AIBU to pay off one loan, then take out another?

[KrayKray00]

Please help as I am stuck about what to do.

Bit of a backstory and the post isn't about my relationship it is about the loan.

I have been with DP 8 years. We have children together. Our finances are separate, no joint accounts or anything. He pays me x amount of money a month for bills and I pay the rest (I usually pay more but that's not the issue). It works for us. But I no longer ask to borrow money off him as sometimes in the past he had made me feel a bit "you owe me..." or "you're in my black book now" he thinks it's funny where as I think it is a dick move. I have issues anyway when it comes to a man being in total control of finances. I never want to be in that position that if he ever left I am left with nothing, so this set up works for me. However. We live for now. I have no savings, well very little.

I took a loan out last year in DPs name. £4500 for 12 months with very low APR total amount paid back was £4644 The reason being I was a student and the only loans I could get had a RIDICULOUS amount of interest. I have never missed a payment and made sure the just under £400 monthly payment was in his account. I have two month left but now I am struggling by being £200 each month short because nursery fees have rocketed as my dc hours have had to go up.

Me and DP have been given some money (from his DP) and I had the impression we were going to split it that's what was said by them and him. And I said great I can pay my loan off now (just under £800 then I will have £700 for some other bills and to redecorate some rooms in the house. This would be fantastic and really useful.

However. My car is broke, the head gasket is going and it's just falling apart, it is a very very old car but has served me well. DP thinks I should buy a new car for £1000 and he keeps saying "we will take it out the money we were given" so then I can't pay off my loan which will leave me in the same position of being short for the next two months IYSWIM?

I was thinking of paying off this loan with £800 done and dusted. Then taking a loan for £1000 with the same people as Apr is only like 2.6-3.2% so repayments would be no more than £100 pcm for a new car. DP isn't really listening but I think I am making more sense by doing that than using the money we have? The repayments of £100 a month is much better than the amount I'm paying now of £390 a month.

What would you do? I'm so sorry it's so long I thought it would only be a short one but didn't want to drip feed. Also I would not ask his DP to loan the money as they have just given us this amount and asking my family is out of the question. Thank you if you've managed this long!

Right, so you have separate finances but each spend about the same amount on paying differnt bills. fair enough.

I agree that your idea seems more sensible - pay off the loan and take out another, meaning your monthly repayments are lower.

havingahorridtime My gym membership is only £28.50 a month. For this I can go to a number of gyms, classes and swimming. I take my DC swimming 3 times a week as they are included in my gym membership. I also take them to classes such as baby yoga and exercise classes where children can go. I don't smoke or drink so the Gym is the one thing I do which is for me, if that makes sense, it is like a hobby. I have considered cancelling it but if I sign back up again when I start working the price would go back up because I wouldn't be a "VIP" member.

The plan to take out a second loan sounds sensible to me - you need the money that youll have in the future accessible now for a one-off large expense. The issue with people taking out multiple loans is when the loan is trying to make up the shortfall in paying previous loans and it all snowballs, but that doesnt sound like the case here.

Are you both getting £3000 between you to share, from his parents? Or is it £1500 between you?
How much would a repair to the car cost?

It sounds like you just have to make things work to tide you over until September, so a fairly short term period of struggle if working Sundays.

I think I may have misunderstood, so I apologise if I have got this wrong, but have you currently finished being a student and your dc are still in nursery? Or will they all have stopped nursery? If still in nursery then might you be able to find a part time job during the week?

i am thinking

£3000 altogether which was meant to be split equally between us both.

I have just finished my final year of uni. As part of a requirement I have to do a "work placement" which is just voluntery work. I have to do so many hours. Which I do two days per week. However when I applied to do the voluntery work I had to commit to them for 18 months which will take me to next year just so I can have a certificate to certify it if that makes sense. The prefession I want to work in requires experiences, that's what 90% of the jobs I have been looking at look for. And I have non all I have is my qualifications and "life experience" and that's not what they mean.

Childcare already costs £90ish per day for both children who go twice a week. If I worked part time and they needed more hours I'd just be working to keep them in nursery. That's why I thought waiting till September would be better. I've even looked at working nights.

Profession not prefession*

I think your idea to pay off your loan and then borrow the £1,000 and pay back at the reduced rate is by far the most sensible.

Clearly he has the £3k Havingahorrid, which was intended to be shared. I'm missing nothing. It seems pointless to take out a loan when the money is there.

If you told the person, who gave the money he isn't sharing it and you need it, what would they say?

If he didn't have the cash, I'd say, you pool resources and do what you need to do. As he does have £1.5k, which was supposed to be given to you, this absolutely is financial abuse. This isn't something I'd forget for a very very long time.

They are splitting the £3k equally dragon. OP is choosing to spend hers on a loan / car and her do is presumably choosing to spend his as he wishes. Seeing as she usually has more money left over each month I don't see that as unreasonable and it's certainly not financial abuse.
Geez, some people try to read financial abuse into every single situation. With the OPs £1500 she will be able to pay off the £800 she has outstanding on the loan and have a significant chunk left over towards a new car and her monthly outgoings will be lowered. Are you suggesting that it would be fairer for the DP to give the entire £3k to OP and go without himself even though he goes without every month?

It's hardly financial abuse when OP says she doesn't want anymore money from him and that she has more money left over than him.