AIBU about mum's income and lack of benefit entitlement?

[CanIHaveYourNumberCucumber]

My mum is 61 and is a WASPI. She's 61 and works in catering. She is currently working 30ish hours per week as she is too tired/achy to work full time and out of her £210 per week wages has to pay £120 rent; £50 council tax (repaying a debt) and then has £40 for bills and food.

She has applied for tax credits but because she was working more last year, she is unable to qualify for them.

She is also not eligible for housing benefit or council tax benefit.

She can't work any more because she's exhausted and she says that she's too old to try to do less demanding work and I can't think of anything that she could do instead anyway.

WTF is she supposed to do? She's living every week relying on her tips to buy food, which is no more than £3/4 per day and her life seems such a sad existence.

I worry a bit about ageism but I also worry about my brain slowing down and just not being able to think quick enough for what I do. I notice it a bit already and I'm not yet 50. I also notice that the length of time I can concentrate and do hard thinking work (writing and research) has reduced, I can manage about five hours a day before slowing down so much it's not worth carrying on - although I recently read research to suggest this is normal at all ages so maybe it's not age related, I'm just noticing because I now do more intense stuff. I get tired (more mentally than physically) even though I am healthy and fit.

I echo what PP have said - those that are saying OP's DM shouldn't be feeling exhausted at 61 aren't taking into account lifestyle factors.

I think @TinklyLittleLaugh nails this on the head "61 when you've had a desk job, good nutrition and a relatively comfortable lifestyle all your life is different to 61, having done a manual job, been on a low wage and struggled financially all your life.

Unfortunately the fat cats who sit in their offices and make up the rules do not have the intelligence or empathy to realise this (and neither do some of the posters on this thread)."

Plus take into account that given the money she has to spend on food she's potentially lacking nutritionally too which makes a massive difference to energy levels and health especially as we age.

I know you said your DM is in a rural situation but is there a local supermarket at all?

That seems to be a perfect role...a chair all day, social interaction, not too difficult to pick up. Lots of over 60's do it.

My Gran is 73 and works three days a week on a market stall which sells socks (so it's not too busy) and she has a stool she can sit on and read when she's not serving customers. TBH she could get by without the job but she likes to take a couple of holidays a year and feels like it gives her a routine and social interaction with the stall owner/other stall workers and customers.

Completely agree about lifestyle factors and not only as an adult - the adverse child experiences studies show that negative things that happen to us as children have a long term detrimental effect on our longer term physical and mental health because of changes in our biology.

61 really isn't elderly, I know many, many people over 60 and some in their 70s who are still working in manual jobs including building and gardening. (My FIL is 75 next week and works 4 days a week as a gardener, My mum is 71 and works 4 days a week ina small shop, They don't need to but both "enjoys it")

I really do think your mum should go and get a thorough health check op.

Your mum should go to CAB to get a benefits check.

By all means she could get a health check but the gp may well say that there's nothing wrong with her. Catering is an exhausting job - i've known a lot of people with chronic illnesses (back problems, RSI etc) who have worked for years in catering. My mum worked ft and retired at 65 - but that was from an office job. She was v healthy but around that time spent a day helping me pack up to move house - she was absolutely shattered by around 4pm.

Thorough health check, blood tests for thyroid, vitamin D and also iron, folate and ferritin.

I would buy her a multi vit and mineral for older women, and start them now.

Can you carefully and gently check what she is eating ? If she just has toast for a meal she will be tired as she needs protein too at every meal.

I do think your mum needs to see a GP if she is this exhausted. There might be an underlying thyroid or iron deficiency issue which needs ruling out. 61 is relatively young to be this exhausted.

I think the call centre idea is a good one. Not all call centres demand shifts. My son works in the customer service dept of a large organisation where 12 of them answer the phones 9 -5.30. He gets regular breaks, sits down all day, and they didn't require any previous experience. He started last year when he was 19 and his starting pay was £21k. He's now on £23k although it's unlikely to go up any more. He loves it and there are a huge range of ages on his team.

It's in the next village so he can walk/cycle if he wanted (but he's lazy and drives....). There might be something similar near your mum. It's worth looking. Or maybe another sit down job such as receptionist for a nearby dentist or hotel or something?

Won't your mum be worse off on the state pension if she now earns £210 per week. ? Could she get a lodger. ? It's hard to think of alternative jobs when she has always worked in catering. I think the stress of being in her financial situation doesn't help with her health and wellbeing.

Would she be eligible for a bus pass? Here you get one at age 60.

Thank you again for all of the positive comments and suggestions - it's given me a lot to think about.

No, I definitely cannot have her live with us. It really isn't an option for several reasons.

Sorry if I offended anyone by saying that 61 is the end of her life. It's how she describes the current time and she really does not have a positive view of getting older being so tired & achy already.

Re supplementing her income, I do as much as I can, but of course, supplies and things that I buy never last forever. I bought her a "hamper" of essentials at Christmas as winter time is when she struggles the most with hours being reduced, but of course, all of that has gone now and things look no brighter for next year. It just annoys me a bit that I'm the only one (of the three siblings) that seems to be doing anything to help her, though I'm not going to stop any time soon.

Will get onto Tax Credits, Drs appointment and vitamin D for starters.

Won't your mum be worse off on the state pension if she now earns £210 per week. ?

She'll be quids in! When she receives her pension, she can get full housing benefit and CT benefit and so will have all of the pension to spend on bills, food wine

Thanks CIHYNC, I didn't realise about housing benefit and CT benefit. Your mum is in an impossible situation so I hope that you can find some help for her.

I do feel sorry for your mum, I really do. I think that she is of the generation where the prospects when she started out are quite different to what she is facing now. I do think that she deserves some state support and hopefully some of the suggestions up-thread should help her.

But there is quite a bit in your posts to suggest that she has been quite passive and sleepwalked into this situation over the years: never learning to drive, staying in a remote area, allowing adult children to live at home without contributing, never making any attempts to re-train or find another type of work...

Could you teach her to drive? Could she move closer to sources of employment? If she is in social housing, could she do a swap? Could she sublet the room that your sister was living in? If she is going to make her life better, at all, she needs to take charge and make a significant change.

My mum quit work aged 59 and went on pension credit as she couldn't manage the physical demands any longer. It is really hard work doing any kind of physical work when you're that age. I think mum only managed to get pension credit through my dad as he's a bit older so he met the age requirements. She gets PIP now as well due to her bad leg, which is definitely worth looking into if your mum has health issues, as it can help her claim tax credits on less hours than usual.

MaybeDoctor - I can see where you're coming from and agree with some of your points. She did have driving lessons years ago but having failed her practical test some 7/8 times, she gave up on the idea. Public transport links are good from where we live, but with no experience or skills, clerical work is impossible to get with so many skilled and experienced people applying for the same jobs.

House swaps are also very difficult to arrange with there not being very many 1 bed properties and nothing can be done with rent arrears anyway and so they need to be cleared first.

Mum always puts herself last in the pecking order and always puts her children first and so does not always make the best decisions. I am trying to help her and give her proper advice about what to do, but it's not an easy task.