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AIBU?

Why does no one tell you it will be this hard?

48 replies

PraiseTheSun · 14/06/2017 17:04

I'm not enjoying parenthood today . DD won't settle. Nothing seems to make her happy. I've been trying to iron for three and a half hours but every time I put DD in her chair she shrieks. I've managed two shirts.
And with all this time stuck feeding I've been on Instagram where everyone is #MakingMemories #FeelingBlessed.
I feel guilty for not enjoying my baby today and wishing I was at work instead

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PraiseTheSun · 14/06/2017 17:34

Thank you all.
DD is only seven weeks so as much as I would like to feed the ducks I think the novelty would be lost on her.
I wish we could afford someone to do the ironing but my employer messed up some forms for my maternity so have been living off savings.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 14/06/2017 17:38

I don't think you would believe anyone if they did. And I think if they did it would be massively unfair because it could put you off parenthood. No it isn't all fluffy flowers and roses. But it's also massively rewarding. It will get easier.

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Spudlet · 14/06/2017 17:39

Oh hell, I could post a wonderful #blessed #makingmemories thing onto my Instagram if I wanted to today - I got some lovely pics of DS walking in the woods with his Aunty, grandma, and baby cousin. Of course, I wouldn't include the boys of today when I almost cried in frustration at trying to get them all out of the door. For some reason my fully functional adult relatives seem to lose the plot when it comes to leaving the house for a trip - it's the most bizarre and annoying thing in the world.

Also, I would omit the bits where DS tried to eat pebbles, and airbrush out the bag of dog poo I was carrying...

Social media isn't real! #sooooblessed #fuckmethatsabigshitfromafairlysmalldog

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LuckyAmy1986 · 14/06/2017 17:41

Get non iron shirts and when you take them out the wash hang them straight onto a coathanger to dry! I haven't ironed for years and DH is in a very corporate role, one of the Big 4.

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Foxyloxy1plus1 · 14/06/2017 17:44

Nobody believes how hard it is when you tell them. You have to experience it yourself, unfortunately. We all had to learn the hard way. I had visions of popping DS in the car and going out to visit people every day. I barely got dressed for weeks.

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ElfEars · 14/06/2017 17:44

Ignore Instagram, it's all bollocks. I feel your pain. Teething almost 5 month old here. Constant cycle of falling asleep feeding on me, trying to move him into his swing. Just make it to the top of the stairs to start packing for my holiday on Friday and then the most piercing scream. He only wakes once in the night so I should feel great but I'm knackered. I think I'm just going to dump the contents of my airing cupboard into my suitcase and hope for the best.

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Deathraystare · 14/06/2017 17:49

If it is YOUR job to iron and you really MUST do it then put some music on and dance and sing along. Your child will be too gobsmacked to cry, or if they think themselves a critic of course it could all end in tears.....

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EyeHalveASpellingChequer · 14/06/2017 17:50

I wish I didn't have to iron but DH needs work shirts.

Tell him to do it himself or buy non-iron shirts.

He also is working a 12 hour day every day.

From your post it sounds like you are effectively working a 24 hour day.

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Bobbiepin · 14/06/2017 17:53

Would it be possible to leave the ironing until DP is home and can occupy DD. I know that's not really the point of the thread but little victories?

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ArchieStar · 14/06/2017 17:56

I was just about to suggest what Bobbiepin said! Is that possible at all or to wait until she's down tonight?

It doesn't seem like it now, but it will get easier. Have you considered investing in a sling or carrier so she is close to you and you can attempt to crack on with things?

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NeegansWife · 14/06/2017 17:58

I don't think people outright say how hard it can be as you're just viewed as a killjoy or someone who's wishing ill to someone who is going through what is universally portrayed as one of the best times of your life. Which it is - some of the time. Other times, not quite so much....

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hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 14/06/2017 17:59

My husband irons his own shirts! He prefers to anyway as he's better at it anyway

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ScarlettFreestone · 14/06/2017 18:00

Praise there's nothing wrong with ironing. I iron everything.

But with the best will in the world there is no way to iron while your baby is awake.

Ironing is an evening job for when she's sleeping. Or a weekend job for when your DH can entertain her.

Going for a walk is an excellent idea. The fresh air is good for you and will lift your spirits. The fresh air and new things to see are good for her too. She might even drop off for a bit.

I walked miles when my twins were babies. I'd pop a book and a flask of tea under the pram and if they dropped off I'd find a park bench by the river and have ten minutes with a book and a cuppa.

Besides which all the old ladies and gentlemen will stop you to tell you how beautiful your DD is, which can really make your day.

Try it, honestly you'll feel much better. You can even take a picture for Instagram

First rule of parenting, other parents LIE on social media

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blue2014 · 14/06/2017 18:04

Oh love it is shit sometimes. Especially at 7 weeks when I'll guess you aren't even getting the giggles from her.

Parenting is hard and horrible sometimes. But tomorrow will be another day. And also there will be wonderful days sometimes too

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wiltingfast · 14/06/2017 18:41

Forget the ironing. He can iron his own shirts while you mind his and your baby.

I'm sure he would prefer you to keep her happy than stress about ironing his shirts.

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Blossomdeary · 14/06/2017 18:43

This will pass - honestly!

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FruitBadger · 14/06/2017 18:57

7 weeks is really tough, and it will be for a while still to come. I get that your DH is working long hours and you want to feel like you're pulling your weight but.... this is not you being useless. This is life with a 7 week old baby. If you don't manage to get the shirts done DH will need to help out. There are some (lots) of days where you don't make it out of pajamas and you've spent the whole day watching TV... because you've been trapped under a sleeping / feeding baby and not even managed a cup of tea or a slice of toast for yourself. Right now do what you need to keep you and DD alive and the rest will just have to fit around that.

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Vanillaradio · 14/06/2017 19:05

You have a 7 week old and you're ironing? I think you are doing well even trying to. I have a 3 year old and I don't! If you have done 2 work shirts then Dh doesn't need any more till Monday so put the iron down!
At 7 weeks it is about survival and doing what you can, when you can. Nobody tells you how hard it is because there is no way to until you experience it. Believe me, my friends tried to and it was still a shock to me. As for social media, do not believe it. Really don't. Do you think that people are going to mention the three hours they spent feeding or the 6 explosive nappies they cleaned up. No they are going to take a picture of the one moment in the day the baby was looking clean, angelic and not screaming! Honestly this will get better. The shit thing is at the moment you don't know when or how. But it will.

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Whatsername17 · 14/06/2017 19:12

I'm with you op. Dd2 is 5 months and currently being a bit of a challenge. Just puked and pooed on my at the same time and now refusing to go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day!

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ClopySow · 14/06/2017 19:12

Ironing with a 7 week old? You're a little bit fucking amazing love.

I have a 16 and 14 year old and ironing is so far down the list that the ironing board is dusty.

Give yourself a break. If you insist on ironing his shirts, wait until after her bedtime.

Put her in the pram, go for a walk. Cuddle her on the couch and watch something on netflix. Anything but trying to do housework with an unhappy baby.

Ignore the fuck out of social media. It's a lie.

It's hard. It gets easier. I promise.

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PatriciaHolm · 14/06/2017 19:19

Your employer messed up some forms? That doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't be getting SMP - what happened?

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PraiseTheSun · 14/06/2017 21:01

Patrica
I will be getting it. It's just delayed. It all got mixed up because I was only entitled to the allowence and I didn't get the confirmation for that until I had already had DD so I was only able to apply for it seven weeks ago and it could take up to three months. If not more.

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Ohyesiam · 14/06/2017 21:11

My dd need work shirts too ( funny his five a week can feel like 25), I don't iron them, just offer them out on the line really stretched out, and they come in looking fine.
Thou shalt not iron, it's the 11th commandment

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