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To expect to be able to plan meet ups

11 replies

friendsornot · 13/06/2017 17:05

I have no idea if I'm being U here but today my friend said they get stressed out when I plan to meet up in the evenings or weekends.
I have a 4yo dd so any hope of me organising childcare rests on being able to plan. I have good solid childcare in place but it still needs to be planned for an evening out. My friend recently said why does all my evenings/weekends have to be planned and I said because I have dd and it's difficult. Should I just give up on this childfree friend? They literally say after everytime we meet what a chore it is to have to plan each meet and would be nicer if I didn't have to plan and could leave it until closer to the time to see how they're feeling as sometimes they don't know if they'll be up for going out. I'm talking less than a week in terms of how long I plan going out?

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justkeepswimmingg · 13/06/2017 17:13

Shortly after falling pregnant I found that I drifted from friends, who did not have children (or any plans to have any). Part of having a single child free life is the choice to make plans spontaneously, and do as you please. I didn't fit that category anymore, so stopped being invited.
Also I actually didn't want to leave my DS for quite a while, he was premature and so so tiny for a longboard time. They couldn't understand that I didn't want to be away from him, after he'd been so poorly.
It's no ones place to say ditch them, but if they're not understanding to your situation and complain each time you see them, then they're not worthy friendships in my eyes.

Shoxfordian · 13/06/2017 17:14

Your friend sounds flaky.
Don't bother planning any more meet ups with her

Shoxfordian · 13/06/2017 17:15

I don't think it's about being single without children btw. I don't have children but I happily plan a meet up next week or the following weekend with friends

araiwa · 13/06/2017 17:15

meet ups can be planned or instant

if she doesnt want to make plans then find someone who does

friendsornot · 13/06/2017 17:18

Thanks I just wasn't sure as they made me feel like I'm forcing them to meet me. I just looked at another plan for the weekend that another friend made who is also child free and they said yesterday can I come to their BBQ Saturday and I said not sure as have plans and they got back to me saying yeah it's a bit last minute. So got me thinking seeing as flaky friend said today that it stresses them out when I plan things, I planned to see them Saturday on Sunday just gone. Today they're saying it stresses them out and they'd rather I didn't make plans. So I'm thinking just cancelling them and going BBQ and attempt to make more of a solid friendship elsewhere. They're supposedly one of my best friends but maybe not!

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Believeitornot · 13/06/2017 17:41

Maybe they just don't like plans full stop and get a bit anxious about it - some people are a bit like that.

My child free friends are fine with me having to be more organised!

hellobonjour · 13/06/2017 17:43

Any meet up involves some element planning whether it be 5 min or 5 days.

Your friend is a dick.

Leeds2 · 13/06/2017 17:49

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable. Lots of groups of friends who don't have a child between them often plan things well in advance.

Would a possible compromise be for your friend to ring you when she wants to meet up, and come round to your house that evening, so that you don't have to factor in child care?

friendsornot · 13/06/2017 18:08

I just text them saying I can't really meet up without planning as I have dd and also I mentioned that they don't really ask to see me anyway. They've text back saying plans stress them out and they're not asking me to change. Looks like this one is dead in the water.
I am pretty hurt but not much I can do. They don't arrange to see me it's me always arranging to see them so looks like I'll have to make new friends. As for can they come to mine. Tbh yes that's an option but I thought they're my closest friend and I like going out with them. Once we are out we have a good time but this hurts because I know next time I'm like let's do this if I see something to do they'll be like ahh you always have to plan things. I'm the most disorganised person on the planet so it's not like I organise anything except a time and sometimes a place. Oh well. Maybe they'll get it when they have a kid or maybe I could just have them round. Idk just down about it but I have other friends.

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pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 18:31

To what level are you planning OP - are you making going out a military operation? I like to make plans ahead but actual firm plans are usually done a day or two before

friendsornot · 13/06/2017 20:01

So I saw my friend on Saturday night and we had a good night. She's not living in my area, that night she said this Saturday she's down my way so the next day I said as you're down my way why don't we meet up and she said yeah maybe we can do this and mentioned something to do.
Today I asked her about Saturday and she's saying plans stress her out and she wishes I didn't have to make plans all the time.
I wish that too so I just said I'm not in that position anymore and I've since spoken to her and she says she thinks that's the problem. We're in different stages. I'm a Mum and she's not. So I think she really couldn't have spelt it out any more clearly. She's said she doesn't think it's going to change going forward and I need to adapt or it's unlikely the friendship will survive. Now I'm just like ok fair enough but I really am quite hurt.

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