To think DH shouldn't be footballing three contact visits in a row?

[Fianceechickie]

My DH has two DCs, my DSCs a boy 10 and a girl 12. They're amazing kids and he is a great dad. DSS plays football for a local team near where he lives, 30 minutes or so from us. DH volunteered to coach years ago so he could get more contact with him. He drives over twice a week for coaching and matches which means every Saturday they're with us he misses half a day contact with DSD. The seasons now over but there's whole day tournaments today and the next two contact weekends so he'll miss half his weekend with DSD three times in a row. I don't feel this is fair on her at all and obviously she's not happy either and feels it's not fair for DSS to get all that one to one with his dad. We've had a row. I think he shouldn't do all three and get their mum to take her son to one but aibu?

Why can't DSD go with them and watch and help her dad? (Hold the whistle or something)

How on earth would that be fun for her? And what kind of message does that send? "Yes DD, of course you can spend time with me. Here hold this while I spend time having fun with your brother"

I think he should do the coaching, it's a great thing to do.

However he should make time to spend with DSD as well. Kids that age really notice things they consider unequal/unfair.

It's not just that it's unfair. He's her dad. She needs to see him, to spend time with him. It's worrying that he doesn't feel that need.

And with all due respect to stepmothers, if my children were in that position, I'd want my daughter at home with me rather than with the stepmother. And if I was the stepmother I'd want that, too!

The problem seems to be a lack of players to maintain the team. My son plays with 10-11 other boys. On tournament weekends the coach can only take 9 players so he picked at random the first week, 2nd week the players who weren't picked got to play then the rest of the team selected at random, and so on.

So if there were more players, your Dss wouldn't have to go to every tournament as there would be enough subs in the event of illness/injury/non-attendance. Could the team/club do a recruitment drive??

Either way, if DSD is not getting to spend enough time with her Dad, sooner or later she may well stop coming for contact herself, her relationship with her father will become distant and difficult.

Oops. Posted too soon.

Your dh is damaging his relationship with his dd by putting her brother's football first. If nothing else, once the season has ended and it's only friendly matches and tournaments, your dh could, and should spend more time with his daughter.

There's quite a lot of players overall. They've so many they have split several times! But there always seems to be more than enough coaches! The coaches who actually run the team show no respect for DH or his opinions about setting up matches or where they should play the boys. I get the impression he's not really needed and if he 'let them down' he's worried they'd suggest he stopped coaching. DSS is one of the better players so I think they would always want him and DH would never not want him to play.

Imperial, their mum has said stuff like that in the past but doesn't any more. I don't think she's at home maybe on some weekends she doesn't have the children so maybe wouldn't suggest that? Not sure! It's up to her I guess. Sad thing is, as I've put in another post on the step parents forum, the children miss contact because they feel unwell quite often and occasionally DSD will choose not to come either as she doesn't feel up to it or has something else planned with a friend. DH idolises her and is quite upset when she doesn't come so it's odd that he doesn't see that the football thing's an issue.

Could DH take DSS to football drop him off then do something locally with DSD on her own before picking DSS up and driving back with both of them. Then maybe alternate between drop and run and stay and coach on contact weekends so they both get 1:1?