To think my friend was fucking rude?

[Mymoonandstarsx]

Friend asked me out for dinner. Met after work. We go to the restaurant and she wants to move tables to be near a plug socket to charge her phone.

(Backstory she's been with boyfriend six years, constantly break up and get back together and he's cheated on her multiple times)

We start eating main course with her constantly texting him and getting worked up. We order dessert.

Whilst waiting she calls him on the phone at least 3 times shouting and crying etc .., it's very embarrassing and I was just sat there staring into space for 20 minutes.

I then snapped and asked to cancel the desserts and paid and told her we were leaving. Aibu?

What did she say when you cancelled the desserts?

I think you sound like a good friend who has reached their breaking point. It's very tough to be in the position where you see history repeat itself day after day with no change.

I ended up distancing myself from a friendship when it became apparent that despite hooking up with every violent and unpleasant dickhead within commutable radius, my former friend was more determined to have a bloke - any bloke - in her life, than she was to try and work out why she kept going for dickheads and putting her young son's best interests first.

YANBU.

Nothing wrong with asking you to meet up and talking about her relationship issues, but continually texting and then calling him (3 times!!) and crying in the middle of a restaurant is immature and attention seeking.

She selfishly wanted an audience for her drama. This is why she is still in a car wreck of a relationship in the first place.

Sounds exhausting and I think you did the right thing. Why did she want to sit in a restaurant shouting and crying She sounds like she is addicted to the drama of it all and like mentioned previously prefers to have an audience to witness it all.

I think you should cut her some slack this time. Fair enough that you cancelled dessert and left, but don´t told it against her. I would imagine she asked you to meet up for dinner because she was so upset about her boyfriend and needed a friend to lean on, and then you got caught up in the drama of it. I doubt she set out to give you an awful evening. Part of being a good friend is letting people be less than their optimal selves and still being there for them.

So what's happened since then OP?

mymoon sorry you did say in your op that she rang you to arrange it. Tbh that makes it even worse. She wanted an audience. She'd be too much like hard work for me. As I said previously I wouldn't accept that in a restaurant from a teen let alone a grown woman.

Btw, it sounds like you have been a great friend to her. And yes, everyone has a breaking point so I think you were entirely within reason to cut the night short last night.

I can understand why you snapped, being the sideshow to a publicly played out drama with weeping and wailing in a restaurant is ridiculous. I don't think YABU at all.
Different if you were in her house or yours, but there's no need to have a toddler style tantrum and drag everyone else into it.

I've got one similar to this. The 'boyfriend' is her job/manager. The whole thing is making her totally miserable and it's not going to improve. We've been having the same discussion for two years. It's very tiring. I manage a sentence in response to a question then it turns back to her job.

YANBU she probably needs a short sharp shock.

Friendship IS about being there and supporting your friends. But friendship IS NOT about being an emotional washing machine and being audience to their drama.

YANBU
But the question now lies - do you still want a relationship with her? Because it sounds like it's pretty one way to me

When I'm out, I will use my phone once...usually to remind DH to let the dog out for a wee!! But the rest of the time, it stays on silent in my bag. It's so bloody rude to sit there using your phone when someone is sat opposite you. YANBU. At all.

Yanbu. It's so draining listening to this for year after year. Some people just thrive on the drama.

I really wish that restaurants would insist that people leave their tables to receive/make phone calls. I bet the really really important calls wouldn't be so important if people had to get of their asses and leave their table. But that wouldn't suit public performers. Ywnu OP.

Yanbu.

I think your patience has run out hasn't it? I'd be furious too.

Split the fuck up, waste of time relationship. She could be with someone better. He's really playing her. 6 years is too long for this sort of crap, she's wasting her life.

So she not only spoilt your meal, everyone within earshot was party to her 'conversation'?

As a former parent of young children (now late teens), who struggled for both money and babysitters, I would've been very upset to have a rare evening out spoilt by someone who couldn't be bothered to 'take it outside'.

YADNBU!

Yanbu, she sounds like a bad friend to you! Why couldn't she keep her drama for after the meal? And to keep you there for 20 minutes while performing like an embarrassing fool. How inconsiderate to others as well. Hopefully this would have made her realize how selfish she was. 6 years of this drama? I know exactly the type.

YANBU - I have no time for drama llamas. A friend in need & I'd be there in an instant but this just sounds painful!

Oh I've had this. Friend wants to go out for a big night out.

Turns out it's just a way of making her new ex jealous that she's out enjoying herself. Spent the whole night texting, calling and arguing with him

I used to have a 'friend' like this. Constant crying, screaming on the phone, leaving work early to go and fight with her latest lover, she even left my wedding for a coup,e of hours to go and fight with her asshole boyfriend. After years of constant sympathy and gentle advice, she accepted wedding and baby gifts from me, used my wedding decorations for her own, then deleted me on FB. Entirely her loss, unsurprisingly, her life is still a pathetic 14 year old-style shitshow of her own making,

I would be fuming that she would do that malarkey at dinner, that she couldn't wait.

Why people text/FB in other people's company (especially if it's just the two of you) beats me, why, just why bother meeting someone if you have no interest in conversing?

I'm sure you are sympathetic OP, but this is so damn rude!

I don't get why you cancelled her dessert. I would have cancelled mine paid for my meal and drink and left her sitting there with her phone and drama and gone home.

I used to have a friend like this that not only did she always have an ongoing drama with her current b/f, there was always a family drama on the go, and drama with the fathers of her three kids.

She too would be the one to phone me and demand to go out as she 'needed' it, insist on going to somewhere shitty then spend the night having text battles, telling me the gory details then disappearing off for a phone argument. She was always totally oblivious to anyone wit her or around her and my most cringey moment was her screeching down the phone outside a Wetherspoons int he middle of Oxford while she was being gawped at by passersby. That night I did call time and drag her home. where the argument continue all night

I think unless you hav had a draining friend like this it's hard to comprehend

My friend had a relationship like this. We both have little ones so would hang out at each others home instead of eating out but they still had the phone text rows. The crying etc.

It got to a point that I could no longer sympathise or offer advice and tbh was very boring for me.

So no I do not think you were BU.

She was very rude and after six years of this type of treatment I don't think I'd be giving her much of a pass on it either. She knows exactly what is going to happen when she gets into a text war with him, and she could have waited a couple of hours while you ate your meal before engaging in it.

Everyone gets compassion fatigue. I suggest taking a break from her for a while to recharge your batteries. I doubt she'll notice what with all the drama.

I have one like this. After years and years of the drama I now limit how much and where I see her. I don't blame you at all op.