AIBU to say no to mediation?

[Queenofthestress]

Me and exdp split because of DV, reported it to the police, filled in a DVR and they asked him to leave my house

His mum said she's been to the solicitor about her getting access and the solicitor said she didn't have a leg to stand on as she's just the grandparent. I want contact through a contact centre as he's an alcoholic and a drug addict, she wanted contact at her house where he could see DD there.

Coincedently I've now had a letter from the solicitor on his behalf asking for mediation, I don't feel like there's any point to it and don't fancy sitting in a room with him or her.

AIBU to say not a chance in hell?

I am sure someone more knowledgeable will be along soon but I thought if there has dv you don't need to do mediation.

I'm pretty sure that mediation isn't recommended for cases where there's been abuse or violence.

Yanbu at all, I wouldn't sit down with someone that I had that sort of history with!

Honestly feel like singing his mum and telling her to fuck right off if she thinks I'm doing mediation

*ringing obviously, bloody new phone!

You don't have to go to mediation particularly where there has been dv.

Grandparents can make an application for contact especially if they have had an ongoing relationship.

But in your case I think I'd sit back and let the courts deal with it

I was told that I didn't need to agree to mediation due to an abusive (not physical in my case) husband.

You will have to get the mediation team to sign off that there has been DV (they'll need to see the police reports I believe) and then you can proceed with the divorce.

Good luck.

She's only had her 4 times in 6 months so I wouldn't say an ongoing relationship, I'm going ring the solicitor and tell them the full story and that there's no way I'm doing mediation

My EA ExH tried to push for mediation. Told his Solicitor what I thought of that and why! Was never mentioned again.

No - be very clear that you won't be agreeing to that based on DV and you understand that it is not recommended.

As for his mum, I suggest you tell solicitor that you will oppose contact completely as you know she will fail to protect your child in the context of her relationship with her son and that she is hostile to you.

If you have contact in a centre, the expectation is that it will eventually move out of the centre to supervised then unsupervised.

Your ex certainly has the right to expect the contact centre at the very least. Then it's a case of him keeping up his end of things through supervised contact to eventual unsupervised. If he's as dedicated and trustworthy a dad as he sounds, I would think he'll soon fail and you can stop contact. If he turns things around, great, your child gets a reformed dad.

But his mother? If you agree to supervised contact with her, she will jump through the hoops and things will move to unsupervised. Then you will have a situation where your ex can get access through his mum - who will excuse and prioritise him - and there will be nothing you can do about it. I suppose you could make it a condition of contact that ex has to not be there when granny has contact, but - they will lie to you, so no point.

Basically tell his mum to sling her hook and keep out of it, and no there will be no mediation and even if there were it would certainly not involve her!

His solicitor rang, he's asked for mediation because he thinks he's on the birth certificate so I'm withholding her for no reason and legally I can't do that, I just laughed at her and said that no he's not and I'll email a copy of the birth certificate to her tonight and I'm withholding access until he's clean, sober and it's supervised!