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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to be pissed off?

15 replies

wouldthatitwere · 12/06/2017 22:58

first time I've posted for advice, but I've been lurking for a while. So been with partner for 10 years nearly, we moved to London 3 years ago so he could study at uni, he's half way through his masters. We've also just had our second child. He made a film on his last course, which is doing well and has been entered into festivals, the latest being in Europe, he is going with uni mates, with my blessing. My issue is I've just seen on his fb that he's actually just telling me it's a networking opportunity and really they are all just going for shits and giggles (will watch their film being shown then fuck the festival off for sun and beer) and that he'll have to find a picture of a festival to show me on the first night. He's leaving me with a 3 year old and a 6 month old. He been struggling with depression, stress, bad back for a few months and could do with a break. I don't want to tell him what he can and can't do because I feel we should be our own people as well as being in a relationship, but aibu to feel that I'm being taken for a mug? it's not the first time he's gone off with mates for a weekend, when I've been pregnant or had a kid or two.

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 12/06/2017 23:01

It's odd that he would basically sneak off like a teenager. Are you short on cash at the moment? There's nothing wrong with him having a break but it needs to be done responsibly and with funds and organisation for you to have the same thing.

SteppingOnToes · 12/06/2017 23:07

3 years and only halfway through his masters? They only take a year! I'm doing mine in 2 years part time... He's having you on :(

wouldthatitwere · 12/06/2017 23:13

we're not rolling in money, he is taking the credit card though! sorry wasn't clear on the studying, he's done a three year degree, now doing his masters, is half way through. I was aware that he was obviously going to enjoy this time away, got no problems with that, just don't know why he has to spin a yarn?! yeah, it is teenage like .

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 12/06/2017 23:15

YANBU - not only is he lying to you, he is having a laugh with his mates about how he is going to pull the wool over your eyes. Disrespectful.

He owes you a break now. Is there anywhere you would like to go for a weekend while he looks after the children? Or maybe he gives you a lie in every Sunday or commits to taking both children out one morning or afternoon every weekend to give you a break?

wouldthatitwere · 12/06/2017 23:15

I'm planning on doing something for a weekend when I've stopped breastfeeding, in just over 6 months, but by then we're going to be back near family and he'll have it easy what with his mum being nearby! might have to make sure she's not around so he can have the full on experience of looking after 2 on his own..

OP posts:
wouldthatitwere · 12/06/2017 23:20

he does a lot too, gets up with 3 year old every morning, I get up when I want, depending on baby. he works, does dinners, looks after the oldest loads more. But is a bit scared of looking after the baby for long periods, says he can't feed em so I feel like I'm being done a favour when he has baby for short periods of time. So no I don't really ever get a proper break from the baby and am counting down the months till I stop bf.

hedda thank you, that's my feeling too, he's disrespecting me.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 12/06/2017 23:25

I've had an even better idea. Do some internet research on the festival he is going to and then when he gets back, ask him lots of detailed questions including questions about the fake picture he sends you. You could have a bit of fun with this plus send a bit of a warning shot across his bows about trying to play you for a fool in the future.

wouldthatitwere · 12/06/2017 23:29

ha that's a good idea! I will try to do that, only thing is its not for a couple of weeks and I think I'll struggle not to say anything first! I feel like I want to ask him to confirm to my face that he's going for the festival and not just for a holiday, as that would be a shitty thing to do... he actually called it a holiday earlier then corrected himself! so will say that's got me worried?!

OP posts:
Lana1234 · 12/06/2017 23:33

Yanbu at all. He should have just said he was gonna watch the film then have a laugh and a needed break with his mates. By the sounds of it though you deserve a break as well! There is no need for him to be shady about it.

wouldthatitwere · 12/06/2017 23:46

exactly, I would have nodded and said fair enough! no need for it at all. He knows I'm not the sort to say he can't do things. Maybe he's just showing off? Thing is 2 of them are female and one of the did the laughing emojis when he said he'd have to find a pic to show me. He is going to have to know I know quite soon. He clearly needs a bollocking.

OP posts:
Hisnamesblaine · 13/06/2017 00:56

It's just so deceptive. Would make my blood boil that they word be having a laugh at my expense

wouldthatitwere · 13/06/2017 08:20

that's how I feel, just waiting for the right time to bring it up.

OP posts:
DavetheCat2001 · 13/06/2017 08:31

Yeah I'd not be happy with that at all, sounds like a twattish way to behave.

Me being me I wouldn't be able to style it out for the 'right time' to bring it up, I'd just come straight out with it and call him out and tell him he's being a dick, and you're off asap on a weekend of your own.

wouldthatitwere · 13/06/2017 10:00

yeah I'm the same, can't keep things in which is why I brought it up with him at 8.30 this morning! he has apologised and said it was just stupid bravado and banter. He said that the whole group has a lot of respect for me allowing him to do so much. I knew the course he did would open these sort of doors so can't really complain about him going, I'm happy that his film is doing so well and wouldn't want it any other way. He now knows not to be a prick at my expense. Thank you lot for chatting with me x

OP posts:
DavetheCat2001 · 13/06/2017 20:02

Glad it has resolved itself OP.

Make sure you get some time away having funtimes in return asap!

x

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