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To be so annoyed at dh going for a night out

12 replies

SarahJane333 · 08/06/2017 18:12

For context DH only goes out about 6-8 times a year but always gets ridiculously drunk and gets in around 3 or 4am and is then next to useless the next day. Every time he mentions an upcoming night out it fills me with dread, I'm not sure why this is, probably because he gets so very drunk and also because I hate being by myself at night.

We've just had the worst 6 weeks, I've been in hospital for a good few weeks, been home for 2 weeks and during that time was diagnosed with a very serious illness (think cancer or brain tumour). This illness is making me feel ill, very tired and upset. I've carried on working this week despite feeling awful, done school picks (which takes about 2 hours as we have 4 children in 3 different schools and nurseries) battled with insurance companies to approve the treatment I need to start asap (we're not in the uk so have medical insurance) and just generally had a really rough few days.

He asks this afternoon if it's ok if he goes out tonight (he went out last week too). Aibu to be so upset? I told him to do whatever he wanted but he knew I was upset, I could barely talk to him. I feel so let down. He said he would be up in the morning with the kids but I highly doubt he'll be home before 3am so I can't see that happening and selfishly I'd been counting on a bit of a lie in tomorrow to try and recover from the awful few days I've had. Not to mention how much I would have liked some emotional support too.

OP posts:

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 08/06/2017 18:13

Just tell him no.


TheNaze73 · 08/06/2017 18:21

I think time with friends is important. However, he should have give. You more notice


MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2017 18:27

I can't see that happening and selfishly I'd been counting on a bit of a lie in tomorrow to try and recover from the awful few days I've had. Why is that selfish?

And stop saying to do what he wants when you don't mean it. Talk to him honestly, "could you choose either suck up your hangover and get up with the kids and be a parent, or don't drink so much". Going out with friends is important but being so drunk you can't function isn't.

DH likes a drink but he still gets up and acts like a grown-up.


SunsetGrigio · 08/06/2017 18:31

Just tell him what you've told us, he's your partner and you need his support


Whosthemummynow · 08/06/2017 19:08

I told him to do whatever he wanted but he knew I was upset

Gah! The man's not a mind reader! Tell him!!


SarahJane333 · 08/06/2017 19:08

It feels so wrong to say no don't go out, I don't want to be that person. I'm just hurt that it was so important to him today when I'm having such a crap few days.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/06/2017 19:10

You don't have to say, "don't go out". You can say, "when you go out you get so drunk that you can't function. What are you going to do about that? I'm tired and need some support.".


CherieBabySpliffUp · 08/06/2017 19:12

If he does go out then definitely don't get up with the children in the morning. Let him deal with them no matter how bad the hangover! I fail to see why anyone feels the need to get so drunk they are incapable.


user1471548375 · 08/06/2017 19:12

It's really unfair to someone to say one thing and then expect another. It's even more unfair to get upset at them for it.

It sounds like a shit time - but if he was asking, I'd say it was because he genuinely didn't know one way or the other. Tell him you'd appreciate it if he didn't as you don't feel great.


MadisonMontgomery · 08/06/2017 19:16

I would expect him to get up with the children. He is an adult, he ought to be able to think about the impact him getting so drunk he cannot function would have on his ill wife, and act accordingly. Therefore, he has said he will get up with the children so that is what he will do. If a lie-in will help with your health then have a lie-in, and do not feel obliged to do otherwise.


TheDowagerCuntess · 08/06/2017 19:24

Just say - that's fine, enjoy, but I need a lie-in tomorrow, so you'll need to be up at X o'clock to deal with the kids.


AlansLeftMoob · 08/06/2017 20:44

I'm so sorry you're unwell. Maybe he doesn't realise how bad you still feel and how tired you are? Could this be his way of coping with everything that's happened? He must have been worried about you and maybe feels that it's okay now because you're home?

Honestly you need to have a word and tell him how you really feel, otherwise you'll be annoyed all night and you won't sleep, then you'll be p**ssed off at him tomorrow and he won't know why because you said it was okay when it's not okay.

Could you do a compromise and ask him to be home early because you're really tired? x

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