NDN wanting to put new fence right on the boundary

[soloula]

So we're in a new build property. Moved in at the end of March and are still getting round to doing our garden. We have a big slope so are wanting to get the garden split into two levels so need to get someone in as neither DH nor I are able to do something like this ourselves. So our garden is just the soil the builders left and that's it until we get our finances sorted to get the garden done.

NDN has extended the patio the builders have left with a raised bed filled with chuckles. It is right up to the boundary, as it the path the builders put round the side of his house. We have the same issue on the other side of the property with NDN2 as our path is right up to the boundary. The builders have put a small fence in - just posts with a single slat between them, just a couple of feet high - to mark the boundary.

As NDN has done his garden he is keen to get a fence but when he spoke to us a few weeks ago I explained it would be a few months before we had the money and also that I knew someone who could do it cheaper than his guy (maybe by £200, so £100 less than his guy each when we're going halfers). We also have an issue that as we're wanting to split the levels, the lower posts would end up exposed when we dig into the garden at the bottom and would need reset. Not an issue if he erected a fence in his side but if it's on the boundary then for us to avoid affecting the fence we'd have to dig well inside our own garden, effectively losing a foot or so of garden. NDN was happy to wait and for me to get my guy out to quote too. That was how we left it.

We had a landscaper out last week to quote for getting the levels sorted and slabbed etc and I took a few days to get a loan sorted once we knew the price. Gave the landscaper the go ahead yesterday so we're just waiting for plans to get drawn up before we get a date but should be in the next six weeks. I planned to chap NDN last night to let him know we would be able to get the fence in a few weeks but he was out.

So this morning his guy turned up to do the fencing. I am assuming NDN decided to go ahead without us and pay for it all himself but I had to tell his guy that we'd need to see about the fence in a few weeks once our levels were sorted. Guy was quite rude to me.

AIBU to expect NDN to consult us if he's getting work done on the boundary?

Also - aibu to make NDN wait for a boundary fence until we have our garden issues resolved? My understanding is that if he wants a fence then it should be in his garden and anything on the boundary should be agreed by both parties. I'm annoyed that he's gone and done this behind our back and it now makes it look like we're being the awkward ones stopping the work going ahead when we're just trying to work round the awkward situation the builders left i.e. nowhere to put the fence except on the boundary unless we go to lots of expense of moving paths etc. His guy has bought in the fence posts and dropped them and the mixer off this morning. What if, once our garden is done in a few weeks and we are in a position to get the fence, I don't want to pay his guys price and my guy is cheaper?

Hate this as we don't want to fall out as we've just moved it.

So a wee update and another aibu/wwyd.

Spoke to my neighbour the other night and he was quite obnoxious and unreasonable. He wants a fence. If we don't have the money then he'll put his own up on the boundary (I.e. Remove the builders fence). If he does this it will be his fence and if we want to paint it, hang things off etc then we'll need to put our own rails and slats on our side. He doesn't seem to care about the legal side of things - that the deeds say the fence is shared jointly and one party can't tear down the boundary fence without the others consent. He reluctantly agreed to wait until we have the garden done in a few weeks.

I thought that was it until his mum appeared yesterday, taking photographs of the fence and then calling over the site manager and haranguing him about the fence. I went on to hear what he was saying as imo if they're having a conversation about our joint fence then I'd like to hear what was being said. With hindsight that wasn't the best idea as the woman is completely unhinged. She started screaming in my face, waving her finger in my face and calling me a bloody liar, ranting and telling me to stay away from her boy and that her boy would get a fence and it was nothing to do with me. Site manager tried to calm the situation but I ended up walking away after barely getting a word in edgeways as you just can't reason with people like that.

I went back round to speak directly to my neighbour last night to check we were still in agreement to hold off. He said we were but that after four weeks he's going to go ahead and do what he wants. I reiterated the legal position. Joint fence - joint decision. My lawyer had actually said phone the police if they touch it as it's criminal damage since its 50% ours. I phoned the police on 101 for advice and they said yes that is the case and if they get aggressive or threatening again then to call them straight away.

I've barely slept for the last week since this all kicked off. I know that even if we speak to him about a joint fence we'll have a battle as he wants his guy to do the fence and I don't want anything to do with him after he was so nasty to me the other day. NDN also wants a fence right to the front of the houses but we want it to the top of our back garden, as we will only be using that side of the house for taking the bins out so no point fencing it in and having that additional unnecessary expense. I would like just to get our own fence and leave the boundary up as we will still need it to mark the boundary between the side of the houses and let him deal with his own fence on his own side, as I'm just finding it so stressful dealing with these horrible people. My fibromyalgia has flared up this week. I'm just fed up with them.

DH has pointed out that if we do this then he can't get his own fence without moving slabs and things as the builder sited the boundary fence right up to the edge of his slabs, even though the true boundary (i.e. The midway point between the two houses which the site manager measured for his mum yesterday) is actually in from the slabs. TBH i feel like it's not my problem and we don't owe him any favours as they've been so awful.

AIBU just to get our own fence and not deal with them again? I'm fully aware that they are our neighbours and we should try to get on with them but I've done my best to try and make peace with them but they're just being incredibly unreasonable about the whole thing, especially as the site manager has pointed out the boundary should actually be in his garden, almost a foot over from where it is but because of the laziness of the path layers not wanting to make cuts to the slabs we've already lost garden and I'm not kicking off over this which I would be well within my rights to do.