Dreading going back to work

[kaytee87]

Reposting from WOHP as it doesn't look very active. Just looking for some advise / experience from other working parents really....

I go back to work at the end of July, my wee one will have just turned 1. I go back full time and he will be in nursery and cared for by grandparents.

I feel like crying every time I think about leaving him. We have an amazing bond, I always know what he wants and he's such a happy wee thing. I feel like we're going to lose that closeness. He won't understand why he suddenly can't see mummy during the day 😭

I will only see him for an hour in the morning then about an hour & a half at night before bed. I don't know how either of us will cope tbh. He also doesn't Nap well anywhere other than his cot so he's going to be exhausted as he won't Nap properly at nursery.

My work paid me extra mat pay and I've used up all my accrued holidays so I can't switch to pt just now but am thinking I'm going to try in January.

How will I get through til the end of the year. People that have gone back full time how was your bond affected? Did you lose some closeness?

I should add I only took internal calls and emails on my day off as you can't have client or external calls with a baby babbling in the background. If there was an emergency call I had to be on that day I would join on mute and just listen whilst playing blocks with my baba! It can be done, honestly. If you are feeling so strongly like this then just see if it's possible - you can always suggest it could be reviewed in 3/6 months time.

Or maybe time to look for a more family friendly job?

Just back with ds 8 months and really enjoying being at work. Never upset leaving him but love seeing his smile when I pick him up. Makes time spent together better.

I hated going back to work. If DD didn't love nursery so much then I probably would have quit.
I didn't hate it so much because I was leaving my daughter but I have changed since before mat leave and struggled to find where I fitted in again. My priorities have also changed (but this is also partly down to a long term illness getting a lot worse since going back to work)

I think it did change my bond with DC1 and am dreading going back with DC2. DC1 is a happy settled toddler though so DH keeps reminding me it hasn't done him any harm. On the other hand, I think I was a better parent going back to work PT - I had started to miss the mental stimulation and it was making me a bit grumpy. Slightly hoping I get to this stage with DC2 to make returning easier!

It's not irreversible though, I have got a lot of my special mummy status back with DC1 now I'm off on maternity leave with DC2 and DC1 is again spending almost all of their time with me.

I went back full time at 6 months, I didn't want to but am the breadwinner so had no choice. I will admit I hated it at first, I cried a lot, was exhausted. Still breastfeeding so baby was brought to me at work for weeks to feed. But it got better! I saw that she was doing well, I loved coming home to her and enjoyed the weekends even more. I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out any more, our bond is great. I take shorter blocks of annual leave to break the working weeks up so I get a few extra days here and there. I found being sent pictures at the beginning really helped me, I loved seeing the pictures and seeing she was doing ok in my absence

My experience was that I also dreaded it and felt like you've described. However, after the first week i found it wasn't as bad as I'd thought. DC were fine. I was fine. I'd rather have been with my DC but it really wasn't too bad. Hope you find this.

I asked about a partner because your posts don't mention one and because you seem so worried about you personally not being there all day. If you have good childcare your DC will be fine, including their "bond" with you and your partner.

It can be a tough transition after maternity leave but there are lots of useful and even good things about WoH that IME make it worthwhile going through the challenges. For fathers it's the default.

Ah ok loopy he only took a month off so it won't be a change for him that's why I didn't mention him

It will be totally fine. I work FT and that's just the way it is. Your child won't resent you for going out to earn a crust.

It just forces you to spemd your weekends wisely!

2 kids and no choice but to work full time. They have both loved their nursery experience and I've not noticed any problem with our bonding. They have come home and taught me songs they have learned and had experiences that I probably wouldn't have given them. They will cope (although it may be challenging to start with) and so will you.

I was fine, he was too and we still have a close bond (he is 6 now)

Enjoy the hot cups of tea and peaceful loo breaks!

Took a bit to get used to not having afternoon nap 😂 I had a good hour where I struggled with being awake

I'm going back FT in 3 weeks time and I'm really not ready It seems like yesterday I still had months off.

My DS will be looked after by my DM and MIL and although I know he will be safe and loved, I do worry about them missing his little cues and things that are hard to describe. Things like he doesn't have a set nap schedule. I know when he is tired based on how long it's been since he woke and his subtle little cues, which is a hard thing to get my DM and MIL to understand at the moment

Give it time. The first few weeks will be tough but you will both adapt quickly and picking up in daylight is a great bonus as you will feel a bit less like you've lost the whole day.

Use your salary to pay for quality time so cleaners, gardening, online shop etc so your free time really is free time. If you manage a team I'm assuming you are pretty organised so apply that to managing your home/ work balance.

If after a few months it's genuinely not working for you then consider taking on a more junior role to keep your career ticking over and go part time. The trouble with this is that the moment of going back full time and to a senior role can be a very long time away, for me it wasn't until both DC were at uni. Not everyone feels that way, obviously.

Don't spoil your last few weeks fretting, it's only work.

matilda thankfully already have cleaners and gardeners so don't need to worry about that. Dh will be doing nursery pick up as he starts and finishes earlier than me.
I'm going to try and so

Posted too soon..

Going to try and work something out with my work to enable me to go part time. Fingers crossed.

My daughter would only sleep being pushed in her pushchair but after a couple of weeks she happily slept in the bed at nursery. She was 11 months.

My daughter was only used to me and needed 19 settling sessions. She is 13 months now and sometimes cries at drop off but is fine after a few minutes.

I remember that feeling very well. It's horrible. You do get used to it though. I think I was more bothered than dds. Was years ago for me mind. Dd1 has just left school today and Dd2 is in year 8.