To feel despair at DD 14's spelling, and what should I do?

[Evelight]

DD14 is a typical straight A student since elementary- the kind of dream child who obsesses about getting her homework done, keeping her stuff organized etc etc. She's top of her class, one of the "smart kids", never gave me any worry insofar as schooling is concerned. She reads regularly- not as much as she used to, but recently she finished Jane Eyre and is half-way through Rebecca.

So why does she spell like this???? She had taken on family supper the other night and she always makes a game of it by pretending to be in a restaurant and taking orders, and this is how she spells. Why? How? How can I make it better?

The irony is I'm a part-time teacher of adults- how can I presume to correct adult essays and language when this is the spelling of my own daughter??

This is actually really bothering me!!

Ps - poor spelling can also be down to poor teaching or gaps (e.g. that the prefix 'dis' doesn't change the root word etc). I'm not teacher bashing as I am a teacher myself!

Eve dc1 is the same.
A* student in most subjects but with spelling that is horrible. He is still surprising me sometimes because he is making very basic mistakes when spelling.
It can also be very random. So word written correctly once but completely wrong one paragraph below. Sometimes one sentence afterwards.
I think he often gets away with it because his writting is poor so there is a lot of 'guessing' involved tbh.

I have no idea what to do about it. Just wanted to say that she isn't the only one and no its not 'just at home' and it's ok because it was a game.
Normally when you spell a word right, you do it all the time....
Fwiw my experience is that teachers in secondary dont raise the issue of spelling unlike its really really bad. Looking at my dcs books, none are even corrected on that.
Its doesnt mean there is no issue nor does it mean its ok.

For those who are saying its ok because she was writting quickly, just a scribble. When doing an exam, you have to write quickly. If she is making mistakes in a relaxed environment because she is writting quickly, she will do the same in exams...

I couldn't spell at 14, still not the world's best speller but it's improved gradually with age. I was a voracious reader once I learned to read, but I struggled so much to learn that I have vivid memories of the actual process, which I am told isn't normal! I remember my mum yelling at me for "pretending" not to be able to read and being deliberately stupid - she defends this now by saying she knew I wasn't stupid so was frustrated by me...

I was also a straight A student, though not til the later years of education because at primary in the 1980s spelling was so heavily emphasised.

Ironically I spent a decade teaching adults English as a foreign language... I have no problems explaining grammar, which is vastly more important in teaching EFL, and know all the spelling rules even though they still don't always come naturally.

As others have said it's not about you, and your DD is doing well - leave her alone and don't say anything is my advice, unless there is any reason it is likely to be an issue (for her ) later (hand written exams maybe) making it worth investigating sympathetically.

Could be dyslexic - get her tested. My DH has it, it also has a degree and MSc so not daft!

Talk to the school - I was diagnosed late at university but both primary and secondary were aware how bad my spelling was/is.

I am a reader, initial problems but do read a lot for pleasure still, and did well academically. What I have is a lot of strategies that developed over time - that help me cope with poor working memory and other problems.

We've looked at private assessment for our children - been told range is £350 to £500 - we're currently waiting on the secondary school for eldest for assessment.

The primary schools - hmm and couldn't make up mind if there were issues over the years then pretty much said they'd ignore any private assessments.

We've done stuff over the years that has helped - so it's not hopeless (Spelfabet, apple and pears )and my own spelling improved with age - so really depends on how bad it is so really you need to talk to her school to get an idea.

Evelight as an ex English teacher I urge you not to make a big deal of this to her, if she is as bright as you say and still spelling like this then it's clearly due to a learning disability (albeit a mild one). At a glance I'd guess mild dyslexia but obvs I have v little to go on. You could ask the school SENCO to assess her, but tbh if it is mild and she's performing well across her subjects she may not receive much support, if any.

Is grilled cheese the same as cheese on toast?

Thank you all for the responses. I am not making a big deal about it to her. In fact no deal at all. I haven't mentioned it to her as I can't think of any way that conversation would go down well.

I don't think she would receive any support in this regard from school. Public education in our province (canada) is in dire straits, we had a long standing semi-strike situation last year, and pupils with diagnosed learning issues are barely getting the help they need.

I agree about the hand-written exam situation. I have started doing online exams myself but plenty of my colleagues still have handwritten exams and this would not be received well.

It's the end of year now and maybe not worth making a fuss over. I'll stress about it privately, and maybe talk to the teachers next year?

It's interesting to see that Canada is no better in this regard than the UK, OP. Hope you can support your DD in the way she needs.

Grilled cheese is far superior to cheese on toast

If this is the only example, I wouldn't worry - looks like she was just rushing & caught up in excitement at the time, too excited to be paying attention to her spelling perhaps?
We all make mistakes, but maybe take a look at her school books, review her homework before she hands it in saying you're interested in what she's learning?
Took until age 17 for DSS to sort his spelling as he just didn't see the value in bothering to think about it, yet there are plenty of adults who still aren't great spellers and get top jobs

Ok, sounds similar to stuff in our house :) My husband remembers being told he was the worst speller in year 7 - albeit at a highly selective school. I think he finished school in the top 3 in the year group - but still had hangups about his spelling! (to be honest, we had to share lecture notes at uni sometimes and I thought it was fine) My daughter, also now 14, found spelling was not something that came naturally but once she got the hang of learning stuff did fine in spelling tests. But in her actual written work she did all the kinds of things you describe in your daughter. But teachers insisted it was fine. She was in year 6 I think when her English teacher finally said to me, now about X's spelling ... and I went "hooray" someone actually thinks it matters.

I do think it is probably a manifestation of a mild form of dyslexia, compensated by being bright and able to achieve anyway. So you don't want to make a "big thing" of it, but on the other hand it is probably reasonable to have a chat about her maybe finding keeping spellings straight when she is writing fast, and has she noticed anything that helps? Making sure she is aware of spelling rules will also help - my daughter changed school this year and we did a spelling rules review over the summer at her instigation. Stuff like final e making a long vowel, doubling letters before endings if the vowel sound is short, etc.

My son and I are both "instinctive" spellers - we can still misprint and make typos, but those mistakes are different so I do think there is something "real" behind different people's ability to spell easily.

See what you can find online for spelling resources, or maybe prompt her to explore what might be out there? Good luck!

@Maroon no indeed, i made the same mistake when moving to Canada! Grilled cheese is slices of cheese between two pieces of bread (not on top of one, like cheese on toast), and then the sandwich is kinda "fried" in a pan until brown on both sides, and the cheese is melted. Really big here, and they sell it in canteens.

@Gallicos Yup, absolutely. Everybody is angry: teachers, parents, staff, unions, students. Last year was a really bad school year, seen nothing like it. But I don't in honesty blame the "girlld chesse" on that.

chesse! chesse! In what world?

I'm no expert but that screamed dyslexia at me. Definitely get her tested but no need for alarm as loads of extremely high functioning people are dyslexic as she clearly is. My dh is almost certainly dyslexic and I would say it has actively helped him as he thinks in a different way and has made it to the top of a very challenging field precisely because he thinks in a different way. My dd may be too but as it appears mild I haven't had her tested as don't want it to be an issue in her mind (it's not in my mind).

Chesse in a dyslexic world? You may need to be a bit kinder about this.

Do you have ANY other parents evidence?

"and I went "hooray" someone actually thinks it matters".

yes- that is how I would feel about it! I think part of the issue is that current education simply don't prioritize spelling at all, so she has received no negative feedback about the spelling, and so she wouldn't see why I am "making a big deal" about it, which what I do apparently whenever I open my mouth to say anything.

will look into the 'getting tested", but honestly don't have a clue where to start.

@Smile- sorry don't understand the question- what evidence, from what other parents? About the teacher strikes and ppl being angry? Lots of angry discussions in social media and also irl.

*any other evidence, not parent evidence

Right. Not as hard and fast as this. As I say, she doesn't have much occasion to write anyway. I had noticed some scraps before, nothing so glaring. More like typical where/were.

I can spell reasonably competently. My shopping lists are still indecipherable to anyone else but me. cuc/Let/toms/bread w/B, skim, chick - would be a typical example.

On another note, age 14 seems quite old for role-play games to me - is there more to this?

Oh, I have often wondered what grilled cheese is and now I know!

Chesse - I can imagine she thought "I know it has a double letter in it" and went for the wrong one, DS does that.

current education simply don't prioritize spelling I have not found this at all in my children's junior school, it's spelling spelling spelling, lists of 20 words coming home every week (I know you are not in UK!). DS1 had "zephyr" the other day. I don't even know if I have spelt that right here.

I wouldn't be jumping to diagnose her with anything.

Talk to her teachers.

" age 14 seems quite old for role-play games to me - is there more to this?"

Oh- this has always been a big thing for her - we sometimes do workouts together and pretends to be the gym teacher, or do our nails and she pretends to be manicurist. Or if someone needs a band-aid, she will out it on, pretending to be doctor/nurse. Something she's always done, though now it's a bit more tongue-in-cheek. Huh. Now I'm wondering how this got started?

"lists of 20 words coming home every week "- this was me in primary back in 80s!! I have not seen that at all here- I wonder how it would go down.

I guess the annoying thing about "chesse" (and "girll") for that matter- it's not even spelled how it is pronounced! I mean "chees" or even "cheez" would have been understandable!

Oh- this has always been a big thing for her - we sometimes do workouts together and pretends to be the gym teacher, or do our nails and she pretends to be manicurist. Or if someone needs a band-aid, she will out it on, pretending to be doctor/nurse. Something she's always done, though now it's a bit more tongue-in-cheek. Huh. Now I'm wondering how this got started?

Ha Ha - I don't want to be the stranger on the internet that picks up everything - but I guess it's a stage most children grow out of. If she does it tongue in cheek, maybe she realises that it's coming to an end...