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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request a c section due to sexual abuse as a teenager.

53 replies

patronsaintofglocks · 09/06/2017 16:09

Hi everyone.

Thank you for reading.

I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my first baby and suffer from some mental health problems relating to previous trauma.

Although I am generally very well and posituve about my life and pregnant I am utterly petrified about giving birth.
I am so so fearful that internal examinations will trigger me into panic attacks and make childbirth almost impossible, as I was brutally sexually abused as a teen by a family member.
I am under a consultant for this pregnancy as I am deemed as high risk due to a previous blood clot.

Would IBU to speak with my midwife honestly and ask if they would consider a csection due to this?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Blastandtroph · 09/06/2017 16:12

YANBU. I'm certain your midwife and consultant would support you in the best choice for you.

MrsLlaneous · 09/06/2017 16:14

I've be no experience but didn't want to read and run. I think you should absolutely speak to your midwife, I don't want to worry you but you might have to be firm with them so they don't try and talk you out of it (depends on your midwife) I can't see why you shouldn't have a c section though. Best of luck Flowers

brummiesue · 09/06/2017 16:14

I cant possibly see how this would be a problem, psychological issues are just as important as physical. Please discuss it at your next appointment, good luck x

PurpleDragon76 · 09/06/2017 16:15

YANBU and I hope you get help and support through your laboir and birth Flowers

kateclarke · 09/06/2017 16:16

Please talk to your midwife. I'm many areas there are specialist midwives for people in your situation. It has been well researched and recognised as an issue. You should be taken seriously and supported.
I wish you well and congratulations on your pregnancy.

ArchieStar · 09/06/2017 16:16

My midwife told me that as long as I felt comfortable and a risk assessment was in place I could give birth in the car park if I wished, I hope yours will tell you the same as this is a very valid reason to want a c section!

Good luck OP Flowers

Moanyoldcow · 09/06/2017 16:18

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable.

I would say, however, if you can avoid a c-section I would. I had one which was unpleasant BUT the real horror was the recovery - all my friends who gave birth vaginalky recovered SO much more quickly.

You don't have to have internal examinations either.

So sorry to hear about your terrible experiences. Flowers

DuggeeHugs · 09/06/2017 16:20

Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

YANBU to want a CS after your experiences. An open chat with your midwife is definitely the right place to start. She may also be able to refer you to specialist support to deal with your fears. The NICE guidance on requesting a CS is here: www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg132/chapter/1-Guidance
I think 1.2.9 is the section which talks about support and choice.

Apart from this there is also the My Body Back project in London. It is an NHS maternity clinic which is designed specifically to support women in your position through pregnancy and birth: www.mybodybackproject.com/our-maternity-clinics/

The contact details should be in the link and I understand they take referrals from around the country.

I hope all goes well for you Smile

Her0utdoors · 09/06/2017 16:23

YANBU. Your midwife should be able to support you in your choice. As I said on another thread recently, and I don't wish to cause you further distress, please inform your self of what a c section involves as you are likely to need a urinary catheter, an anylgesic suppository and possibly a VE. I had a doula present for my resent c section who supported me and ensured that I felt comfortable with everything the procedure involved and that the medical staff were full aware that the required my consent before they acted.

Anditstartsagain · 09/06/2017 16:24

Don't ask if you can have one go and and tell them you want one for your mental health arm yourself on all the pro's and con's. Mine was agreed straight away because I was sure and fully understood all the risks.

IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 09/06/2017 16:24

Yanbu but you also don't have to have internal examinations for a vaginal delivery.

Libitina · 09/06/2017 16:26

Please be aware that you will have a catheter inserted into your bladder before the procedure starts. This can be done when the spinal anaesthetic is in and working, so you won't really feel anything. Also, that immediately after the surgery, the surgeon will examine you below and may possibly need to clean your vagina with a swab to remove any blood clots and check for bleeding. For the first hour or two, the staff will want to check you below for blood loss to make sure you aren't bleeding excessively.

Syc4moreTrees · 09/06/2017 16:29

I think it's quite common now to have an elective section, so doubt it will be a problem. Congratulations and good luck xx

MoominFlaps · 09/06/2017 16:30

I don't agree a c section recovery is always worse FWIW, I was up and about the day after mine and was totally pain free after a week.

OooGrapes · 09/06/2017 16:34

I did, for exactly this reason. I had a c-section and refused anything else, I knew I couldn't have done anything else.

Speak honestly with your midwife, doctor and consultant. They see this more often than you think.

Good luck.

OooGrapes · 09/06/2017 16:35

Oh yes, and I recovered quickly with no problems at all.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/06/2017 16:42

I am not trying to draw parallels with my life to yours as I was not sexually abused. I was petrified of giving birth and I used paid for an independent midwife. I don't know if this an option for you. And if it is, they will help you through whichever birth you decide to have. I wanted a c section but knew it would be better for my body to not have one. After working with her, I had a vaginal delivery despite the hospital wanting to c section me because of a chronic back issue, which I felt was the wrong decision.

I'm not trying to sway you against an elective c section. I'm just talking to you about being looked after the best way you can as you want birth to be a positive experience and explain the procedure to you.

londonrach · 09/06/2017 16:44

Yanbu. Talk to midwife about this. Cant see it being a problem. Someone i know didnt breast feed due to a sexual attack and requested that no one mention breastfeeding at the hospital or any midwife. As far as im aware her wishes were requested.

Congratulations op xx

PreparingToBeAMummy · 09/06/2017 16:44

I have a similar background to you and have recently spoken to doctors about this for when I conceive.

The genre consensus was that they would not allow an elective for this reason. Although small, they come with a greater risk and as my GP described it, the most important principle of medicine is "first do no harm".... and they are at a greater risk of harming you with a c section.

I haven't pushed this further as I'm not yet even trying for a baby so I can't promise that you wouldn't succeed. However I was a bit concerned that by making such a big deal out of how traumatizing a natural birth would be, they would then question my ability to be coping after labour.... and I wouldn't want to raise any issues there.

What I did do which was really really helpful was to buy a book called Bump (by Kate Evans possibly?). It was recommended to me on here. It is hugely supportive and has lots and LOTS of information about what interventions are suggested, when they are needed and a constant reminder thst they are OPTIONAL.

It helped me decide that I will aim for a natural labour with total refusal of internal exams and only external exams when consented to in advance.

It is your birth and your body and they can suggest and encourage but they cannot make you do anything you don't want. My GP told me that even if to not intervene would mean I would potentially die or baby would die, if I was of sound mind and clear in my refusal then they still could not touch me. In some ways thst was supportive for me to hear.

reallyanotherone · 09/06/2017 16:45

I would normally say your choice.

But- you will need to consider carefully, and discuss with your consultant, the risks of surgery if you are already prone to clotting.

A section will increase the likelihood of clot formation, and also bleeding if you are on medication.

I have every sympathy. Maybe get some counselling in? Talk it through with as many people as you can to get a proper picture of risks.

user1495025590 · 09/06/2017 16:53

Don't know what you mean by saying a panic attack would make childb irth impossible?

NerrSnerr · 09/06/2017 16:53

I have had 2 c sections. The first one I had two bleeds, one during and one after. The doctor internally examined me on the table and afterwards to feel my cervix (i lost nearly 2 litres overall so was quite serious). I couldn't feel a thing though, if I closed my eyes I wouldn't have known what she was doing. As PP said, they also put a catheter in, but I couldn't feel it due to the spinal. I told them to do what they needed and not tell me so I was none the wiser behind the sheet.

The second section there was no need for internals but as PP said the midwives do look at the pads to check for bleeding as it's tough to look yourself before the spinal has worn off.

user1489675144 · 09/06/2017 16:54

YANBU

My very best wishes for the birth plan (C-section) that suits you.

Italiangreyhound · 09/06/2017 16:59

patronsaintofglocks I don't think you are being unreasonable to request this at all.

I think it is helpful to tall to your doctor/midwife/whatever now about this. Maybe counselling would help too.

Good luck Thanks

freemanbatch · 09/06/2017 17:03

YANBU at all and if that is what you want you should speak to your midwife and I'm fairly certain she'll be able to help.

My entire community midwife team were amazing when I was pregnant, not by choice, and I was struggling with it all so I think you will find most midwives to be trained to support you and if not they'll pass you on to someone who can.

I did have one incident with a newly qualified midwife from a different team when I was overdue where she advised having sex to bring on the labour! She was obviously concerned by my reaction to what she'd said because the manager of my local team was here within half an hour to apologise and check I was ok!

Midwives and consultants are there to support you and I think in this case they'd agree with you that a c section was best for you and the baby.