Spending my lunch entertaining another person's child

[Chickaletta]

Dd was at nursery this morning so decided to treat myself to a nice quiet lunch at the local tea rooms. Had (v young baby) DS with me but he was due a nap so I found a quiet corner (it's a bit like a rabbit warren) with a plan to settle him while I waited for my food and enjoy a coffee and a book before collecting DD.

Ordered, got my book out and DS was drifting of when a young girl (about 3) appeared. Very polite and asking me about DS, so I answered with names etc. But then it progressed to squeezing him - and i started to loudly explain why you must be gentle - then she got up on a chair and started playing with various ornaments nearly breaking a teapot - so I of course was then doing the old 'be careful' quite loudly and explaining why we don't do these things as they could break/don't belong to us/you could fall. My food had arrived by now and I was thinking surely her parent/carer is going to show up in a minute. By this point DS was clearly not going to nap so I got him sat on my lap, she came in for a bear hug, he kicked off, I then had to feed him while the little girl poked and prodded him despite me explaining again why she musn't do that. All whilst trying to eat my lunch.

Eventually a lady turned up and I of course was expecting the whole British thing of...
Oh I hope she hasn't been bothering you
Oh no, not at all
Say thank you to the nice lady Jessica

But nope, nothing - no acknowledgement of the fact I (a total stranger) had spent the last 30 minutes entertaining and minding her child while she presumably enjoyed her lunch in relative peace and quiet.

I don't think AIBU about the entertaining the child bit. I'm willing to admit i was probably BU about not doing anything about it at the time but in all honesty I kept thinking someone will turn up to rescue me in a second. Also I'm not really sure what I could have done - there was no indication where this child had appeared from, i didn't much fancy abandoning my belongings (and food) to locate said child's parent particularly once I was feeding DS (and what should i have said - please take your child back they are disturbing my lunch?!), and I worried sending her back however politely could get a bit lost in translation.

So TL:DR
AIBU to be annoyed my toddler free lunch was taken over by someone else's toddler, and WIBU to have let it happen

Mrsmadevans hahahaha

YANBU to be pissed off. You should not have done it.

At the first sign of a teapot being broken or your baby prodded, you should have called over the waitress and asked them to find the child's parent.

The other mum was very rude in not thanking you, let's be generous, maybe she was embarrassed. You could not have said anything rude as that may have hurt the child's feelings.

In future be more assertive. If hot tea or soup had burnt the child you would have felt bad (I know I would) so you needed to say to the waiter/wiatress "This child is in danger, climbing on a chair, messing with my drink, I cannot leave my baby, please help this little girl back to her mum or dad."

Haha I knew i was being unreasonable to have put up with it ! I'm just a bit socially awkward and much much better at quietly seething than actually doing anything about anything! I fear being perceived as rude I guess

Funnily enough the thing that annoyed me most was the Mum (I assume mum here) turning up and not making any mention of it, like it was normal.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and next time (if there is one) I will just have to put on my big girl pants and actually do something - although next time I shall probably react faster and send any child away with the waitress/waiter bringing my food with a 'I think this child is lost'.

I was just so sure someone would be along in a minute because I wouldn't let DD wander off like that. I only really noticed how long it had been once she had been collected.

When my child was 3, if she went to another adult and they kept entertaining her I would assume they were in the 'loves kids' category and think I were doing them a favour in letting her stay.

Off you pop back to Mummy and Daddy now.

It probably is normal to her mum, cheeky cow that she is!

You definitely should've told her to back to her grown up and if that didn't work, asked the waitress very nicely but very loudly if someone has lost a child and could they please take her to her parent

Problem is, though, that nowadays Facebook feeds a sense of entitlement with regards parenting issues. I know someone who was complaining on FB a while back about an old man telling off her little girl for dancing about "just being a child, doing what children do" in Costa. No sense that Costa mid-morning is not the best place to meet your friend and bring along a lively pre-schooler who doesn't want to sit still and who is disturbing the other adults in the place meeting up with friends and family. There was a whole load of horrible, ageist replies in support of this person's complaints. Really nasty. "Bet he never had kids", "interfering old bastard", "grumpy old git". Not one person (including me, I'm ashamed to say) was brave enough to suggest that maybe a more child-friendly environment with space to play might have been better for the child. So all this person got was validation that she was right. Her entitlement was fed by these indignant friends of hers who actually hadn't been there so really shouldn't have commented as how did they know exactly how the child was behaving?

The person is extremely entitled and manipulative as it is and always blames someone else. She has everyone running around after her, it seems to me, and doesn't take any personal responsibility. Bloody Facebook. A totally false impression of real life and real opinions.

anyway......my point was that if you had taken the child back to her carer you could have got a mouthful of indignance. Probably would have complained about you on FB afterwards.

Thirty minutes?

The mum knew full well where she was and winged it to get herself a bit of peace and quiet. You pretty much know that after five minutes if there's no frantic hunt - so yes I would have been pretty pissed off and beckoned a waitress over as 'this child seems lost'

I think I would have gone to find her parent after about 5 mins

I think I would have gone to find her parent after about 5 SECONDS!

The OP has a lot more patience than I would have.

I was reading your post and totally feeling your pain! Poor you, quiet moments for you are just so precious when you have young ones. I would have been highly annoyed and it would have probably pissed me off for the remainder of the day - especially the attitude of the mother. Time to be more assertive!

I'd have told her to go back to her parent once my food arrived.

You should have handed her your baby and said my turn to eat in peace now