Potty training and nursery

[Petrichery]

This a genuine AIBU - if i am i want to know now before i get too PFB about this. Sorry it is long.

My DD is two next week. She started potty training last Saturday, so just under a week ago. I wasn't intending to start this early, but she loved the "i want my potty" book and started wanting to put pants on rather than nappies and go on the toilet so i thought we'd give it a go.

Sat - Mon she was at home with me and things seemed to be going okay. A couple of accidents each day, but seemed to be getting the idea a bit more each day. The only major issue is that she (still) hasn't poo-ed on the toilet/potty, instead waiting until she had a nappy on at night or nap time. I read a whole lot of old mumsnet threads for advice and this seems to be a not-unusual stage for a lot of children, and the advice seems to be to just not stress them about it and they will catch up with pooing in a toilet in their own time so i am trying not to push it.

Tues and Weds she went to nursery and they reported that she'd done well, two small accidents on Tues and only one on Weds, so overall seemed okay.

On Thurs she was at home with me and we had a totally dry day, albeit with me asking every hour/hour-and-a-half if she needed the toilet, she only told me independently she did once.

Today, Friday, was another nursery day. I was met just now at pick up by one of her key workers with a very serious expression who took me aside to say that my DD had had three accidents today, one of them a poo in her pants, and she hadn't told them she needed the toilet at all and "seemed happy to just sit there in poo not telling anyone". She said with distaste that they had obviously thrown away the pants. When we got home i found my DD had quite bad nappy rash which she hardly ever gets, so she must have been sitting in it for some time. The nursery nurse seemed to be heavily suggesting that, as my daughter hadn't informed them she needed/had had a wee/poo, she wasn't ready to potty train and should go back to nappies.

Is she right? I thought we were doing quite well for the first week, although obviously not perfect, but she is my firstborn so i don't have any experience with this. I'm going to carry on over the coming Sat-Mon whilst she's with me, but if she just isn't ready yet I don't want to push her into something she isn't ready for. Also, if i am not BU, shouldn't nursery nurses be a bit more vigilant with those children they know are newly potty training, checking on them a bit more regularly and asking/telling them to go to the toilet rather than relying solely on self-motivation? Afterall it was only a week ago that sitting in a nappy doing a poo wasn't at all wrong for her, and although she is quite articulate for 2 she is only 2. Or am i being unrealistic and she is just too young for this and should be telling them by now?

I have worked with this age in nursery and to me it does sound as though she's not quite ready for toilet training at nursery. It's very different being one to one at home with a parent who can focus solely on you and adapt whatever you are doing to accommodate toilet training than being in a busy group at nursery and engrossed in all the noise and bustle of what's going on.

The nappy rash indicating she's been sitting in it a while is not good at all though and had she been in my care I would have ensured we followed your routine of taking her as far as we could.

The distaste shown by the staff was inappropriate and unfair imo.

Personally I would go for pull ups at nursery and request that her key person gives her the chance to go to the toilet often but with no pressure. Nursery can be quite stressful enough (though lots of fun!) for tinies without the added pressure of remembering to go to the toilet.

She seems to be getting the hang of it so I wouldn't stop, sometimes you get days where they have more accidents because they're still learning and it's completely normal
The key worker should have been checking her more often but half the time it's not always easy for them to do so

Sorry YANBU but I'd adapt for the benefit of your daughter if I were in your position.

I have no idea why I pressed send too soon, but the rest of the post was agreeing with pp about possibly using pull ups so she's still able to use the potty but it's not a hardship if she misses

Thank you both - for the sympathy as well as the advice. I feel less grumpy about the conversation now
I think you're right, i'm thinking too much of how it is easy for me to do with only one child to concentrate on and no distractions.
I think i'll stick with it this weekend and then take in pull-ups next Tuesday and give them the choice.

Are you sure the nursery nurse was not just trying to explain why her bottom was sore. That they hadn't realised she had pooed as she hadn't said.
Not that she isn't ready just more " we didn't intentional leave her in dirty pants" I am sure it just came across wrong.

See how she goes over the next few days, if she is doing well don't stop. The nursery are they to help and encourage toilet training.

Nursery practitioner here ,20+ years.

I think it sounds like things are going well - hard to believe. I personally don't recommend pull ups, they are essentially nappies. They don't in my experience help kids feel the wetness, I know some have put pants on then pull ups with success though. My top tip is to keep drinking- make it fun/ straws /milkshakes etc lots of drinks will help little one to feel a full bladder and make the connection. I was a nanny for eight years and potty trained a lot! Nursery sometimes like an easy life for obvious reasons but I'd stick with it a bit longer personally and then offer an alternative .