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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worrying this will be a disaster?

30 replies

Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 00:27

My family are taking us on holiday which I am massively grateful for as we wouldn't get a holiday otherwise. I realise how lucky I am so please don't flame me.

Both kids are teens and well behaved but one has SN and is very young for their age.

Usually we have gone to family resorts but this time my parents have booked something more for them which I truly understand and I'm just glad to get away. I didn't see the place before they booked but again I'm not paying apart from spends so fair enough.

I'm starting to worry now though. I've been looking at where they have booked and it's basically an old Manor house full of antiques.

Having found social media pages there isn't one child in any of the photos and everyone I have seen in the photos is my parents age. It mostly seems to be people who go back year after year and know each other. Even all the trip advisor comments are about this. It is a very small hotel.

Everyone is commenting that the best thing about it is no or hardly any children go and about no noise from children and how quiet it is as a result.

I am extremely grateful but already stressing about Dyspraxic, Aspie DS who also has sensory and processing issues, in a house full of antiques (they are everywhere) who is going to want to play in the pool (cannot swim properly despite years of lessons so tends to be a bit splashy when trying to get across the water) and genuinely play in the water.

It really really does not seem family friendly and I am now really worried I am going to spend the week constantly on at ds and it's going to be miserable for all of us.

What on earth do I do. It is already paid for.

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 14/06/2017 01:24

Ooh it does sound a tad misguided! Does DC like going on a tablet or computer? I'd personally think about making sure they had a good amount of access to that...and ask staff when the pool tends to be empty...and only use it at quiet times.

Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 01:44

Thanks for understanding and not flaming me.

There is no TV and no wifi in the rooms which are things that i would prefer them not to be constantly on while on holidays but which could have saved us but we do have a tablet for ds so he can go on that.

The hotel is in the middle of no where and off a busy road and about 10 miles from a beach but I'm hoping I can get out to there by bus.

The pool is tiny so it isn't possible to stick him at the other end.

Like I said I'm so grateful for the break but I'm already incredibly stressed that they will fall and break something or spend all week being glared at for making any form of noise. All the pictures I have seen (100s) show people 50 plus quietly playing cards or chess etc

I'm also worried that it will be incredibly Lonely for them.

I have even checked with the hotel that they accept kids and they do but they don't get many as there isn't anything there for them.

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 14/06/2017 01:48

Oh God. Does DS like spending time outdoors? What are his main interests? Your DS with SN I mean.

toffeeboffin · 14/06/2017 01:52

You'll definitely have to figure the bus out into town. How come there's no TV in the room? Shock

Do you drive?

scottishdiem · 14/06/2017 01:54

I fear you may need to think about cancelling which is really unfortunate but might be the most pragmatic solution. I dont think its just your SN child that you need to think about. Your other teenager will be bored.

Speak to your family by starting out with the gratitude for the holiday but point out that it is problematic and unsuitable and that they might not find it terribly enjoyable with unhappy family members. Best that they go and relax.

Butterymuffin · 14/06/2017 01:55

It's paid for in full, not just a deposit? Check that. See if you can cut it down and have a direct chat with your parents. Say what you've said here.

Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 01:58

I don't drive.
There isn't Tv in any of the rooms just one in the public lounge.

Regarding interests despite his lack of swimming skills he wants to spend all day in the water usually. It's the first thing he ask for. Other than that Minecraft.

We are going to hopefully get out by bus to the beach and to the nearest town.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 02:02

Definitely paid for in full as the balance was due with it being booked within x weeks of the date.

I didn't even think. Every time we have been away before even if they have booked there has been kids clubs and family facilities.
We don't need the kids clubs now but o didn't plan on a near enough adult only hotel.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 02:03

And yes ds is happiest outdoors so that isn't an issue.

OP posts:
avamiah · 14/06/2017 02:04

You cannot possibly go there with your children.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but my mother is 80 and I showed her this and she doesn't like the sound of it and wouldn't go there.
Why would they book and pay for it without consulting you .?

instrifeagain · 14/06/2017 02:11

If the hotel is in the middle of nowhere, there is unlikely to be a bus. Try researching the buses for the area on the internet. Swimming pools in adult only hotels don't get used much. We go to one with DS (ASD & SLD) , and often have the pool to ourselves.

toffeeboffin · 14/06/2017 02:17

Is there a local pool in the town nearby? If so you can take DS there if he's a keen swimmer.

Definitely search for other things to do nearby, parks, hiking etc if DS likes the outdoors - I reckon you'll be having lots of days out by the sounds of things! Grin

Love your username btw

Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 02:17

They are paying avamiah. They have vaguely told me where the hotel was and that it was a smaller hotel than usual but had a pool still.

Because we have been several times before to an area near there and based on the places we had stopped in before I wasn't concerned. Yesterday was the first time I had seen them since so I asked them the hotel name yesterday when I saw them so I could have a look and found the site and FB.

In fairness it looks lovely and has brilliant reviews. If it was me without the boys I would think it was bliss but even other adults have commented that it is more like a retirement home than a hotel Shock

Two boys one of whom has SN in a place where adults in their fifties plus just want to relax by the pool and have peace and quiet terrifies me.

OP posts:
avamiah · 14/06/2017 02:19

I have to say it sounds like a nursing home if I'm being honest .

Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 02:23

Ds cannot ride a bike but I'm hoping they might have a trailer bar bikes or even a tandem you can hire nearby somewhere.

OP posts:
AngelaTwerkel · 14/06/2017 02:26

It sounds a bit boring for two teenagers.

What are your parents planning to do there? Are they planning to take you all on day trips? You might be okay if this is the case - wear the kids out on plenty of excursions!

e1y1 · 14/06/2017 02:33

Actually YANBU, this doesn't sound like a holiday for children at all, especially considering a lot of the guests consider one of the best aspects is that there are no children.

I would speak to your parents.

Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 02:35

We have planned one excursion with then holiday company and we will go into town one day.

Otherwise usually they are happy to just potter about on site. Neither parent has super mobility anymore. In the past this hasn't been an issue as there has been kids clubs and entertainment at night and loads of other kids so we have just managed to do our own thing.

OP posts:
avamiah · 14/06/2017 02:43

Sweatingcobbles,
I think it is very kind of them to book and pay for a holiday for you and your boys.
At the end of the day, the hotel accepts children and that's that.
I'm sure once you get there you will find lots of things to do and even though they don't have a TV and wifi I'm sure they have lots of board games and if not ,take a few.
I take it they serve Breakfast and dinner and offer room service?,
That's a holiday alone having another person make my breakfast and bring me a cup of coffee.haha
I'm sure you will have a good time and I apologise for sounding negative in earlier posts.
X

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2017 02:45

Sweatingcobbles I think you have two options.

Tell your parents they have screwed up, in the nicest possible way, let them go without you and possibly never invite you in anoter holiday again, or... go... and make the best of it.

Your main concerns seem to be that precious antiques will be broken or your boys bored or other guests disturbed.

Antiques
I think you can go some way towards combating this by:
Asking for any antiques to be removed from the bedroom/s you will use
Making sure your boys know to keep all horseplay etc to the grounds

Boredom
Take lots of things to amuse the boys, comics or annuals, or books if they are big readers, any electronic device that doesn't need the internet (we have a hudl you can download programmes onto, it is very good), take anything else like craft items for use outdoors. Check out what is available in the local area, are your parents driving you, might they be willing to take you to the beach or into town daily? Take balls, frisbys, any sporting stuff to be used well away from the house,. If the boys are into amateur film making take an old digital camera or video camera, get them to document the holiday and find fun things to record.

Is there a DVD player there? Can you afford a cheap one to take?

SYLVANIA SDVD6672UK DVD Player

Lastly, the hotel allows children, your parents have paid to take their grandchildren on holiday. The kids, and you, have as much right to be there are as anyone else. Please do not worry about the other residents too much. If they really wanted to be in a hotel that does not have kids they would have booked one that does not allow kids, they did not!

Just try and relax, enjoy all you can, take bribes (comics, small bags of sweets, bars of chocolate, new items like a DVD or new outdoor game) and ensure boys know the treat is before bed, and they only get it daily if they behave in the day.

Yes, I know it is not that simple, my dd has autistic tendencies, and neither of my children bribe well, but sometimes it works!

Please do not spend the week apologizing for your children.

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2017 02:48

Just as an aside when I was much younger I ended up on an old people's type holiday. I did very much what you experienced, it was booked and it was not until I got there I realised it was almost all old people.

I was very upset until I talked to a woman about 10 years older than me. I was just asking her what she thought and she said something like this... "Well,. I'm the carer for my mum so most of the time I am looking after her. So to come away to a hotel and have other people cook for me and look after me is just lovely."

Qwebec · 14/06/2017 02:48

Did you try explaining the situation to the hotel manager? If it is a place known for it's peance and quiet and is full of fragile objects, they might be happy to refund in full knowing that your familie's misunderstanding. It would save them from dealing with all the complaints coming their way.

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2017 02:49

I hope your holiday is just lovely and your boys rise to the challenge.

Qwebec · 14/06/2017 02:51

If you choose to go, I agree with Italiangreyhoud.

Original poster
Sweatingcobbles · 14/06/2017 03:14

Thank you all. It's a bed and breakfast place.

In fairness the hotel looks really lovely and area looks really lovely. The boys are good kids and will get on with it.

It's more the many trip advisor comments that say not suitable for children,peaceful because of no children, not suitable for families,more for over 50s (one calls it Spains Great Marigold Hotel!) and that most of the people there are retirees who return year after year who the hotel won't want to loose.

I'm more worried we will be faced with cat bump faced looks for daring to bring children and like mentioned above I'm worried about spending the week apologising for ds stimming, spinning or splashing when trying to swim.

Hopefully I'm worrying about nothing and they will embrace the presence of an autistic teen Hmm

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