Spending pocket money

[eternalnamechange]

I've opened a bank account for DS12 and the plan is i will put £40 a month in, and that will be his pocket money, starting on pay day at the end of this month. I put £25 in it at the start of this week since we're part way through the month and he's already had money for this and that since last pay day.

He's just texted me from his dads asking if he can spend £20 on something for part of an Xbox game. He already has the game, but wants to buy points to make it better.

I said no. Reason being I want him to save money to spend during the holidays, and I think it's a waste.

Of course, he's saying I told him it's money to manage, etc. But i think letting him blow the very first instalment gets him off to a bad start. If he already had other money saved, then fair enough. Obviously he'll get the next instalment in a couple of weeks, but I don't want him getting in the habit of blowing it as soon as he gets it.

I could have said yes, then it comes to the holidays and I have to follow through with the hard lesson, but then it's me who has to look at his miserable little face when he has managed his money well enough to do things with his pals.

So AIBU?

I would also look at paying him weekly and maybe build up to fortnightly and monthly. There are some adults who struggle to budget monthly so it's a big ask for a 12 year old

Presumably op can afford the amount she is giving him and has decided she thinks it's a reasonable amount. £9.23 a week doesn't seem like an excessive amount to me so different strokes for different folks.

Op I think to a certain extent you can't tell him what to spend it on but you can ask him what he will do when he has no money for other things and ask him if he wouldn't rather save half of the amount this month and half next month.

I think £40 is too much if he's never had a bank account before. My DS gets £10 a month and if he wants a new Xbox game he saves for a couple of months. With £40 a money he'll never learn to save because he'll always have enough for what he wants.
My DS was blowing money on lunch everyday since he went to high school so now I give him fiver a week and he has to get his lunch with that and can keep what's left. He's gone from buying overpriced pop and energy bars in canteen to wanting me to take him to Aldi!

It's either his money to buy what he wants or it isn't
I like the idea of only giving half as pocket money and setting the other half aside as a holiday fund though.

My parents controlled how I spend, ie sweets only once a week and I resented them a lot

I don't think £10 a week is a huge amount for an almost teenager. That would barely cover the cost of a cinema ticket and a bus fare into town in most places - in London it probably would barely cover the cinema!

I think it's his money, he can spend it on what he wants. If that's points or an add-on for a game, then that's his choice at the end of the day. He'll learn.

But I would recommend giving him £10/week instead of doing it monthly - it's a long time to stretch money out if you've never had to save or budget before.

If you want him to LEARN to manage his money I would let him buy the game. Blowing your money on one item and having to go without for the rest of the month is part of that lesson.

I think you probably need to let him make the mistake of spending it all in one go, so he learns about budgeting. But that means you can't give in when they run out. That bit can be hard but is essential for the learning process.

Dd is a little older and has a monthly allowance. This is for non essential/necessity items - yes, we have many a conversation regarding what constitutes essential clothing ;) she gets to choose what she spends it in but she is really good at make decision about saving more to have in school holidays, and ensuring she has money to cover gifts for family and friends at Christmas/birthdays. But she did need to learn this to an extent.

I think that it depends how important it is for you that he has holiday money to spend. For me it is an essential part of my childcare strategy for my 12yr old. I work flexibly so can be here to wave her off to the pool to meet her friends with a tenner for a swim and a sandwich. I couldn't work with her hanging around saying 'but what can I dooooooo?' all day. For ME her holiday spending money is too important to entrust to her to save at the moment. She has ten pounds a month to spend on whatever she wants and I mainly pay for holiday activities, she has saved quite a bit so sometimes she volunteers to pay.

If your son's friends mainly just hangout on their bikes all day with a once a week cinema trip and you are happy for him to learn more about budgeting then fine. What you need to avoid though is being in the position where you crack and give him more holiday money after the first week of summer because then he just learns that you are a bottomless pit of money.

He has to learn to make his own decisions. But that can only happen if he knows you won't constantly bail him out. So you have to stand firm and not give top ups.

Don't say no. It's his money and he gets to choose. But you can give advice, especially since he asked. Remind him that he'll need more money over the summer and that you won't be giving him extra to go and do things with his friends. And then, in the summer, don't give him extra when he wants to go and do things with his friends.

He won't learn unless you let him. And telling him what he can and can't do isn't letting him learn.

I don't think you can day I'm giving you this but I still decide what you spend it on. You might as well not give it him. If you want him to save I'd say there's 40 but I'd like you to put a set amount away for your holiday then do what you wish with the rest. Learns to save gets his own money. Win win.

IT depends on whether he was asking for advice or permission.

If he's asking for permission then I don't think either of you fully understand the, I believe generally accepted, point of pocket money. It's a stepping stone for learning about the value of money, the worth of goods and how to budget. So, I would say you shouldn't be saying no.

If he's asking for advice then I would explain that if he chooses to spend his money on the game then he has to accept that he may not have money in the holidays. And that he's not to ask for any from you or, at the very least, to expect the answer no.

It's down to you to stand firm if you really want him to learn to budget. If he misses out on doing stuff with his mates then so be it. That's all part of the learning curve. If you 'give in' then you won't have taught him anything but that you will bail him out.

Ds(13) has a couple of hundred quid in his bank account from xmas, birthday and pocket money, he has a debit card and Apple Pay and he is allowed to spend as he pleases within reason.

Exclusions so far are online gems/FIFA points, paying for all his pals (he did this a couple of times before we stopped him and had to explain why you don't spend £40 on pizza for your pals when they have their own money), and too much sugary crap. If these were allowed he would have blown it all by now. Even by excluding these he has learned as we remind him how he still has money left to do other things (needs to keep money for going out, Fifa18 when released for example). We will give him free rein but only once he has grasped some basics.

I think you gave good advice. However, can't stop him if he wants to do what he wants and he would just have to learn his lesson. But YANBU to ice him your advice.

£10 a week wouldn't even get me trip to the cinema here. That's not excessive at all! At 12 I'd expect him to want to start going to football matches/concerts/day festivals etc. They are a lot more than £10.

I think a month is too long for a 12year old. Maybe try a fortnightly £20?

Also you DS totally missed a trick as £10 a week is more than £40 a month over the year so make him spend this months on a maths tutor!

I did give him the option of weekly or monthly. He chose monthly. But maybe we should talk about that again.

Was it £10 a week? Either you're diddling him or he's diddled himself out of £40 a year if so.

(12x40 = 480. 52x10 = 520).

I think £40 / month is massive for a 12 yo unless they have specific things to buy (eg clothes). Ours gets £15.

I would rethink and maybe say £20 spends and £20 'savings' and he has to ask your permission to withdraw from the savings account. So it is still his money but he can't fritter it, but could for e.g. save for a new X box or phone, or designer trainers.

What are you expecting him to spend his £40 on? As others have said if it's on weekly trips swimming and to the cinema it won't go very far, but if he doesn't do these types of activities, then it's an awful lot to be spending on teenage rubbish.

I have a 13 year old and he just "hangs out" with his friends round their houses or the park/woods - they're not interested in going out to places yet - there's no way I'd give him so much money as it would just be blown on games/sweets/other mindless things.

Thanks for the replies. I don't think £10 a week is excessive. During the holidays, they tend to go the cinema at least once a fortnight, and they'll go to the lazer tag arena a few times. As someone said, he occasionally goes to watch the local football team. Swimming is free for kids in our area, but they like to go and get a milkshake and cake afterward. He's had a six month magazine subscription which is just ending. If he still wants the magazine, he knows he needs to buy it himself now. I've told him he'll need to save towards new football boots from now on. So it all adds up. And let's not forget FIFA 18 will be out in September He also gets pocket money at his dads, £25 I think, but he's with me more.

I'm going to have a chat with him when he gets back. Some good ideas to discuss. I've always thought the FIFA points thing is a rip off, so that definitely influenced my decision!

I don't think £10 a week is excessive.

£40 per month isn't £10 a week. It's just over £9. If you're wanting him to learn to be responsible with money getting the basic maths right is quite a good start.

Pat yourself on the back Titty. If you want to get your knickers in a twist over 77p, that's your prerogative. I can't be arsed.

I think it's a bit pathetic to say you won't be able to refuse him the money in the summer if he runs out.
Come on, you're a grown woman, you're a parent.
You expect him to exercise restraint, yet you say you won't be able to restrain yourself against his poor little sad left out face?!!

Let him spend it on what he likes, and let him learn the lessons. By all means guide him - ask him how much is left, what he's bought - go through the budget with him in the first few weeks. If he's going to be short for summer, it's fine to remind him.

I think it could be a problem though that he gets £25 from him his dad - and actually you don't even know the amount! I dread this aspect of divorce. My 8yo has made a good start at budgeting choices with her debit card and app. But I know that her dad is going to just chuck money at her. I'm hoping to instil a savings ethic before he ruins it.

Your son isn't going to go short over summer - he can spend the £25 from his dad.

I do think though that £65 a month is too much. There are lots of adults on MN who don't have that as pure discretionary spends. It's not about what you can afford, IMO, but what helps them to budget. If £65 is enough for him to do anything he wants then he's not going to learn about saving, or about something not being good value for money.

My 8yo would say £20 on in game purchases was a lot, because she knows that is 2 months of month. For your son, he could spend it and still have 2/3 of his money left. I think it could actually encourage him to splash the cash, having too much.

£40 per month isn't £10 a week. It's just over £9. If you're wanting him to learn to be responsible with money getting the basic maths right is quite a good start.

My boss is going to be thrilled when I tell them tomorrow that we can start paying the 1000 staff 4/52ths per month rather than 1/12ths. That's 7.5% off the wages bill without losing anyone. Thanks for the idea.