House rules for 18 yo?

[princeporter]

Please can someone settle this debate about who is BU? Do your 18+ kids who still live at home have house rules? DS can't start an access course until he is 19, the extended diploma doesn't offer what he wants so can't start that this year. He is going to take a year off and start it when he's 19. I've said fine but you can't lay in bed all day. I've said that if he will be doing nothing, he can absolutely share housework with me. DH does 6 days a week working and the school run for younger DC on his way to work and I'm only part time so more than happy to do the housework.

I've always been fair to DS, he just needs to makes sure his washing is in wash bin and it'll all be done, being plates to kitchen, etc. if kept tidy, I'll Hoover. Due to him being so busy with his A Levels. However, if he's at home full time for a year, he can have those rules can't he? That we split a lot of the housework?? He has a very small business (artwork) and doesn't take much in that often and if he does, not too much. He won't get a job because he says he will keep doing his art until then but the reality is, it isn't selling amazingly well.

AIBU?

YANBU. The rule for me at that age (well actually a bit younger - I had left home by then!) was - 'if you live in this house, you live under my rules! Otherwise, feel free to move out!' He's 19, not 9!!! (Sorry DC - but your not a DC, you r an adult!!)

Sorry meant '18 not 8' lot '19 not 9'!!

Why would he need to do an access course if he is currently doing A Levels?

Why won't he get a job?! How does he expect to get a job once he finishes studying with no work experience and a cba attitude?

@TeenagersandFurbabies they are not in the subjects he needs for the uni course.

He needs to get a job!

Sorry, he needs to get a part time job. Bar work of an evening? He can do his art work during the day.

He needs to get a job. He can count it as a gap year and work,for nine months to fund three months travelling or festivals but he must get a job. He'll end up with depression otherwise.
Stop all funding until he does.
No use of car without paying.
Charge rent/housekeeping and give him set jobs.
Don't do his laundry.

Ours are still expected to follow house rules when they are staying. It loosens as the get older/more mature and we don't ask for housekeeping because they are all at university or working. We do expect help with meals/laundry/beds and we expect to be bought a drink if we go out and pay for the meal nor flowers if I've cooked all weekend. University student children are expected to work in summer at least part of time and then we'll fund the travels (language degree, so study related).

I didn't finish high school until I was nearly 19 and I have a visual impairment and other needs, so jobs that people my age were doing were totally inaccessible to me. I did manage to get a job for one day as an interpreter for a couple from El Salvador who owned a waterpark at an amusement park conference in Orlando, which I absolutely loved and I'm still very grateful to them for doing this.

Anyway, when I was at home. I was expected to make my bed And do as much as I could do at the time. I wasn't very useful in the kitchen, but our house did have an oven so I learned to make chicken nuggets biscuits and other things that were very simple to do.

I was living on my own from age 20, which is where I learned a lot of new things.

Even if your son isn't in employment, life skills are still really important and you can help him to help himself by learning to cook and other things that he might need later on.

Mine is a little bit younger, but it's a given that turning 18 will not make any difference whatsoever. My house my rules! They have a pretty good life to be fair, and they know it.

I agree with above: they need to do something. Ideally education.

You were very kind with him, studying doesn't prevent you from doing basic housework. Most university students kind of survive like civilised human being even during exams!

Personally I disagree with wasting a year at home, what a shame. I would even be ok if my kids go travelling, but they are not slobbing around. Alternatively, of course he should work, at least part-time. It's a good lesson to realise the difference between your "dream job" and the one that pays the bills. It might even motivate him more to push the sell of his artwork properly.

I would expect an adult to get a job AND contribute to the housework. I he lived on his own he would be cleaning his bathroom, putting bins out, hoovering etc. Why shouldn't he contribute properly in his parents' home?

Does he have friends? Any sort of social life?

He needs funds for that. Or for saving for Uni.

He needs to get a job (which will hold him in good stead) and yes, he must help at home.

If you are not overly concerned about his financial or practical contribution to the house I would prioritise finding work. Mental health in young men is a real concern and I would say his plans for the year are far from ideal. Maybe the compromise would be that he finds work that provides him with experience possibly at low or no pay if that is going to help with his future plans or at the very least provide him with some interest out of the house.

We've been in similar situation over last few years as dd has had to audition repeatedly to get into drama school. We made it clear from the very out. set that if she was to live at home she would have to find work and pay rent. We explained that we were prepared to keep that rent very small on the understanding that she would also be saving up for her living expenses at drama school.

We also told her she would have to buy and cook one meal a week for the family.

As dd struggle with physical and mental health, we have been willing to go lightly on the chores but she does laundry and washing up on a regular basis; under normal circumstances we would expect her to do more.

To be frank, I enjoy cooking myself, don't care if the house is a dump, and we can afford to live without dd's contributions. But that's not the point. It was about her mental health, as SuperDiaper mentions. It is bad for you to have nothing to do for a whole year. And it looks absolutely dreadful on your CV. And gives you nothing to talk about in interview.