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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To invite myself to an event?

37 replies

MerryMarigold · 16/06/2017 13:21

A friend (not close) of mine is getting married and I am doing her flowers for free, and also donating the flowers for the bride's bouquet. Another friend (closer friend of mine) is organising a bridal shower for her. I haven't been invited. I don't feel super snubbed, but I know people going who aren't doing anything for the wedding and don't know the bride that well.

I don't think the mutual friend knows what I am doing towards the wedding, but I think the bride would want me to be there. (I don't know for sure!). Anyway, I know bridal showers are very un-MN, but it will be fun, I haven't been to one for ages and I'd like to go. WIBU to ask my friend who is organising if I can come? This is so not me. I'd usually just feel hurt and snubbed and not do anything about it, but I am trying to change that and feel like it would be better for me to just ask (and accept if answer is 'no'). WWYD?

OP posts:

Giddyaunt18 · 16/06/2017 15:44

A friend (not close) of mine is getting married and I am doing her flowers for free, and also donating the flowers for the bride's bouquet.

If you're doing the flowers for free what do you mean by' donating' the bride's bouquet?

HotelEuphoria · 16/06/2017 15:49

I think she means it that she is arranging the flowers the bride has bought for the whole event, BUT also arranging and paying for the bride's flowers.

Giddyaunt18 · 16/06/2017 15:50

Oh right that makes sense Euphoria thanks.

Beeziekn33ze · 16/06/2017 15:53

OP go for it, no harm in asking the friend who is organising it.
Giddy, maybe OP is supplying the bouquet flowers and making up the bouquet and also arranging the wedding flowers to be supplied by the bride.

chocatoo · 16/06/2017 15:58

Go for it.

TheNaze73 · 16/06/2017 16:05

I'd think it a bit weird

FilledSoda · 16/06/2017 16:06

God no , don't invite yourself.
You aren't that close, you're not invited.

needsomesunshineandwine · 16/06/2017 16:08

I wouldn't, but that's me.

5moreminutes · 16/06/2017 16:12

*A friend (not close) of mine is getting married and I am doing her flowers for free, and also donating the flowers for the bride's bouquet.

If you're doing the flowers for free what do you mean by' donating' the bride's bouquet?*

Good question GiddyAunt

Merry do you mean you are charging cost price (not charging for your time)? I hope so if your not a close friend, otherwise by donating the flowers for the kind of full on wedding that involves bridal showers you've given a very expensive present.

If a bridal shower is like a baby shower then it's a "gimme a present" party, and the bride hopefully has just enough shame to feel guilty asking a not close friend to give her yet another gift!

5moreminutes · 16/06/2017 16:14

but yes I agree it does rather look as though you are a supplier in their eyes if they are paying at all (even though you are making no money and giving time for free).

Are you invited to the actual wedding?

Rainbunny · 16/06/2017 16:45

This is tricky.. normally I would advise to say nothing and not to assume that you're lack of invitation is an oversight. The organizers may have specific reasons for inviting specific guests. Also, according to etiquette in these matters, bridal shower guests should always be guests who are invited to the wedding as well, it isn't actually clear from your post if you are OP?

Then again, given that bridal showers are basically an excuse for the bride to get more gifts I'm sure your presence (along with a gift) would be welcome

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 16/06/2017 17:56

By doing the flowers for free, I mean I am not charging for my time, and I know where to get stuff quite cheaply, so she is basically paying £100 for 6 bridesmaids, 6 buttonholes and table decs/ other decs - which is pretty cheap and covers the cost of flowers only! I can't get lovely flowers for the bride in the price (peonies and roses), so I am buying those flowers myself, which are about £25/30 extra - so that bit is a gift. Sorry for confusion.

I offered as I love doing flowers, and would not charge as I am not a pro (although all the bouquets I have done have been very well received!). Yes, family and I are invited to wedding, but it is a big, outdoor, casual affair, not a sit down in a hotel.

The reason I started thinking about this is that she sent me a lovely birthday text today so it just sounded like we have some kind of a friendship. But maybe you are right about limited numbers, and she has a lot of friends. I think I will be brave and speak to mutual friend organising and see if there is space and whether it was just oversight on her part, or if there is a limited guest list. I feel like I don't really mind, and would rather know so I can put less effort in ha ha ha .

I don't mind getting her another something small. Parties are fun and everyone will be there for the laugh and to giggle at racy underwear!

OP posts:

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