To expect DS to tell me where he is

[RedSkyAtNight]

DS (13) finishes school at such a time that he can be home for 4pm if he puts his mind to it. I've told him that I have no issue with him "hanging out" after school but if he's going to be home after 4.30 he needs to text/ring me and let me know where he is and I can let him know if he needs to be in by a particular time.

Today I got home at 4.20. There was no DS. DD said he'd been in, but gone out again without talking to her and sure enough there was his bag, phone and blazer dumped in the middle of the floor. He eventually came in at 4.45pm.

When challenged that this was after 4.30, DS said that he had got home before 4.30 and how was he expected to tell me where he was when I wasn't there. I pointed out that he had the mechanisms of writing a note, texting me, ringing me or telling DD, whereupon he descended into grumpy "it's not as though I was very late and you weren't here" mode. I pointed out that I had no issue with him being out, I just wanted to know where he was and preferably he should have his phone with him so I could at least contact him.

Dunno, am I being unnecessarily y strict about him letting me know where he is and when he'll be home (Pfb, making it up as I go along)?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. He's a child.

Not at all unreasonable of you.

Perhaps he needs to be reminded that you pay his phone bills for a reason.

Why doesn't he take his phone? I would be saying use it or lose it!

Not unreasonable at all.

I'd be very clear to him. He has freedom and with that comes responsibility.

If he doesn't take responsibility you'll revoke his freedom.

YANBU

As long as he's back for tea, does it really matter? It's lovely that he's out there and not stuck in front of a screen.

Why don't you agree a later time where he has to let you know by? Say 6pm or whatever time you have dinner

If you need him back earlier for some reason then let him know in advance

Does he understand why? I think if he has not been in that situation before he can be forgiven. As long as he knows what to do next time.

Has he got an iphone? DS has and we have Find my Iphone on it so I know where he is! He is still supposed to text me plans and expected eta at home though.

Before I saw he was back I was going to say if you live in Cambridge he is probably swimming in the river in Grantchester which is where most of my son's friends and him are!

What kind of 13 year old doesn't take their phone with them absolutely everywhere they go!? As another poster said - tell him to use it or lose it! (And replace it with a Nokia 3210 - not the retro one that has Facebook and Twitter - but the actual original one )