...to wonder what people expect to achieve when they tell you to "chill out"

[Decaffstilltastesweird]

I've rejoined for this as I had a strange whatsapp chat with a friend earlier which I'd like other opinions on.

Two of my friends, let's call them Louise and Sarah, had a play date on Friday. I wasn't there.

So Louise messaged me this morning and, to cut a long story short, started bitching about Sarah. I didn't really respond at first, as I didn't really know why she was bitching to me about a mutual friend. It was to do with something at the play date. After a few long messages with no response from me, (I didn't really know what to say), Louise asked me if I was still there. I said I was. Louise then said did I not have anything to say about Sarah. I said no, not really, that they are both my friends and I wouldn't talk about either of them behind their backs.

Louise then sent this:

"Wow, chill out! Omg you're being a bit dramatic, but whatever"

I haven't responded, but my question is, what did she hope to achieve by telling me to chill out? Does being told to chill out / calm down / stop being so dramatic, ever actually result in someone chilling out? I think probably not. AIBU?

People saying chill out in that context usually use it as a means of goading someone. It's similar to telling an angry person to calm down.

I'd ignore her. I don't even know what she was trying to get out of the situation, especially if you wasn't there.

People are strange.

She got caught out and reacted angrily as she feels judged. She was in the wrong though. You now know how she is when you're not around .

Most 13 year olds would have more maturity than to send a message like that. Louise sounds like she's a bit of a dick.

She is reacting badly because she knows she has embarrassed herself and is trying to deflect it onto you. Just ignore.

You now know how she is when you're not around .

Yes! This is exactly what I thought. Wonder what she says about me. Pfft.

Thanks all. Was worried iwbu.

The only thing you can expect to achieve from saying "chill out" is to communicate I don't care about the thing you are stressed about.

Nobody has ever chilled out by being told to chill out.

She's suggesting the fault is with you, not her, trying to make you think you overreacted or misinterpreted her messages.

So she's trying to do two things - stop you from judging her as being bitchy, and stop you from telling the mutual friend what was said.

Not nice behaviour at all.

Nobody ever in the history of the world has calmed down as a result of being told to calm down by someone pissing them off

In this case, you didn't even sound unchilled.

I didn't think I sounded unchilled either trix. I was trying not to respond ffs. Obviously I realise I sound a lot less chilled now...

Sounds like she was the dramatic one lol

trills not trix sorry.

She's throwing up dust to cover up her bitchiness. A small attack on you in an annoying snidely passive aggressive kinda way is enough to switch focus from her desire to rip apart your mutual friend.

And look, it works! Now you're thinking about her childish 'woah there loosen up man' comments when actually thebigger point here is her attempt to prod you into bitch session.

She's trying to make you feel in the wrong for rejecting her bitchiness, by the school yard whining about you being too 'uptight'. That tends to work better when you're 13yrs old and being forced to sink or swim in the Petri dish / prison of school! But it still can sting a bit.

Probably not worth engaging with, but if you really want to reply I'd feign confusion about what she means, to get her to either shut up and change the subject or dig herself into a hole trying to explain why you being relaxed has anything to do with her being mean. Probably best not to engage though!

It means, 'stop disapproving of me', and 'I'm going to try to make it your problem, not mine'.

In this case, I think you were quite justified, OP!

Thanks all. I still haven't responded and probably won't talk about it again with her.

Don't worry about it. She'll be on WhatsApp right now but hing about you to Sarah, trying to get in there first in case you "tell".

I'm not sure I'd want much to do with her tbh.

I know, I don't doubt it for a second Scarlett! Sigh. And here I thought 'mean girls' were meant to be teenagers.

I don't think some people ever grow out of that stage Decaff.