AIBU to be jealous of friend?

[SpottyDoggy345]

I know IABU as my husband has already told me I am.

I'm seeing my best friend of 15 years on Thursday and our other friend.

Me and BF after our pregnancies decided to go on a health kick. Both unhappy about our weight. We joined a gym started logging calories and weighed each other each week. At first I was doing really well then after 6 weeks my willpower disappeared. I quit the gym and started eating normally again. BF continued and lost quite a bit of weight.

My weight has been a constant battle all my life and a year later I made the decision to have weight loss surgery. It hasn't worked and I am heavier now than before.

BF got a new job 6 months ago and now works opposite days to me so we rarely see each other. We text daily tho.

On Saturday evening we were getting petrol and I saw bfs car. Me and my husband were sat in the car and she walked past to go into the shop. I would of never recognised her she has lost a lot of weight and looks incredible.

She has never mentioned she has lost weight when we have spoken.

I now want to cancel as I know other friend will want to know how she's done it. OF always does the newest fad diet but like me also struggles. I don't want to hear it. My husband says I should go along and hear her out to get some tips. I shouldn't need to get any tips.

I feel her success is my failure and it would be better for me to not go.

So WIBU to cancel lunch over something so petty?

Well done, Jiminy. What diet are you doing?

waltermitty said it way better than I ever could have!

Hey OP

Have you thought about a dance class or something you would enjoy?
I took up Pole fitness a few years back. I hate the gym. Can't stand it. Pole works my upper body and isn't too intense for me and I can see the progress via the moves I do which keeps me motivated.

Maybe stop thinking about dieting, which in itself conjures up images of hunger and deprivation which will eventually cause you to 'fail'

Instead think about a complete lifestyle change, walk more, drink more water and green tea, eat healthy food, reduce portion size, do something productive instead of snacking. It's easy, there's no trick to it and you'll be successful because you're not on a diet, it will be your new normal.

How would you feel if it were the opposite way round?

I quit the gym and started eating normally again

You mean you started over eating again?

Stop dieting and look into just following a healthy diet. It has to be a lifestyle change but obviously you can have 'treats' but as just that a 'treat'
Your friend has done well so don't resent her! She may be able to help you.

OP, have you tried the 5:2 plan? (With you saying you can manage a few days before losing the will I wonder if this may suit you.)

I always used to be very slim and then had medical issues along with the menopause and my weight shot up.

I tried all the usual, WW, Slimming World etc without success. Basically, I can't cope with waking up every day and knowing I have another day of dieting.

I found 5:2 4 years ago - thank you God - and it was bliss only dieting 2 days and then pretty much eating what I liked - within reason - for the rest of the week. Yes the two "Fasting days" are quite tough but you soon get used to it and knowing you can eat pretty normally the next day helps you through.

The weight fell off me and I am now back to a trim and toned size 12 - I do 15 mins formal exercise each day with my own gym equipment at home - but still follow the 5:2 principle although not as strict. My weight is now very stable and I still lose the odd 1lb or 2 without really trying. Can highly recommend and it has been shown to be very healthy too.

Don't cancel lunch with friend! Yes it will be hard - I can so understand - but try and use as an incentive to make a fresh start either the day or week after.

Suggest you go ahead this time, but then try and see your friend alone, if the other friend is likely to witter on about weight loss and you'll find that stressful.

Also suggest that you stop discussing your body / food issues with your friend: puts her in a difficult position and as you're comparing yourself is probably not great for you either.

Walter I'm on the mumsnet low carb bootcamp

I'm eating a low carb, high fat diet. 70% of daily calories from fats, around 25g carbs a day and 30% of cals from protien (ish). Eating about 1200 cals. Sounds utterly terrifying to be eatng that much fat and like i live on butter, but it's actually what a true med diet looks like. Examples of what I'm eating:

B: Usually coffee with a big spoon of coconut cream in it, at weekends it's full fat greek yoghurt, frozen summer berries and cocoa nibs or scrambled eggs with plenty of butter and bacon.

L: Antipasti (cheeses, olives and slow roasted tomatoes), or soup (have to read the labels but there's loads of lower carb options) or smoked salmon salads etc, omlettes fried in butter etc.

D: Anything I fancy really, tonight is lamb neck fillet slow cooked in a bit of port, garlic and rosemary with celeriac mashed with butter and roasted broccoli. Yesterday was steak, stilton, mushrooms and broccoli. Sunday was mackerel, asparagus and green beans sauteed in butter.

S: I dont snack at all. Fat completely kills your apitite and the lack of carbs means your blood sugar stays really flat all day, so you never get hunger pangs. If I dont feel like a meal though (see lack of hunger) I sometimes have a spoon of peanut butter, or LC crackers made from flaxseed with pate or cream cheese (full fat of course!)

I've been eating this way since Feb 8th so just over 4 months and if you'd told me before that this worked I'd have and did laughed.

Sorry OP, didn't mean to de-rail.

Superb Jiminy! Good woman!

Go - be pleased for her and let her help you ... don't get yourself further down because that's not helping you to keep motivating yourself. Go with a good heart and see how it goes

Use that feeling to motivate yourself to get back on track - you could do it together, since whatever she's doing is obviously working for her.

You're not much of a friend if you are contemplating cancelling over this.

She hasn't mentioned her weight loss because she obviously knows you struggle and doesn't want to gloat.

You should be proud of her, as you know more than anyone how hard it is to lose weight.

You aren't a very good friend if you'd allow this to affect your friendship and cancel seeing her because of it.