Having fantasies about someone else

[Whatislife123]

In a dead end relationship. I was very naive and stupid for settling with my husband knowing how chaotic and manic our relationship was for years before i got married to him. After having my first child and thanks to mumsnet i realised how unhealthy my relationship is. Now i am beginning to fantasise about a man i used to know 17 years ago and thinking how my life would have different. I would have love and respect. The problem is he has a fiancee and 3 children. But i can't stop thinking about him and he has even come into my dreams. AIBU fantasying about someone else's man hoping he was mine?

Sorry about allthe typos😳

YANBU for fantasising. YWBU if you were to contact him knowing you had this fantasy in mind. YABU to waste your life married to a man you don't love when you could have the opportunity to fall in true love (I respect though it's not just that easy to walk out of a marriage)

As above YANBU for fantasising, but you YWBU to contact him. Don't forget this is someone you knew 17 years ago, you're not actually fantasising about a man who exists now, for all you know he could have become an arse.

YABU to stay in a dead-end relationship, so (although it won't be easy) figure out what you want and try and make it happen.

Time to act on it....have an affair with someone else

I frequently have naughty fantasies about Tom Hardy and my gym instructor 😍

I think it is normal to wonder what life might of been like if things were different.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side either. I hope you manage to sort your dead end relationship out. That's what sounds like the problem.

I regulary check his fiances FB page and have seen a couple of posts about how fantastic he is which makes my heart melt. I just want a normal loving relationship. Simeone that is supportive and caring. I am kicking myself for not pursuing a reltionship with this man whilst i had a chance.

I agree that I must end my marriage but not easy at the moment for various reasons.

Sounds like an obsession, to distract you from an unhappy existence.

YANBU to have fantasies.

Don't go thinking about breaking up a happy family though. Waste of energy and will only create misery, for yourself and worst case scenario, the fiancé and their kids.

Do try to keep your family amicable, even if you can't be together.

I hope that you do feel happy, settled and loved in the near future.

I just want a normal loving relationship

Yanbu to fantasise. It's your mind's way of figuring stuff out. It doesn't mean you will pursue this man, it's just a way of exploring what you want your life to be like. It helps you move on from your current set up, mentally.

and emotionally.

Fantasy is normal. To be honest you don't really know if you'd have the respect and love as it might be you two are not compatible.
There's no point in wondering your life away or living miserably. You would be very unreasonable to waste your life without making changes when you're aware of your misery.

I am hoping that I bump into him. We live local to each other but it just never seems to happen. 😩. I feel pissed off with myself for not being sensible in choosing a good partner and now I am paying the price. And I would never get in contact with him. That would be very selfish of me.

I have told my husband on numerous occasions to move out but the twat wont do it. To be fair we are both to blame for the failure of this relationship. the penny has finally dropped and i have come to my senses that we both deserve better but my husband is willing to hang on by hook or by crook.

Thank you all for your advice😀

Solicitor time then... New life is around the corner x

I could have written your question op :-(
YANBU especially as you're stuck in your relationship. Sorry I don't have any actual advice but I can completely empathise. LTB isn't as simple as it should be.

You don't know you would be loved/treated well with this other guy. He could have turned into another jerk. But like everyone else said that's not the issue the issue is you need to get some counselling or leave your relationship

Dontbesilly i agree he could be a twat but he may not be. I would love to find out though.

Grumpygreta sorry you are going through the same thing. The only comfort i am getting from this sorry excuse of a marriage is that I am now more aware of what I want from a relationship and how I also need to be mindful of my behaviour. I have behaved like a twat also not just my husband.