Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To think the mum should send a text?

8 replies

ScooterOnTheMotorway · 09/06/2017 19:58

Dc has had a couple of friends around after school for the last three days, including today. They are preteens but have phones. They have been out to the park, in and out of the house on the Xbox and trampoline and ended up here each early evening. So naturally as it was tea time, I have fed them. (Although tonight there is only one).

I don't mind feeding them at all, it isn't much trouble to throw in a couple of extra pieces of fish or chicken or use the whole bag of oven chips rather than half.

However, each night they have been here until around eight o'clock. My older preteens I don't mind staying up and I just bring my younger one in. But the mother has not contacted me at all? I assume - but don't definitely know - that she knows where they are? The first night I did text and say "just letting you know x and y have had dinner at night but they are back out trampolining so may be hungry again when they get home!" And she was quite relaxed about it. And said thank you :) but there hasn't been any communication since then?

Like I said they are lovely kids, and I can treat them like my own "oi you lot, dishes to the sink!" And they are very polite, always say please and thank you.

So is this normal for preteens? I don't want to text and tell her they are here as 1) she might already know or 2) she might think I mind when I don't or 3) she thinks I am hassling her each time they turn up.

It has been lovely having them around - makes the afternoons pass quickly and as the kids are occupied I am being very productive in the house :) I just need to make sure I have a load of quick dinners in the freezer and the Xbox controllers are charged!

OP posts:

Boodles · 09/06/2017 20:09

Personally I wouldn't give them tea without checking first, their parents may be cooking them a meal at home.


CaulkheadUpNorf · 09/06/2017 20:12

I think it depends. In the area I live now, children would have to have their own tea, call and check staying past 5 etc.

Where my friend lives it would be very normal. As would children from 7 upwards going for a bike ride for a few hours.

Obviously this isn't helpful, but it is normal in some families/communities


SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/06/2017 20:16

If they are staying later than you want them to, you can tell them it's time to go home.

I do think it is a bit odd for them to be away from home over teatime without some sort of communication - when mine were that age, I'd have talked to/texted the host mum to make sure she was OK with the visit, and I'd assume I was feeding them, unless she specifically offered them tea.


unapaloma · 09/06/2017 20:21

I'd have told them to text their parents to say where they are and to check its OK for them to stay for tea. Do you know that they didn't tell their mums where they were? Might they have done this?
As an aside, I've had a 5 year old invite herself on a day out (had never met her before but she was playing in our road, and my 8 yo knew her from school). Was a bit surprised her mum just said OK (I checked before we left) when she didn't know me at all and off we went.

Have also had kids turn up and play in our garden, then seen their DMs collect them (thru kitchen window) and would not have spoken to me at all (I usually made a point of people introducing myself tho, as they were in my garden :-D).
People have v different parenting styles...


poisonedbypen · 09/06/2017 20:25

I would say something like "Would you like to stay for tea, better check with mum that she's ok with that & doesn't have anything planned". Or even, "does your mum know where you are?". No harm at all in asking that. Or "What time are you due home?"


RossGellersteeth · 09/06/2017 20:45

Do they have phones? Maybe they're texting the mothers and telling them where they are/that they're staying for tea so the mothers feel no need to text. I still think the mother should text you though, just to say thanks.


ScooterOnTheMotorway · 09/06/2017 20:53

Ok so general consensus is I or the child should check re tea. I didn't think people might not want me to feed them actually as if I had cooked a meal and they weren't home I would either put it aside t warm up later or have the next day. As the teens I know are generally told if they have to be home for an important meal so I assumed it would be the same for these kids and what I would probably do with mine. Although politeness would probably dictate I text and say thanks! (I am not looking for thanks, btw, just communication of some sort that she is ok with them here late)

This is a whole new world for me as mine are the oldest but the friends are younger siblings of much older children - I think they are in their twenties now? And the Mum has always let them out to do stuff much younger than the rest of us, probably as she has been through it before. She probably thinks we are pfb mothers! I know last summer their neighbor said they were out until gone nine or ten, so I guess eight is early when it is still light.

I struggle to know what is normal as well as I didn't grow up in this country and the teens I work with are well past this age!

No problems kicking them out, I said tonight best you be off don't want you in trouble for missing curfew, whenis mum expecting you home? To which they replied yeah about now! But had no idea what time it was Grin

OP posts:

ScooterOnTheMotorway · 09/06/2017 20:54

Xpost, yes they age phones but usually they are on the table for the duration as they are running about on the trampoline or jumping in the stream down at the park.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?