably harmless.

No, my one not Scottish but could have sworn you were describing her!

You think that was dramatic?

It sounds like she has self - esteem issues. Like she feels that she needs to be better than herself in order to be worthy of attention. Her thinking she looked awful is a symptom of that.

You say you like her, but the way you talk about her makes it appear like you pretend you like her because others actually do.

I'd stay out of it.
You are not her therapist.

Places of employment throw together a hotchpotch of people, some in normal life you may choose as friends, others not, some are strange, some nasty.

Whether she is quixotic or lonely isn't really your business.
As long as everyone is polite and professional then that's all that really matters.
I would focus on working rather than chatting, if she wants to make up stories and waste everyone's time- that's her call.

You don't have to listen or get involved.

If she's making up stories about her behaviour at her sister's wedding then who cares... but the work stuff is more serious.

Can you talk to her line manager? Or react as you would if you actually believed the stories 'God, that's awful. Probably misconduct of some sort. Have you been to HR/raised a grievance?' etc. She may realise that making up stories about work is more trouble than it's worth.

She sounds like a couple of MNers

One or two spring to mind as having such totes hilaires things happen to them all the time, you just know it's going to be them the minute you open the latest "funny story" thread.

You couldn't make it up...oh, hold on...

It seems strange that she lies about managers helping her with things and that her achievements are not her own but due to something dodgy - when it sounds like she is actually a competent, physically attractive, likeable person??? I wonder if as a child/young adult she was told that she couldn't possibly be good at things/achieve things/be competent in the work place so she hides her worth under a web of self-deprecating lies about incompetence, silliness and general falling about! A bit like when someone says "That's a nice dress" and we reply "Oh this old thing, it's awful and makes me look fat" because somehow it's embarrassing to accept that we look nice?

I'd just give her the side head when she tells a tall tale, not laugh, then move the conversation on but in a positive way - "hey, I'd love to hear more about [small, reasonable detail from story, or something quotidian that she might have mentioned earlier in the day]"

She is popular and beautiful, questionable stories or not!
ahe sounds as though she is dong ok !I think you don't need to worry

It's an attention seeking device but the reasons why are myriad of course. I actually think these people are very dangerous because when challenged, they rarely back down on a fixed view. I suspect the line between truth and fiction is a blurred one in their own minds thus it's not malicious but the results of what comes out of their mouth can be devastating. I think the best thing is to say "Oooo you with your tall tales, what are you like?" Ad infinitum. That way people will soon learn A) What she is like and B) That you are in no way taken in by the BS.

Divorced.... many fat people can be beautiful and loved. I'm a size 16/18 and definitely loved by my lovely husband. I've never had a problem finding boyfriends (well, before I was married) and I know plenty of beautiful fat women; some are loved, some are not (much the same as slim women)

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about her: that she's lonely, that she won't have lasting friends, that she does it for attention, she never got attention from men etc., do you know this to be true or is is your take on things?

it*

I know two people who do this. They tells lies that are incredibly easy to prove as such, and I have no idea why they are not scared of someone sounding the bullshit klaxon and exposing them.

How do you know Mark from Accounts didn't tell her she's beautiful? You've said yourself that she is.

The first two "outlandish" stories you mention relate to stuff she's done under the influence. Do a lot of her stories stem from things she does when drunk? It's hardly beyond the boundaries of possibility that she does encounter some interesting mishaps when drunk and less inhibited.

One of my best childhood friends is like this, she's always made up 'hilarious' unreal stories since we were children... But I just take it as part and parcel of who she is now! I did once gently tell her that I knew it wasn't all true (e.g she'd be late for meeting up somewhere and claim it was because she'd helped to deliver a baby on a train...uh-huh...) and since then she doesn't do it so much any more, just exaggerates things for comic effect. She's lovely and naturally very funny anyway, she didn't need to make things up to be more interesting!

I asked her why she did it once and she said it was to see how far she could push people, see what she could make them believe. But I don't think she realised that everyone in our group was just humouring her!

I suppose it used to irritate me a bit when we'd meet new people and they'd be awestruck by her amazing (unreal) stories that I knew were patently untrue. I'd feel very boring in comparison with only my real life to talk about!

Have you called her on any of her stories?

I had a colleague who used to make up stuff. One morning he told me that our boss had been complaining about my poor time keeping and how I didn't work enough hours. I worked very long hours so I thought that was odd. I think he did it to make me go off into a rant which he could get a laugh from. Instead I just pretended to be concerned and told him 'I'll talk to X about that when he gets in'. He then back pedaled faster than a Tour De France video on rewind. When our boss came in I went into his office, shut the door, and then had a nice conversation about a project I was working on. My colleague didn't know that though. It gave him a good fright and he didn't pull that nonsense with me again.

I had a friend like this. Really nice guy but almost everything he said was an exaggeration or a lie. I knew a lot of it was lies as he'd say things to others about things that had happened when I was with him and those things had never happened. I eventually ended the friendship because it was too frustrating.

He wanted to be a stand up comedian though, and they lie and exaggerate to make their acts funny so I think he was just living that life in his head, 'practicing' and enjoyed making people think he was funny.

I know someone like this, it's annoying!

Her stories always revole around imaginary arguments she's had with people. 'My parcel came late so I said YXZ to the delivery driver' sure you did

Others are just general over dramatisations, even if I was there is see what actually happened.

E.g. We were had got off a train and were walking to the venue when it started to rain, so we got a taxi. When we got there the drama was ramped up to the rest of the group. 'It was pouring with rain, X wanted to walk but I was like no way, and waved down a taxi' (complete with demo of her shouting 'taxi!')

She didn't flag down a taxi, I did.

It's weird and annoying, but the lies are so ridiculous you petty to point them out.

They're clearly made up stories. Such because some of the examples in my OP could be true doesn't mean it's not obvious the stories and fictional.

She will tell a story and then forget who she told it to and this time it will be a different person in the story. There's countless other proof her stories and untrue.

I'm not saying it's the crime of the century but it's very sad and such a shame. And I'm not sure what if anything I could ever do.

• just because

I know the type and there's a few on here just the same.

You only need to read the thread title to make a good guess at who has written the latest episode of their hilarious life. Even when they nc regularly you can recognise the tone and the me me me me I'm amazingly funny me me me mindset.

They seem to trail a few faithful cronies who lol helplessly along with them which reinforces their belief that they're really talented when it comes to writing a witty turn of phrase. Except they're not.

I think it boils down to an almost pathological need for constant attention and affirmation because deep down the person thinks they're pretty shit.

She sounds very immature and trying to gain positive attention. When she says something utterly ludicrous I would raise my eyebrows and say, 'Really? That sounds almost unbelievable.' Or, 'Gosh, I know Mark/ Boss pretty well and that's really not been my experience. By the way your hair looks nice today.'

Try to engage her in normal conversation to get across the point that she can be interesting and have friends without the daft stories.

I doubt she will change totally but currently she's embarrassing herself and if she's fundamentally a decent person it would be kind to try to help her.

I had a friend like this.
She could talk for three hours on the phone about her hilarious life.
It was weird, I never got bored. She had a real talent for presentation.

It started to dawn on me that these stories left no space for anyone else to contribute to the conversation. She was always the hero of the piece.

It was mostly exaggeration but there was some truth in it. It started to get really tedious. Then I started to find out that she had been lying about some very important bits of the stories. ie.
She would also get very involved in other people's issues and turn them into massive dramas so she would have yet another story to tell.

It was exhausting and caused no end of trouble.

She moved house, away from everyone she knew and I hoped things would calm down and she would have a more settled life.
She just started the whole thing over again. More dramas, more hilarious stories about her mishaps.
Leaving a trail of chaos in her wake.

She recently got a dx of bi polar disorder. I think it was all about thrill seeking and attention because she was either 'manic' or in search of stimulation.

Its a shame. Underneath all that 'omg you won't believe what happened to meeeeeee!' is a kind but confused person.