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To feel a bit uneasy about dd being given money "owed to her" she can't recall?

11 replies

Lostbeyondwords · 12/06/2017 17:12

Dd says a girl at school she doesn't think she knows, ran up to her and gave her 10pounds saying she owed it to her for some "thing". Dd says she doesn't know what this thing is, and the girl then ran off. But the girl did address dd by her name to get her attention.

She may have seen the girl's house tie colour, and the girl may have been mixed race but she's not completely sure of either.

Dd is 11 and doesn't have "form" for thievery, but has had a massive emotional upheaval recently and may be acting out, I don't know. She says not. As for why she wouldn't just keep it secret if stolen, we know she has no money currently and she is aware of that, so would question it if she suddenly wanted to go to the shops for something.

We did go away at the weekend and thinking back I thought I'd lost (well, I have) a 10 pound note or maybe two, I haven't worked it out yet, but I am prone to losing money from time to time so didn't think too much of it beyond being pissed I'd have to replace it as it was work money I had in an envelope in my purse. And I can't think where she would have kept it as she kept giving me her purse to look after and didn't have a coat with her and wasn't particularly protective over anything she had with pockets in so it didn't occur to me for even a second that she might have taken it.

I emailed a lady at her school to ask if she'd seen dd today and if she seemed ok (due to the recent "problem" she is being supported by a couple if lovely staff there). She agreed it sounded concerning and will try to get her to point out the girl tomorrow.
Does dd's explanation sound at all plausible to anyone else? I'm hoping yes but fearing no.

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 12/06/2017 17:15

Not really , would she normally have a £10 note at school to loan to someone as it's obviously not a close friend or she'd know who she was . Sorry to say it does sound a bit odd .


Lostbeyondwords · 12/06/2017 17:22

No she wouldn't, she's rubbish with money and always spends it as soon as humanly possible. She's not a saver. So I don't see her willingly lending a tenner out tbf.

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 12/06/2017 17:36

It must be horrible to think your own child is stealing from you , very awkward situation , particularly if she has other issues and you don't want to rock the boat .


Calyrical · 12/06/2017 17:37

That's really not plausible at all, is it?

Did DD volunteer this information? Flowers


fuzzyfozzy · 12/06/2017 17:51

If she told you about it herself I'd be thinking she took it in a mad moment and feels guilty


Lostbeyondwords · 12/06/2017 18:02

She volunteered it to dh as a "oh, this thing happened today..." on their way home.

I'm going to have a little try again. I'm just wary of making her feel awful even though it looks like she's done something wrong, because she's a bit fragile. But I don't want a bad pattern of behaviour forming at the same time.

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RichardSimmons · 12/06/2017 18:13

Yeah, that story is definitely not plausible. It sounds like your DD has come up with a story to explain why she has this money. But it does sound like she needs to be dealt with sensitively, not accused of stealing. She does need to understand it was wrongand of course return itbut if she is acting out for attention perhaps a bit of love bombing is in order.


metspengler · 12/06/2017 18:25

I would definitely chase this up and find out exactly where the money came from, and keep a very close eye on DC from now on.

Girls should not be getting mystery money from a mystery person and lying to their parents about it, there are some pretty terrible things this could be as well as innocuous ones.


Nikephorus · 12/06/2017 18:26

Maybe you need to try the "I wish people would give me £10 because I lost 1 or 2 x £10 at the weekend...." and see if she turns bright red...


AuntJane · 12/06/2017 18:32

Make small identifiable markings on the notes in your purse, or photograph the serial numbers. Next time your daughter has unexpected money, compare.


Lostbeyondwords · 12/06/2017 19:13

AuntJane I may be tempted if I had money like that around routinely but I very rarely have that kind of money on me and my purse is practically for show. So much so that I spent half an hour looking for it before I needed it. I usually keep small change in my pocket and only take out notes if I'm using them there and then, else I use my card.

Richard right on the nose with your comment.

We've had a chat about lies snowballing and that at the moment she's got a fair amount of leeway/understanding but that makes it super important to be truthful. She hid behind her bag and confessed to finding it on the floor in the cafeteria and said she picked it up and waved it about but nobody looked interested so she put it in her pocket. She said she showed the dinner lady but they made a "meh" face so she kept it as she wasn't sure who to give it to, but will bring it tomorrow and give it to her house office.

She said she doesn't know why she made up a silly tale to cover it up but that she definitely didn't steal it from someone and genuinely didn't know how the person who lost it would even get it back if she gave it in.

Nike I mentioned it. But she didn't give anything away. But I do genuinely have trouble keeping track of money for some reason which is why I tend not to keep large sums around.

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