Husband not spending time with my family
pinklady30 · 14/06/2017 10:13
It's my mums birthday this weekend and Father's Day is Sunday too so I was planning on visiting my parents on Saturday for an hour or two.
The following weekend is mils birthday and we're doing something on the day of her birthday and the weekend of her birthday plus the following weekend we're all away with her. My husband doesn't want to go to my family this weekend but he doesn't have any other plans. I'm also missing my best friends birthday for mils birthday too and I'm missing a friends wedding for the weekend away as I'd committed to the weekend away before I got the invite as we're not close friends so I wasn't expecting an invite. I just feel fair is fair if I'm going to spend time with his family he should spend time with mine as we don't see them a lot anyway. Just wondering aibu to be miffed
Cupcake1315 · 14/06/2017 10:30
You have every right to be annoyed. My ex would act like it was a burden to visit my family and I would always willingly visit his. It got to the point where I'd go to my family by myself as he was such a kill joy. His family are extremely weird but I always happily followed when he wanted to visit.
Fair is fair. I'm sure he'd be highly annoyed with you if you decided not to join him and his mother for their celebrations. Put your foot down and say if he's unwilling to come then you won't go with him. A tad bit childish but it might be the only way he understands how annoyed you are.
HildaOg · 14/06/2017 10:34
I wouldn't miss a best friends birthday for a mil birthday and I wouldn't have missed the wedding either. A weekend away can be done anytime. If he's pressuring and guilting you to spend time with his family then he is being unreasonable and unfair, if it's just you deciding family is most important to you and you're choosing this then yabu because you can't decide that for another person.
silkpyjamasallday · 14/06/2017 11:15
YANBU to be annoyed, I have a similar problem and it drives me mad. DP doesn't like spending time with my parents, sits on his phone the whole time, so now I tend to go on my own with dd, unless it is an 'occasion'. He lost his DM this year and he explained he finds it hard to spend time with a family unit as it highlights what he lost as his DM passed away when I was pregnant so never got to meet DD. Fair enough, I understand and I am sympathetic so I'm not going to force him to do anything that makes him upset.
However I always make the effort for his family, I would never sit playing on my phone when in company, and I never complain even though they always want to go out to dinner until late, and insist we share lifts so I am stuck with a grumpy overtired baby while everyone decides to have dessert and coffees and liqueurs and I'm forced to pace around trying to soothe her. Infuriates me, and is absolutely not a pleasant experience for me so one week after having had no sleep because of dd teething I didn't go and DP took dd on his own. I have been guilt tripped by his family (and DP to an extent) ever since, telling me to get a blood test 'if you're really that tired something must be wrong with you' no I just have a teething breastfed baby who is up multiple times during the night and don't have the energy to stay out at a restaurant until gone 10pm, nothing wrong with me at all, certainly not to warrant wasting my gps time asking for unnecessary blood tests. Also discovered the last time we went out that they have been feeding dd chips and creme brûlée when I go to the loo, which explains why she is always constipated after we see them.
I don't know what to suggest OP other than highlighting the imbalance in the situation and hope it gets through to your DH. My situation is difficult as DPs family are dealing with a huge loss and are still grieving so I feel I have to just deal with it for the foreseeable future. I just feel bad for my parents as they aren't pushy about seeing us at all so they miss out on time with dd because his family try to 'book' us for time with them every weekend.
WhatHaveIFound · 14/06/2017 13:03
Is it a significant birthday for your MIL? If not that i'd skip that and go celebrate with your best friend instead. It's not fair that your DH gets to choose which family occasions he goes to and you don't.
My own DH doesn't really like spending time with my parents but he does it for my sake and for our DC. And he's always polite when he's there no matter how much my mum witters on and does odd jobs for them.
Basecamp21 · 14/06/2017 13:08
It depends - you are saying you spend time with his family but does he expect/pressure you to do so or are you just doing it
If one person in a couple expects their partner to spend time with their family but is unwilling to spend time with their partners family then that is unfair. but if each of you are free to make your own choice then it is fine.
Do you enjoy spending time with his family and would choose to do so? Then I do not see the problem.
Make your own decision on how you want to spend your time and allow him to do the same - then no problem!!!
caffeinestream · 14/06/2017 13:14
I don't think people should be forced to spend time with their partners parents, tbh. For big birthdays or Christmas, it's polite, but otherwise I don't see it as being massively necessary in a relationship.
Would he mind if you didn't go along to see his parents?
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