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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get frustrated with DB?

16 replies

Tippitoesandbuttonnose · 10/06/2017 23:08

Okay so I want to start off by saying I am 100% aware she's not my child but..

A bit of back ground- my brother is 18 and had his first child when he was 17, his girlfriend at the time is 15. They are no longer together but get on well enough to work out she spends time evenly at her parents house and my parents house(he still lives at home). He works full time so all genuine income for the baby from work comes from him. She's in school and her mother doesn't work. I moved out when I heard my neice was coming to make room therefore I stay over at parents house is my neice is to make sure I get to see her.

There has been a week during the past month social workers we're asked to be involved to support baby's mum as she's only 15 and my brother to help them work out how to communicate who has the baby.

Because my brother works the baby is not always at our house say 3/4 days and some weeks it could be 1/2 days. My brother, parents my self and other sibling as well as grandmother all try to squeeze in seeing the baby into this time.

I get that it must be stressful for my brother that his situation is like this, he adored his DD but as he is the only one working he has to take shifts where he can. My problem is he gets SO MOODY when anyone asks when the next time the baby is coming to stay. I know it's not all about me but as i don't live there permanently (moving out didn't work out so I stay on friends sofas/boyfriends occasionally and now unemployed) I have to sort money out to travel to parents house to see the baby and it frustrates me that he sometimes refuses to say when she is coming and I often miss seeing her because he says something like 'it's my baby not yours stay out of it'. I don't always stay when the baby comes as I know he needs time to bond on his own but the rest of my family live there so they see her.

AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
Tippitoesandbuttonnose · 10/06/2017 23:09

Posted too early!!
AIBU to get frustrated at my brother for being moody at his family over his DD when he is the one who had the baby young so she HAS to live with us. We all have a closer bond to her because of this and I feel like he does not like any one seeing her and makes it difficult to do so.

OP posts:
Whosthemummynow · 10/06/2017 23:15

"Hey bro!! How you doing? Would be lovely to come and see YOU!"

Original poster
Tippitoesandbuttonnose · 10/06/2017 23:16

We go out often when baby's not there, shopping and food etc so I don't think he's feeling I don't want to see him and just the baby.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 23:17

Because my brother works the baby is not always at our house say 3/4 days and some weeks it could be 1/2 days. My brother, parents my self and other sibling as well as grandmother all try to squeeze in seeing the baby into this time.

No wonder he's getting frustrated. The baby isn't a source of family entertainment, she's his child. I'd be feeling pressured by everyone trying to muscle in on my time with her.

I think you should back off a bit. It's lovely that you want to be lose to your niece but she's just that-your niece not your daughter.

Original poster
Tippitoesandbuttonnose · 10/06/2017 23:19

PurpleDaisies
I know what you mean but sometimes I don't go and stay because I'm conscious he might want time with her. Because the rest of the family live there and see her automatically and don't have to ask I feel like he takes it out on me for asking because I'm the only one who has to.

OP posts:
Lochan · 10/06/2017 23:21

I know you mean well and it comes from a place of love but the child isn't a doll.

She's not there to be dressed up and passed around. I can imagine that it's very easy for an 18 yo man to get pushed out when there are three older women vying for time with the baby.

Does he ever get a chance just to have the weekend in his own with his daughter?

Lochan · 10/06/2017 23:22

Why don't you invite him to come and stay at your house with the baby occasionally?

Original poster
Tippitoesandbuttonnose · 10/06/2017 23:25

Lochan
Stated before I'm homeless and unemployed.

OP posts:
Lochan · 10/06/2017 23:27

Apologies Tip I missed that line.

Perhaps ask your Mum, she must know when the child is coming.

coolaschmoola · 10/06/2017 23:29

You ALL need to back off...

PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 23:30

Because the rest of the family live there and see her automatically and don't have to ask I feel like he takes it out on me for asking because I'm the only one who has to.

It sounds like the rest of your family need to take a step back as well.

stitchglitched · 10/06/2017 23:32

Was the photo you posted on another thread your niece, or your own child? If it was your niece I'm thinking you seriously need to back off.

laurzj82 · 10/06/2017 23:35

Sorry I also think YABU. I can understand the frustration as being homeless and jobless is not fun and you want to save the little money you have to travel when the baby is there. However, in the kindness possible way, you are not her parent and you need to back off a bit. There will be plenty of opportunities for you to bond with your niece as she grows up. But she is a tiny human and not a doll. Honestly when you are a first time parent, even without all the added stresses that you have mentioned there is nothing more infuriating than well intentioned friends and relatives clambering over each other to get to the baby.

It is lovely that you want to build a close relationship with her and if you back off a tiny bit your brother and will probably appreciate it all the more

KC225 · 10/06/2017 23:38

You sound like a very caring Aunty, but maybe as she is so young and the routine is still a little up in the air perhaps you could see her every other visit. Twice a month for visits plus your Mother could keep you updated with a few texts.

Perhaps he finds it a little overwhelming, all those people plus social services and a Father at 18 - I couldn't imagine the pressure.

Lochan · 10/06/2017 23:49

Is Stitch correct?

Did you post a picture of someone else's baby on the internet? Shock

That's really not OK.

twattymctwatterson · 11/06/2017 00:07

You really need to focus on getting the housing and job situation thing sorted for yourself and let your brother parent. He's obviously reacting to feeling pushed out

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