I'm sitting here, literally depressed, hardly slept last night.
I was my sons dad for 10 years, I'm 23 and his 24 going on 25. During those 10 years I suffered emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse; even after all his bullshit I went through with him, I still helped him when he was going through a tough situation.
I finally broke up with him last year for good (nearly a year) I didn't hear from him, he didn't see DS, apart from those once in a blue phone calls. About 2 months ago he got back in touch, started talking again blah blah. Basically the relationship rekindled.
Three weeks ago, nearly a month ago actually, we had sex ( for the first time since we got back together) and he was acting strange, being his controlling self, he also would make remarks on my appearance and say things like " you don't wear make up, other girls do", "you haven't changed, you look the same, your a child". I was with this guy for 9 years and he has never made those remarks before, in fact he used to say that I was unique looking and didn't need to wear make up (I have nothing against makeup , I just hardly wear it and I don't have the money ! ).
I then questioned myself thinking "why am I putting up with this shit again". I then broke up with him again.
Yesterday, I was out with DS having a lovely time, till I saw the ex (DS dad) with his ex ( most likely new girlfriend). Then it dawned on me, the remarks he was saying about my looks, he was actually comparing me to her. When I got pregnant again last year and he was forcing me to have an abortion and acting weird ( I didn't and sadly miscarried ). He was most likely with her, the months when he basically just disappeared and hardly saw DS, when I broke up with him, he was busy with her but blamed the fact he didn't see DS or contact us was because he was angry I filed for child maintenance.
How can I be so fucking stupid ?!!
Anyway, when we saw DS dad with his ex, we walked past him (DS didn't notice him), the dad then suddenly nudges my shoulder, said "Hi" to DS, looked me up and down and walked off. I kept it very casual, didn't want to evoke anything cause DS was with me.
I just feel so hurt Mumsnetters, I'm 23, struggling with my 6 year old autistic DS, he hardly does anything for him, doesn't buy him shit, doesn't see him that often, doesn't contribute to any of DS private therapies. But look at me, stupid as fuck to go back to that. Whilst his there living the single life.
How can I move forward from this, I'm so hurt and angry. I guess life is really unfair.