so I got my divorce today (sweary thread, sorry)

[divorcedandpissedoff]

My decree absolute arrived unexpectedly this morning, the agreements haven't all been signed so I wasn't expecting it yet.

I'm in a foul mood and f'king p'd off. WTF is wrong with me? AIBU to be torn between anger and upset? The ex was a tosser to say the least and treated me like sh*t so I should be out having a party, right?

Maybe it's grief for the marriage you'd hoped you'd have? Maybe it's a little shock, too, that life's gone in a different direction. I think you will feel good about it eventually, but initially there's a definite sense of loss. Be gentle on yourself for a while; there's no right or wrong way to feel.

When I got my divorce through, I spent the night getting absolutely obliterated and the next few days, like you, torn between anger, resolution and sadness. Like whoooo has said I was mourning the loss of the marriage I wanted rather than the one I had. No one goes into marriage thinking 'ah, if it's not right we'll split up'. Again as whoooo said be gentle with yourself, the feelings will pass - honestly.

It's a horrible time isn't it, I mean I'm glad to be single in a way but I am so bloody lonely while the ex is in the middle of wedding plans for August, or should I say is in the process of creating a vacancy

Oh well, the sun is shining and I can sit in the garden and get slaughtered tipsy tonight.

You are grieving for the loss of your 'happily ever after' and all the hopes and promise from your wedding day. It will pass and it won't be long before you feel the way you think you should relieved and happy

Anger is a stage of grief. Also, you weren't expecting this so you haven't had time to prepare for it. The Signing of the Papers Ceremony is a way to get closure.

Congratulations on your divorce and good luck for the future

Can you have that party anyway? Any chance of getting out with mates soon to "celebrate"? It might make you feel better, even if you're faking it. The anger will subside. And keep thinking about the many times he was a wanker.

I was sad for a day, even though we'd separated four years previously and I was already living with new DP

As PPs have said, it's grief for what you thought you were going to have, not what you ended up getting.

Feel your feelings. Then chin up - you have the rest of your life ahead of you!

I didn't feel too cheery when my decree absolute came through. Just terribly sad that it had ended so badly, relieved that it was all over, bereft as I sort of had to redefine myself and didn't know where to start and angry that I had wasted years of my like on a man who so wasn't worth it. I hope your mood lifts soon OP and that you can 'reframe' it all and look forward positively

Congratulations on getting rid of the tosser.

Try to focus on the positives.

Slightly off topic but your idea of a 'sweary thread' is rather different to mine.

Yeah I did tone down my swearing a bit as I was trying to calm down. Not feeling any fucking better though, it's hot, I'm stuck in the house and it's too early to start getting drunk. I had contemplated inviting a friend round at the last minute but she's celebrating her wedding anniversary today and i don't want to rain on her parade so I haven't told her that it's come through.

It is not too early to get drunk!
It's past 5pm ffs.

I am well on the way

Sorry, you lost me at "too early to get drunk" - it's Saturday and gone 5pm! Unless you have a newborn or some other huge responsibility then just do what you like. This is just one of the stages, you won't feel like this forever

Yeah...going to get started..in the absence of anybody to scream Fuck off at loudly or anybody to sit with me whilst I cry I might as well get pissed. It's only me and two dcs in the house, one is finishing GCSEs and the other is in the middle of a levels so I'm keeping it from them, they don't need to see me stressed

Congratulations, have a drink to the start of your new life. The end of my marriage was tinged with sadness at what I thought it was going to be versus reality but 7 years on it's like a different lifetime. This too shall pass.

We're all here in spirit! Sit in the garden, have a glass of wine, keep chatting is your friend still going over to you?

No, she's not. We hadn't got anything planned but I know she'd come round if I asked her but it's her wedding anniversary and she's all loved up so I'm not spoiling it for her.

I remember when mine came through. It was memorable for the fact that it barely registered. My marriage had finished about 15 months earlier and I had dated several (far better) women in the interim.

Enjoy your new life. That's the best way to get revenge.

I thought that you both had to sign something before the DA was granted? It seems strange that it went through without two signatures and no consent order.

I thought that as well. I refused to sign it as it was inaccurate, ex had reduced his income on it. next thing I know the DA arrived.

No, once Decree Nisi is granted the Petitioner can apply 6 weeks after Nisi with the Respondent being able to apply three months after the six weeks should the Petitioner not apply. As long as the application for ancillary relief has been made the finances will be sorted in due course and do not hold up the making of the absolute.

Still it must have been a shock if you didn't appreciate this.

You are doing well holding it together for your kids. Open the wine and have a big slurp. Life will get better.

Sorry you are feeling this way OP. Like you say, creating a vacancy! Change something in your life so the thing is reminiscent of change and forward thinking or.....get a dartboard and a photo of him......