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To feel sil let's her children treat dd like a rag doll

14 replies

Bam16 · 11/06/2017 00:03

I have one dd who is just over 1. And I feel like my sil lets her children treat dd like a rag doll. She has two girls 7 and 8 who always pick my dd daughter up even though they clearly aren't tall enough to walk and hold her (dd is nearly 2 stone and likes to try to wriggle away when she's been picked up) sil thinks it's cute and let's them walk around her house with dd. They live in a huge house with a lot of steep stairs and I'm really worried she would let them carry dd up the stairs. I've told dh to mention to her that we don't want the children carrying dd around the house (we don't mind them sitting on a sofa holding her or with close adult supervision obviously). But he says he can't find the right opportunity to bring it up. (His sister likes to storm off in a huff). He also hates confrontation so he might be avoiding it.... I don't think it should be a confrontation. I have a horrible feeling one of them will slip on the stairs and drop dd. Aibu to be worrying? Am I being a silly over protective ftm? I don't want to make a big deal out of something small but it's giving me anxiety. Would it be unreasonable for me to just plain tell her I don't want the kids carrying my child around. Tia

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/06/2017 00:08

If your dh won't tell her, you have to. Either that or refuse to leave her unsupervised with your nieces.

lifetothefull · 11/06/2017 00:08

Are you there at the time? Can you tell your nieces yourself?

Ratatatouille · 11/06/2017 00:10

Never mind SIL, you shouldn't allow them to carry her up the stairs! She's your baby, you have to take responsibility. If SIL gets huffy then it's just tough.

I would just take charge of the situation. Next time they try and pick her up say "I think DD is OK where she is just now. Could you put her back down please so she can carry on playing with her toy?" Or "Oh that's nice that you want a cuddle with DD. Could you come and sit up here in the sofa and I will pass her to you. She's too big and wriggly to be carried around and it would be a shame if anyone got hurt when you're all having a nice time".

It really doesn't need to be a big drama. I think asking DH to talk to her just makes it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

QueenofEsgaroth · 11/06/2017 00:15

Don't leave her unsupervised, tell your nieces nicely yourself until they get it.

Bam16 · 11/06/2017 00:26

Thank you all for responding. Sometimes I think I overreact to things and I worry about being an overly worrying mother. And being ridiculous. I do tell the girls. Over and over again right in front of sil and she never says anything to them which is why I'm getting frustrated and anxious about it. But the pp poster is right i am just going to have to mention it next time it happens directly to her I think. And if she gets huffy so be it. I'd never forgive myself if they dropped dd.

OP posts:
QueenofEsgaroth · 11/06/2017 00:31

No fuss just physically be there and get between them if need be, they ignore and go to pick up dd, you intervene, move hands away and distract, change subject - rinse and repeat. Calm and firm.

Applesandpears23 · 11/06/2017 00:32

Don't allow them to ignore you at the time. Pick up your daughter before this happens. Make sure you are close enough to her to protect her. Tell the girls nicely what isn't allowed and suggest something that is okay. "Please don't pick her up, you can pass her a toy/read her a book/sing her a song instead. "

Madbum · 11/06/2017 00:39

If SIL storms off don't pander to it, pretend it's not happened and carry on what you're doing. Giving attention to bratty behaviour just enables more bratty behaviour. She needs to grow up ffs.

ScarlettFreestone · 11/06/2017 00:40

Sorry, I'm going to be a little harsh.

This isn't SIL letting them. It's you.

Rather than just "say" do.

Take your child of their arms if they are lifting her inappropriately. Remove your child immediately if they are going near stairs.

This isn't about not wanting to be rude.
This isn't about wanting to avoid an argument with your SIL.
This is about protecting your DD from harm.

Protecting her is your job. It's far, far more important than social niceties.

Justdontgetitatall · 11/06/2017 00:53

Queenof I totally disagree. These kids need to be told that it's not ok to pick her op, not just have there hands moved away each time. They'll not get the message like that! They'll just do it next time the op isn't there and SIL is babysitting

ScarlettFreestone · 11/06/2017 00:56

Just I would assume from the OP that the SIL doesn't get to babysit.

Colacolaaddict · 11/06/2017 01:21

Tell them nicely but firmly. Instigate a new rule, no carrying DD. Sitting on a lap on a sofa isn't carrying.

I think you are possibly worrying more than you need to - I think a sensible 7 or 8 year old with a 1 year old sibling would generally be trusted to pick them up, and there seems to be no evidence that they've attempted to carry her up or down the many steep stairs. Your child, your rules, but you need to instigate them. Crazy to expect DH to tell SIL to tell a seven year old what they may and may not do with the baby. SIL may even be taking your relative lack of action as indication that you are happy with it, and taking her lead from you so to speak.

You could also let them see how DD climbs or walks up and down stairs by herself, and show how you stay a step or two below in case she falls.

BandeauSally · 11/06/2017 01:32

Agree with others, you are letting them do it! Every time they try you need to walk over and remove your child from them.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/06/2017 01:58

This is one of those situations where a biting phase would come in handy.

Adults can trip while holding a child, I did once with DD and ended up really hurting myself as I twisted so I wouldnt land on her or drop her. A child would instinctively save themselves, which is natural but not great if they are carrying a small child.

Your DH needs to put his big boy pants on stand up to his sisters tantrums, and in the meantime I agree that you need to say something and fuck her attitude.

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