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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me to get a grip!!

16 replies

Pickleypickles · 12/06/2017 14:18

Really upset atm but think I am being VU and need someone to tell me so.

I'm a single mum to Dd who is 14 wks, my parents have two houses and I live in one, they live in the other about 60 miles away. Mum works three days a week about 5 miles from where I live, some days she commutes but most weeks will stay at mine 2 nights a week to save her commuting.
I love my Dd and do everything myself, have done from day one, I try not to ask parents for help as I usually get response "she's not my child" but today this has really got to me.
Mum asked me to go asda for her and take my uncle a b day card and present round as she couldn't be arsed (her words). So I pack all our stuff walk round asda for an hour doing her shopping and visiting uncle (who I personally don't have much to do with)
Get back home and Dd'S clothes from washing machine are just dumped wet on the kitchen floor.
Ask mum to watch baby for 10 minster while I have a fag and she just ignored her screaming the house down until I had to go back in and see what was wrong, my mum wasn't even with her and said nothing was wrong-clearly something was frigging wrong!!
Went to get a bottle and had forgotten to put the steriliser on (my fault I know) but was grumbling to myself about it and mum goes "I saw you had no bottles" could she not of put it on?! They were clean literally just needed putting in the machine and switching on.
Then she was making a brew asked if I want one I said yes and gave her my mug come back and all she had done was put a teabag in a mug (no water) but had made her drink.
Then I tipped boiling water on my hand which has blistered and told I should be more careful no offer of help with screaming Dd cause she's hungry and I just tipped her milked all over my poor hand!!

I really don't want to sound ungrateful and think my head just needs a wobble but I can't help thinking she could be a but helpful?! Now I'm crying and she asked what's wrong but I don't want to say and sound horrible

Should I tell her why I'm upset? Or just give my head a wobble?

OP posts:
temporaryfiles · 12/06/2017 14:23

She sounds horrible.

Any chance you can move out, so you don't owe her anything?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 12/06/2017 14:25

Your dd isn't her dd - - - BUT YOU ARE!! And she should want to make your lives easier!!
If she isn't making your life at least a pleasant one then she needs to go home.

Babyblues14 · 12/06/2017 14:28

She seems to be a cow. Move out of her house otherwise you will be under the thumb forever, whether you pay the bills or not. She probably looks at it as if why should she do anything for you when she let's you live in her house. I used to live in my bosses house. Not with him. He would give me loads of shit jobs to do. He thought he had me exactly where he wanted me

Original poster
Pickleypickles · 12/06/2017 14:39

I am looking to move out but can't really afford to till after mat leave.
I do pay £200 pcm to live here (I know it's not even near rent) but there is no mortgage so that just pays bills really so I know they don't have to let me stay here but I don't feel like it's costing them all that much either. Again prepared to be told I iabu.

OP posts:
blue2014 · 12/06/2017 14:42

Sorry but your mum is horrible Flowers love to you. I think single parents are absolutely amazing xx

PeaFaceMcgee · 12/06/2017 14:45

She sounds like she's the "you've made your bed now lie in it" type. Is she judgemental over you having a baby and being a single mum?

All you can do is either accept that she's no help (aside from providing house), or if she's making your life harder, make a plan to leave, unless there's a chance she'll soften her thoughts.

PeaFaceMcgee · 12/06/2017 14:46

It sounds a bit like she's trying to punish you?

temporaryfiles · 12/06/2017 14:46

I would rather be skint than owe this woman anything. She seems to be doing nothing other than bringing you down.

If I were you, I'd be planning my exit from under her roof. Don't let her have you over a barrel like this

Neutrogena · 12/06/2017 14:47

If you were referring to a DH, some posters would say he is a 'CNUT'. Sounds like that might be the right word for your mother.

MatildaTheCat · 12/06/2017 14:48

She's really not that nice is she? Were you close before the baby came along and have they housed you willingly or grudgingly? If they could be getting much more rent maybe she's resentful about that.

I would disengage. Stop asking her for any help at all and be a bit busy when she needs your help. Polite but distant.

Then get yourself another home as soon as you can because this sounds pretty miserable.

statetrooperstacey · 12/06/2017 14:52

Ah sweetheart, maybe you are doing such an awesome job she she thinks you have it all covered and don't need any help?!Flowers just trying to find a positive!

She is either blind or has forgotten how much there is to actuallly do or is a bit preoccupied herself, or is a bit of a cow.
Have a chat with her when you are not upset, maybe she is trying to not tread on your toes? Can you be a bit prickly if she tries to help ( interferes!) could it be something like that?
My mum always starts to tidy my kitchen and I bollock her and tell her to sit down. It's really annoying. Then she babysat one night and when I got back the kitchen was still a shit stateGrin served me right for deagging her away from the dishwasher for monthsGrin

statetrooperstacey · 12/06/2017 14:54

Sorry forgot to say, I would be upset though if someone watched me struggle especially my own mother.
My dd brings her baby round and I bath and feed him to give her hands free time.

kissmethere · 12/06/2017 14:54

Your mum sounds spiteful and I wouldn't be doing a thing for her. She's really horrible! Time to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. I really hope you do.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/06/2017 15:02

Sorry but she sounds bloody awful. She couldn't even pour your water into a cup. That's ridiculous. I don't go for that statement. Oh she's done her bit. All GPs have. She's not the only one. Who's brought up her own kids
I had a friend who had to pay her mum to mind her dd. Im sorry but wanting paying to mind your GC.

#fuckingweirdo. She can't have thought much of her GC

NavyandWhite · 12/06/2017 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pickleypickles · 12/06/2017 15:38

Thank you for all the replies! Made me feel a lot less unreasonable.
My mum didn't want me to the have the baby that much is true but I have always lived in this house for this much rent even before baby.
She was helpful when Dd was first born so maybe she just think I should be getting onwith it now?
I think I do need to find my own place, maybe I'll have go back to work sooner but will start looking!
I am thankful for the house etc. But a dry teabag sitting all alone in the bottom of my mug before was the straw that broke the camels back I think!

OP posts:
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