Dad Giving 14yo DD alcohol.

[tinkerbellone]

My ex doesn't communicate with me at all so all messages have to go through a third party. My kids see their dad on average once a week.

They've come back from there and told me that he gives eldest cans of alcohol. She's 14.

I'm fuming. What can I do?
She told me she didn't drink much of it but he still gave her a second can. I have found out today that this is a regular occurrence.

What's regular?

It's legal, so bit sure there's anything you can do.

I'd be fuming too and have just started to think about how to avoid this exact scenario in the next couple of years. Will read any advice on here with great interest. Think I'll get in first with my ex before it's even considered. Maybe look up the health risks and discuss with your daughter. Can you send a text to your ex or discuss your concerns with the third party? In my opionion it's very inappropriate to give alchohol to youngsters.

Regular as probably every two weeks. BBQ's etc.
I don't think a little sip or a small glass is wrong at 14 but a full can & then opening her another one when she hasn't even drunk the first one.
He's a big drinker too.

I've googled it and can see it's legal but surely there are limits to what you can give a 14yo?

I think there is nothing you can do and have to accept he has as much right to make parenting decisions as you.

In your own home there's very little limit I believe.

Why don't you try another route and talk to her about responsible drinking.

Nothing wrong with a small amount of alcohol every so often. However you say, a second can is not on.

Nope, no limits. So long as she's in a private residence, she can drink whatever she's given.

Can you encourage her to say no/refuse? Or pour it away?

No he's perfectly entitled to. You may not like it, but he may not agree with some things you do.
Do what ThroughThickAndThin01 and talk to her about responsible drinking.

My family are all big social drinkers and our kids are often offered a small glass of champagne or a sip of something at family gatherings. We tend to say no - only because I have read research that suggests early teenage drinking (being exposed to booze while the brain is still developing) makes them more likely to drink heavily later in life. Also, it's hard to draw the line once you've said yes, you can have a drink.

Very difficult though. Many 14 year olds are starting to go to parties where they have access to drink.

I guess I'm more touchy about this because she has asd. Very intelligent but high social anxiety. She's vulnerable.
I don't want her to discover alcohol as a tool to 'aid' her social anxiety.