To be angry with my friend's teen son for repeatedly fat-shaming her in public

[user1494871340]

A good friend of my family is currently going through a divorce from her (financially, physically and sexually) abusive husband and facing stigma for leaving her marriage in India so I suggested she come visit me for a short break to get away from the horror at home.

She has 2 sons, who are 6 and 13 years old. She mentioned that they are scarred by the father and she's working on their anger issues so that they don't grow up to inherit these traits too.

They've not been angry or aggressive in front of me but I noticed her teen son has a bad habit of constantly fat-shaming her and putting her appearance down . This is especially odious because she's lost a lot of weight due to the trauma she's faced in the past few years and is the thinnest I've ever seen her (UK size 10 or so).

Her son particularly irritated me yesterday when we went out for dinner and he pointed to a very slender woman in a crop top who was carrying a baby and said "look mum, her baby is so much younger than your baby (his little brother) and she is so toned but you're still so cute and chubby." This was around the 10th time he has brought her weight up in the few days he has been here and he's also remeninded her to conceal her under eye circles on another occasion before we left home. And my friend keeps humouring him and making fun of herself when he does.

I don't want to blame him as he probably internalised this behaviour from his dad from a very young age (and he has been through a lot himself too) but is there a positive, non accusatory way that I can point this out to my friend and tell her how to correct this unsavoury habit of his?

Thanks Electrolens - that's a great suggestion!

I have a friend whose son does this, I usually challenge by saying something very positive about her in response. E.g.:

"I think your Mum looks beautiful."

I work on the basis that it challenges his world view and lets the Mum hear good things about herself.

Honestly he is old enough to be told himself , not through his mum. Next time he says something I'd go with 'do you really think your constant comments like that to your mother are helpful right now? In my home we try to be kind not nasty'

He is 13. I would pull him up myself if he made comments like that in my presence.

I have told a similarly aged son of a good friend of mine to pull his head in when he was rude to her. We are close friends though and she knows she can do the same.

He was very ashamed at me telling him off as I am usually the 'fun' one.

You would be doing him a favour in the long run IMO.

Araiwa unpleasant response.

He is 13. He is old enough to be told not to be a little shit, and I certainly wouldn't be couching it in nice terms like 'I think your mum is beautiful'. I don't think a 13 year old boy is going to care about that. I think he needs to be told, directly, that he is being rude and unpleasant.

I know a guy who is STILL that rude to his mum and he's in his 20s. I cringe every time he talks to her.

hes old enough for you not to ask her and just tell him.no around the bush either.just "hey mate why do you think you should be able to be so cruel to someone about there looks. its not nice is it,nor true" point out another woman and say would you say that to her,or yourself.and then ask why he thinks its ok to his mum. and that its just nasty.
hes old enough to no this is a dickish thing to do.
olus has seen his mum take it.
and nos exactly (like his dad I'm sure did) hwo to hurt her.

there might also be a part of him that is/has been wishing for her to just "STEP UP" and be strong for herself,fight back woman. and will push and push for it.fr her to be strong and fight back. because I nthe end will she be able to fight for him if he ever needed it.he needs to feel some sort of strength and protection.
but what hes doing is cruel and she might not be at a point yet to say it.
but you can be.

I think I'd go for factual and direct.

"It is very disrespectful of you to speak to your mother like that".

Or "I don't appreciate that kind of comment about my friend".

Accompanied with a glare. Any back chat from him stop with "this is not acceptable and not up for discussion".

Repeat until he stops it.