NDN banging door repeatedly

[SparkyTheCat]

First timer on AIBU so please be nice!

Problem is with NDN - semi detached, so DH and I accept there realistically will be some noise and are fine with that. However NDN bangs the door repeatedly on leaving for work first thing, then again on returning home. Sometimes this can be 30+ times - we’ve counted - and is loud enough to wake us up.

On bumping into NDN I asked nicely was everything ok with the front door as it seemed to be sticking a lot and DH and I could often hear the banging. NDN says it’s actually a counting/security ritual due to OCD and is apologetic, which of course leaves me feeling terrible for raising the subject.

Otherwise NDN is a good neighbour and - before I get flamed - I do understand it isn’t being done deliberately to annoy - but it’s maddening nonetheless. Sometimes they bang the door so hard the whole building shakes - at 7.00 bloody AM!! Over and over again. To my shame yesterday I snapped and yelled “stop banging” knowing they would hear - normally I'd just lie there fuming in silence, but I really was at the end of my tether. AIBU to approach NDN about this again, and if so how would you approach it?

*impulsively in fear of change that should read.

@Dsawndonna it was a serious suggestion. Maybe if there is another door he can use at the other end to where their bedroom is located then it could solve the problem.

OP - it must be annoying but the OCD aspect is sensitive. I had an upstairs neighbour who used to bang his toolbox down on the ceramic floor every morning at 5am above my bedroom. I would trade to have your situation any day

AwaywiththePixies

I too have OCD so was not making light of the anxiety aspect. Changing the routine slightly could help him as the OP does seem to want to try to resolve this amicably, as does the neighbour. If things get nasty between them, his anxiety will skyrocket if he is more aware that every time he bangs the door it is annoying the neighbour. OP you are not a horrible neighbour, you can just say that you were tired and it got to you but you want to discuss how you both can deal with this situation. Suggest he reduces the number of times he has to bang the door each day ie. day 1 30 times, day 2 25 and so on. Gradually this compulsion will have less of a hold on him, which I am sure he would be glad of.

Also, the OP cannot just continue to 'lie there fuming each morning' just because someone has OCD. She also has a right to not be abruptly woken each morning, which is already affecting her mental health.

Also, the OP cannot just continue to 'lie there fuming each morning' just because someone has OCD

They don't have to. They can use earplugs. It's 7am not 4am. I leave my house at 7:30am most days. Many of my neighbours leave even earlier.

Agree with Awaywiththepixies

OP says NDN says it’s actually a counting/security ritual, so I don't think he's checking so much to see if the door is properly shut, but more that he feels he has to bang it exactly 30 times. Like someone who turns lights on and off X amount of times.

I'm sorry I've no advice for you though, OP. It's miserable for you both.

Contact a charity and ask for advice for best way to approach www.ocdaction.org.uk/ or www.ocduk.org/ or ring MIND

or maybe post on this OCD forum www.ocduk.org/support-forums

Also, the OP cannot just continue to 'lie there fuming each morning' just because someone has OCD

They don't have to. They can use earplugs. It's 7am not 4am. I leave my house at 7:30am most days. Many of my neighbours leave even earlier

What good would earplugs do if the banging makes the building shake? I feel very sorry for the OP - it isn't her fault her neighbour has OCD, it isn't her fault other posters have loud partying neighbours, and the time other people leave in the morning isn't relevant.

I leave my house at 7:30am most days. Many of my neighbours leave even earlier
Unless you're the OP's neighbour that's irrelevant. They clearly DON'T need to be up at that time therefore are rightly distressed at being woken.

Cupcake1315, it was me that referred to it as a mental health issue. If it's affecting you to the extent you've described, please do seek help.

I know a lot of people think of OCD as a mild thing, but I have a friend who has been hospitalised because of how debilitating her OCD is. Like every illness, the extent to how it affects you will vary, but it sounds like yours is having a significant impact on you. You deserve to be free of anxiety.

Unless you're the OP's neighbour that's irrelevant.

It isn't given the OP said the neighbour does it at 7am. No I'm not the neighbour, I've already said in my earlier posts that I dont bang the door loudly 30times. I do check it's locked a certain number of times though (not excessive number). It's a mental health condition, I wish I didn't have it any more than other people do. I'm also missing a certain part of an anatomy to be the OPs neighbour given they've already said its a male.

They clearly DON'T need to be up at that time therefore are rightly distressed at being woken.

I don't need to be woken at 4am every day. But I'm not about to go and have a word with the bloke setting off for work if he can be a bit quiter when setting off so I can have another hours kip.

OP if he's doing it that excessively. His mental health at the minute clearly isn't stable.
Maman79 has the best advice. I'd ask on the forum to see if they know the best way to approach this kind of thing.

I would find this terrifying, and DH would wake up rather cross. That isn't easy to gloss over in the medium/long term.

Still, I would take pains to be understanding about it, if you sincerely treat his needs as important when you speak to him, and explain yours, and ask what you can both do about it that leaves you both happy, then you might find he does the same in return.

away

That's your choice. I have thyroid issues - even when my meds are right and I am in a good period, losing an hour plus of sleep per day would finish me off: I simply couldn't cope so I would have to have to word and ask whoever was making a noise to be quieter

I hate that these threads become competitive misery - oh you're lucky as my neighbour wakes me at 1am

Well - then you understand don't you?

It's completely unacceptable.

Beefarseer- thanks for your message. Not trying to hijack this thread. I don't think I'm at the stage where I can see someone, I feel it's all under control. To the outside it may seem weird but as I grew up with it, it's my normal. But if it was affecting someone like a neighbour then I would seek help.

Sleep is precious to everyone, banging doors is not on. Maybe it's the sound that they find comforting and that's the problem. Hope this is resolved soon.

Just do the Conor McGregor loose arms walk over and knock them out.

That's just ludicrous. If someone's banging loud every morning. Then they need serious help because they don't give a shit about people trying to sleep. Wouldn't be surprised if some of that is just them being a cock.

Yanbu.

It's totally anti social to inflict these behaviours on you.

Mental health shouldn't be used as a reason to treat others badly - indefinitely.

Ask him what he's doing about it because its affecting your mental health.

And wtf, do people join a thread to say they have a worse problem so you should suck it up?

Zombie thread

OP, say you’ve got autism and the sensory overload is making you ill. Fight fire with fire.