I knew my mother has issues but AIBU to think this is way beyond that?

[RebelRogue]

My mum lives in a different country,so is kept up to date about DD growing by pics and phone chats. She was commenting on how much taller she looks on the phone,so we got into talking about her development,height,weight etc. I mentioned that one day DD was dressed in something that made her look a lot older and I didn't like it. Mum asked me if I'm jealous. I replied "uhm no mum,is just that she looked 7-8(DD is 5,and quite tiny so mostly looks preschool/toddlerish) and not little anymore and I didn't like it." She replied "mhm..mhm..not even a little bit?" . I changed the subject thinking WTAF and with a sour taste in my mouth.

Mm is she remembering that she used to envy you? Bit odd though to say the least. .

Yes bit odd.

@Justmadeperfectflapjacks I did wonder if she speaks from "experience". It would explain some things...but makes others even more confusing. I just find it all really fucked up,even more so when the child in question is 5.

Yeah, that is messed up. Why would anyone ever want to suggest that a mum would be jealous of her daughter (it's the sort of shite the DM would run an article on)? Especially not when the daughter is 5.

I thought it was fairly common among older mums, not jealousy as such more wistful longing at the youth and optimism etc

Not At 5 though, that's weird

Oh I get the wistfulness . I have friends with teen/older kids and it's of i wish i had her hair,fit a size 8, party all night and not need a week to recover etc.

Dunno...

She's normalising her own weirdness by projecting it onto you

She's justifying herself by twisting innocent things you say in her mind so that she thinks you're the same as her

She's justifying herself by twisting innocent things you say in her mind so that she thinks you're the same as her

I guess. She also asks if i spank dd,if I thought her to fear me etc.
I always doubted my decision to keep a language barrier between them and thought it's mostly due to me being paranoid and OTT , but it seems like I was right.

*She's normalising her own weirdness by projecting it onto you

She's justifying herself by twisting innocent things you say in her mind so that she thinks you're the same as her*

This

Can't say more but can relate. Mind twsiting weirdness. Don't get sucked in OP. It is her, not you

...or she's just making conversation......?? I think you are reading an awful lot into the comment. Especially to cal it "beyond" "having issues" what ever that means

I think it used to be a fairly common meme in the latter part of the 20th century that mothers were often jealous of their daughters. The sort of pop psychology that gains traction for a while, gets thrown around at virtually every possible point and then slowly dies off because, of course, it's complete rubbish. So your mum might have had that accusation thrown at her when she was a mum and is just passing it on because she's never really thought to question how stupid it is?

On the other hand, you seem to be hinting at other weirdness on your mum's part, so maybe she's actually always been jealous of you? It's hard to know, but would you really want to if you have at arms length anyway?

The woman lives in another country. Don't let her overly influence you. Yes it's a bit of a weird thing to say. Almost taunting and sounds like she was projecting.

Yes she lives in a different country so "real" contact is quite rare,but we talk a lot on the phone,nearly every week day,because she's my mum and she's lonely and I feel guilty .
She's coming to visit in the summer(for about 3 weeks) and I'm quite anxious about that so I might be over sensitive to her daft comments. I guess I have issues of my own.