To want my children to do more around the house? Would love some tips for lazy children

[flossyfloss]

So my kids are 11,9 and 5.

The just turned 11 yr old is what I would call babyish for her age, she starts high school in September and I want to get her prepared (plus for her age I think she should do more anyway) she knows how to make snacks/sandwich etc but doesn't clean up after herself properly which infuriates me and I end up doing it for her to avoid the mess - so suppose I need to start allowing her to do it and physically show her how to clean up after herself.

In the mornings she does her own hair and gets herself dressed and ready for school - I currently make their packed lunches and wondering if I should start allowing them to make their own regularly? They do occasionally if I ask.

They don't make their beds I do it and eldest doesn't know how to use the washing machine - should I be showing her at this age?

I feel pathetic writing all this as I'm sure at her age I was much more independent I think I've always took over as it's quicker and less mess but realise eldest particularly needs to learn independence. What about ironing? What age is it appropriate to teach them?

Yes you show them and get them to join in then they do it.

At that age I was washing and ironing my uniform, I could cook, I did house work.....

I would do a rota. 11 and 9yo should be able to make lunches, make own beds (IE replace sheets when washed) and put a wash on. I would get them to take turns doing lunches and putting a wash on and then help each other with the beds on the weekend. My 5yo will bring cups/plates etc to the sink after a meal and I make him put a pillowcase on his pillow when I change sheets.

Show them.
Do it with them.
Watch them do it.
They do it alone.

That's the progression. If they make a mess, a quick, "mess" rather than endless blah about it. And thank them for it when they don't, "thanks for cleaning up after yourself". Works.

Yes she should be doing more. Show her how then tell her exactly what's expected. There must be consequences for her if she doesn't do what's been asked of her. Once you decide what you want her to do, you should NOT do it, no matter what.

Oh dont get me started!

No helpful advice sorry but placemarking for advice too.

I have two DCs who are waited on hand and foot when at their Dads and expect the same treatment when they come back here. Sure they think I've got mug written on my forehead

To ne honest I dont get further than saying "I'm not asking you to do x, I'm telling you to do x". The only relevant advice I was ever given was how to talk to them and how subtle the differences are.

Ie when leaving for school: "Can you get your coat on please?".

You're asking your child, almost like you're in a subservient (for want of a better word!) role.

Try "Get your coat on please". You've took away the request, it's a command but a polite command.

Obviously these get trickier as they get older!

Mine are just turned 8 and almost 12.

These are their daily chores which they do mostly without being asked:

Feed pets
Get own breakfast
Put own dishes in dishwasher
Make lunches/get money for dinners from the jar
One empties and the other fills the dishwasher
Set the table for dinner
Clear the table after dinner
Rinse the bath after using

These are things they're supposed to do but don't until I yell a couple of times:

Put washing in laundry
Wipe bathroom sink after brushing teeth
Making beds
Keep rooms tidy
Bring dishes out of bedrooms/front room

These are things they do on an ad hoc basis when I feel like asking them:

Make me a cup of tea
Load the washing machine and turn on
Lift the dog poo from the garden (older DS only)
Hoover a room
Make their own (simple) dinner