To wish I didn't feel hurt by friendship issues at my age?!

[Howdoichangethis]

I'll start this off by saying I'm normally a fairly level headed woman in my mid 30's and wish I didn't feel like this! So I have preschool aged twins and when they were very small I made friends with two other mums who live locally, called H and K. Both H and K have a similar aged child to my two as well as an older primary school child. When our children were small we spent a lot of time together and also all worked part time on the same days so are all always around on a Monday and Friday. Over the past few months H and K have become friendly with another mum A who again has a primary school aged child and a pre schooler. It seems that my place in our friendship group has been taken by A and I am frequently not invited to things. The three of them visit each other's houses every Friday after school pick up and we are never invited. I was however graciously told by H how nice it would once my two start school as then we'd be able to join them on a Friday! I have today been to drop something off to K and found the three of them all there. I wish it didn't bother me and I wish I could rise past it but I just feel so hurt. These were two of my closest friends and we're meant to be going away with K and her family this weekend. We were messaging last night so there was ample opportunity for her to invite me this morning. I've always tried to be a good friend and whilst I'm past wanting to be invited I'm sad at being excluded. I'm in my mid 30's FGS and thought my days of feeling like this were well past me.

either you are friends or you aren't

Or, you have lots of friends, or even just 'several friends', and sometimes you do something with these 2, and sometimes those 2 do something with someone else, and sometimes that someone else does something with someone you consider to be a friend and yet another person. Sometimes you do things with a group of 10 or 12, sometimes it is with 1 person, or 2 or 3. Sometimes you do things with people they don't know, or as the OP is doing you - yes, the OP who is complaining about being left out - is actually going away with one of these friends. I'd say going away together is a bit more of a commitment than an impromptu cuppa after school, myself.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. H was invited on the weekend away but declined as she is having marital issues with her DH and doesn't want to go away with him so it's not a case of me picking one over the other. I don't really know A very much and last year me, H and K all went away with our families (this was before A had arrived on the scene).
The rational part of me knows that the school bit plays a big part of it, but it still hurts to see them choose to socialise with their preschoolers without us. I've decided to go ahead this weekend with good grace but as suggested by a previous poster to then emotionally detach.

backforgood

You missed the point - being you don't base friendships in the age of your children -

No I didn't GreenTulips. For some meetups, it is a meetup of 'parents who happen to have x in common or y in common.
If I were going out with other Mums from dc1's class, even if 2 of us happened to be friends with a mutual 3rd person, if that person doesn't have dc in dc1's class, then they aren't involved in that particular meet up. It doesn't make them any more, or any less of a friend.
Same as if OP wanted to go to a meet up of 'Mums of multiples' - I wouldn't expect her to invite me along as I don't have multiples. It doesn't mean I'm any less of her friend, it's just a slightly different part of her life that doesn't involve me.

So your friends are grouped accordingly to your children and not based on whether you like them as people in their own right?

I like my friends - their children don't dictate who I go out with or meet up with -

It really isn't that difficult to follow, but I'll try and break it down once more for you GreenTulips

I have friends.

Some friends I've known since school, some from work, some from various things I've belonged to over the years. Yes, I have some friends I've met through having children too, but that seems to be confusing you so I'll leave them out for a minute.

If I threw a party - say a big birthday or something - I would invite ALL my friends.

However, if a few people who happened to now each other from work suggested going for a meal, I'd say "yes please" and go with those friends. I wouldn't say "Oh yes, and I'll bring X, my friend from my hobby too" because that wouldn't be appropriate. That particular meal is for one set of friends (from work).

Not inviting someone who doesn't have that connection with the others doing that particular meal (or drink or event or whatever the meetup is), is not a snub to my friends I went to school with or my friends to do with my hobby or whatever, it is a simple fact they are part of my 'hobby' or 'schooldays' friendship group and not my work friendship group.

Yup, even if one person from work also has previously met a friend from a hobby, they are still not part of every group or every social occasion I go to.

So, if people who are standing next to each other in the playground, waiting for school children decide to go back to one of their houses for a cuppa and to let the older children play, then that really isn't anything to do with anyone who isn't standing in the playground at that time. It's not a snub, it's just people doing a very normal thing of having different circles of friends - some of which will overlap, and some won't.

I am amazed you are struggling to understand that.

Because in this case the friends meet up with the younger DC but only exclude OP when the older children play together

There is no valid reason OP couldn't go along - but is excluded because she didn't give birth to a similar aged older child

So either they are friends or they aren't

I give up.

Completely agree with Backforgood. They aren't excluding you, it is a school gate thing. You'll likely have the same when yours start. Emotionally distancing yourself from good friends would be IMO a big over reaction and the potential loss of a good friend (or two).