AIBU to ask for some help please - my patience has gone !

[ScreaminginSilence]

DD1 is 6, almost 7 , and has Aspergers with sensory issues .

Her behaviour has me on my knees . I know a lot of it she can't help but I'm really finding no joy from parenting right now

Dd2 is 4 and is copying some of her sisters behaviour and pushing boundaries as dd1 takes up most of my time .

The main problems at the minute (not all related to ASD):

Constant back chat and eye rolling at the most simple of requests - this is getting on my last nerve !

Ignoring me when asked to do something - eg , put on your shoes .

Lashing out / angry outbursts over minor things (this is ASD)

The need for every minute detail to be "fair" if it's not it's constant arguing and explaining as to why it can't possibly be corrected / fair (ASD) - this is so exhausting .

Having to be repeatedly told to stop doing things - eg - take your feet off the wall (and repeat ) . They both ignore .

Speaking rudely to me and telling siblings to shut up .

Bedtime is a disaster and my temper is frayed every night .

And the constant ducking fighting !

I use 123 magic and confiscate things , bring them inside , send them to their rooms but with dd1 this has little effect .

I really don't think she grasps how bloody rude she is being .

They both have tablets which are removed due to bad behaviour but I feel I'm constantly removing them !

I've spent all afternoon making a star chart each for them to begin this weekend .

I need tips on what I can give them stars for and also what sanctions I can use? (With the ASD in mind).

Help please !

My only other option right now is to drown myself in a bath of gin !

My 6 year GD is exactly the same as this and has no "issues", think they grow up very quickly these days and its how they behave, yes, remove tablets (I dont think 4 or 6 year olds should have them anyway) download some reward charts online, try carrot first, then stick (not literally!!) Stars for any good behavour. Dont drown in gin (I hate it) use champers!

I don't like them using the tablets too much but DD1 sometimes just needs to be engrossed in something to calm her down .

Yy to champers

Bump

My dd 8 is just like this. She's NT. Her sister is 7 and has asd and is much easier. I'm at my wits end with my 8 year old as she is constantly rude, back chatty and a general pain in the butt. You have my sympathy and a virtual bottle of wine.

No advice just wanted to say you are not alone- my 2 DS are 6 and 4 and they frustrate me so much I sometimes end up weeping and wishing I was anywhere else but with them. Hope someone has some advice soon!!

My DD1 is 6 and does all of that. She hasn't been diagnosed as ASD and she behaves beautifully at school and can be so kind and considerate but also rude, demanding, awful at listening etc.
I have to say I ignore ignore ignore, I ask nicely twice, warn that I'm going to get cross, then shout, ban ipad etc.
Hunger and tiredness and anxiety are key triggers - I tend to let her calm down and then go for cuddles etc
No advice but much sympathy it's exhausting

Sympathies op. My dd sounds so similar to yours. She's also six, pretty sure she's NT but she's got a godawful temper.

Only advice I can offer is what kind of gin to drown yourself in.

behaves beautifully at school

Oh yes, total angel for anyone else

With regard to ignoring you about putting shoes on etc. I'd suggest trying Cathy Glass's 'closed choice' technique i.e. Are you going to put your left or right shoe on first? It gives them choice so a sense of control as well as them agreeing to do the thing you need them to. I look after a NT 8yo and when I need her to do something this is a great technique. For example violin practice - do you want to do it before or after dinner?

From what I've read a lot of behaviour programmes like 123 magic and star charts and so on don't work well for ASD children. I think you need some specific advice. Don't assume her bad behaviour is definitely not related to her ASD it is a pervasive condition and for example if she has been stressed out by her day (that an NT child would cope with ok) she may play up.