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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if my mental health would improve if I split with DH?

2 replies

ClaireBares · 14/06/2017 15:01

I've basically suffered with depression and been on constant medication for the past 11 years, since my eldest DC was born. I have since had another two DC, who are now 8 and 5, and have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in addition to my depression.

However it's striking me more and more lately that actually a lot of things that cause me to get down and depressed are actually involving DH's behaviour. To give some examples:

He won't acknowledge any of my mental health conditions and isn't sympathetic at all.

He does nothing in the house or with the DC. If he does do anything, which is rare, he only half does it; for example he got the washing off the line on Sunday and dumped it all on the stairs and left it! He does no food shopping, no cooking unless it's for him, in which case he'll leave a huge mess.

He's moody and always just wants to suit himself, so he'll ignore the kids and sit watching films all day on a Sunday for example. He'll never do any homework with the kids, or do any activities at all with them.

He's unsympathetic and uncaring if the kids and I are ever ill. I'm very very rarely ill but last week my hayfever was very bad and I got put on some strong medication for it which knocked me out, so I had about 4 days where I felt ill, which in turn made me feel very down emotionally. DH did nothing in that time in the house, not even getting the kids uniforms ready for the next day. He just seems to think that I can do it when I'm better, but when I got better I was just left with a total shithole of a house that's taken days to sort!

He was awful after I had the DCs; coming home with a newborn I came home to a messy house, no food, no looking after whatsoever, not even a drink of water brought to me if I was breastfeeding. I was just expected to slot back in and roll my sleeves up! After DC3 I'd had a severe PPH but was still just left to it and expected to cook, clean etc.

I'm wondering if my BPD would maybe get a bit better if I was on my own. It'd be a struggle financially as he earns more than me but maybe it'd be worth it? Has anyone got any positive stories of mental health improving after LTB?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 14/06/2017 15:07

What an absolute dick. I can't say if your depression would improve but I can say that your lifestyle definitely would. He's giving no support and only hassle.

My life changed a million times for the better when I split up with my ex - I hadn't really realised how unhappy he was making me. We didn't have DCs though.

mistermagpie · 14/06/2017 15:12

He sounds horrible. I'm sure you would be happier without him. My friend has been with an awful for guy 5 years and since she has been with him has attempted suicide several times, been diagnosed with depression and suspected BPD and has battled with alcohol dependency. I knew her before she was with him and she had none of these issues, or at least none of them were apparent to her or me (we were very close).

I can only think there is s link between her partner and her mental health. I can't be sure but it's a very big coincidence if there isn't a connection. I would say the same about you.

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