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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DD to board?

23 replies

WhyMustI · 09/06/2017 21:08

DD is a day student at a school where 3/4 of the pupils board. She's got a really close friend group, there's 5 of them, and she's the only one that doesn't board, and for the past few months she's been feeling like she's been missing out a lot after she comes home. Today she asked me if she could start boarding after the summer.

My gut reaction is to say no, I don't think she's ready to go yet. It also seems so unnecessary, we live less than a 15 minute drive away. But, she's clearly been thinking about this a lot, and her dad has already said yes, but then said its up to me. I've told her I'll think about it.

Her dad thinks I'm being utterly ridiculous, since she actually wants to go, and DH hasn't said much about it, which means he agrees. But it just feels wrong to send my child away .

WIBU to say no even though she really wants to go?

OP posts:

Dawnedlightly · 09/06/2017 21:09

How old is she?!

Original poster

WhyMustI · 09/06/2017 21:11

She's 14, sorry, thought I'd said

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 09/06/2017 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RenaissanceBunny · 09/06/2017 21:13

Her age and personality is important in this. Has she done any boarding before? If not perhaps in the autumn term you could compromise with her boarding 1/2 nights a week perhaps after an activity (of course many schools don't have this option). It would let her experience the reality of it without needing to commit to a whole week.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 09/06/2017 21:13

How old is she? Is flexi boarding an option? Is she hoping to full board or weekly?I think you need to reframe it a little. If your daughter is desperate to go you are hardly sending her away! To be honest I see her point of view, I think it's really hard to be in the minority and feel that you are missing out. At this point I should say that I work in a boarding school and therefore do have a bit of insight into this.

caffeinestream · 09/06/2017 21:14

Could she flexi board?

Sleepyhead456 · 09/06/2017 21:15

Could you do part board, I've herd off a boarding school that does this.

gillybeanz · 09/06/2017 21:15

I can sympathise OP, my dd started boarding at 11.
There is no way I'd stop her and she would just have managed being a day pupil with the distance, transport etc.
They do miss out by not boarding, but I know how hard it is.
Mine has a rare weekend off so going to spend time with her, but will come back later.
You can pm me if you like.

Dawnedlightly · 09/06/2017 21:16

Hmmmm. I'm not a big boarding fan, but that's a good age. Is she generally resilient? And who would that leave you with at home?!

Original poster

WhyMustI · 09/06/2017 21:21

She could do flexi boarding, which is 3 days a week, but only if the school hasn't filled all the rooms with full boarders. Her friends all do full board, but they are here almost every weekend.

OP posts:

Original poster

WhyMustI · 09/06/2017 21:22

She's pretty resilient generally, her dad lives in another country, and she goes to visit him for no less than a week at a time, and has done since she was little. But then, it is to see her dad, so very different. I'd be at home with DH and my younger DDs.

OP posts:

wickerlampshade · 09/06/2017 21:25

Can you afford it?

Original poster

WhyMustI · 09/06/2017 21:27

Her dad would be paying for it. Since he said yes, I'm assuming he can.

OP posts:

AtleastitsnotMonday · 09/06/2017 21:27

Contact the school and ask them if they are likely to be able to accommodate her as a flexi in September, they will probably have a fairly good idea of numbers for September by now. If they can I would suggest a term as a flexi to be reviewed at Christmas.

Whatsername17 · 09/06/2017 21:30

I couldn't stand it. I don't know what the answer is in your case. I feel for you as it must be really difficult. I just know as a mum I couldn't bare it.

RhiWrites · 09/06/2017 21:35

My aunt boarded and loved it and I sometimes thought I'd have liked to give it a go. She can change her mind later on.

RandomMess · 09/06/2017 21:38

I'd let her do it, she may change her mind and want to do flexi. She's getting older, her friendships are becoming more important to her and you guys probably cramp her style...

kmc1111 · 09/06/2017 21:40

At 14 she's more than old enough to be able to make this choice. And given you live so close, if she doesn't end up liking it it's no big deal, she can just go back to being a day student.

You do miss out on loads if all your friends board.

fuckwitery · 09/06/2017 21:43

I boarded In a school that was 75% boarding. Wouldn't have wanted to be a day girl. So I get here your DD is coming from.

If she really wants to and the funds are there why not do a trial term? You and she can always change your minds.

bridgetreilly · 09/06/2017 22:49

If she's 14 and she wants to do it, then I think you are being a bit unreasonable not to let her, tbh. She's old enough to know her own mind. So you're not 'sending her away', you're 'letting her go'. Which is a good thing. She'll grow in confidence and independence. She'll enjoy spending more time with her friends. She'll probably also enjoy time at home with you more as well.

NaughtyRed82 · 10/06/2017 06:03

I'd check with her dad first and make sure that he's willing to cover the cost and hasn't said yes presuming that you'll be paying for it seeing as she lives with you........
If she's asking to go there and do same as her friends then no harm in letting her try, should ask about the flexi boarding and see how she gets on as she might resent not being given the chance to try otherwise

welshweasel · 10/06/2017 06:34

I think you should let her. The day pupils at my school did miss out on stuff and a number of them started boarding for similar reasons as we moved up the school. One of my friends who had been a boarder since age 9 (military family) opted to continue even when her family moved within a 5 minute walk of the school!

milliemolliemou · 10/06/2017 16:39

Let her board. That's what she wants and her father can afford it. She can trial it with weekly boarding and get all the extras staying after school gives without running for the bus when games/music go in to overtime.

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