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AIBU to stick to penalty?

17 replies

NoodleBrain · 08/06/2017 12:38

this morning my dd(8) told a fib and maintained this stance for about 10 minutes despite it getting her younger sister into trouble, and even on challenging her to answer honestly, she didn't. she eventually caved when I said they'd both have to have some sort of penalty as one of them wasn't telling the truth...what she was fibbing about was tiny and I would have had a word and then let it go, but I just can't bare fibs so banned her from a club visit this evening...she is ordinarily incredibly good - am I being too harsh? TIA

OP posts:

scottishdiem · 08/06/2017 12:45

Is there a difference between being good at and really liking?

I used to do activities that were fun and would have been sad to miss but there were others that I would have happily sat out.

Does she get pocket money - maybe deduct some of that in future?

Lies arent helpful so need to be punished when caught.


NoodleBrain · 08/06/2017 12:48

Oh no, she loves this club and is mortified... she doesn't routinely get cash in her hand from us, but am thinking of starting that, and then I'll have another option in the future!

OP posts:

Goldenbear · 08/06/2017 12:51

I think being harsh - life is too short. Remember she's had the whole day at school to feel bad that she's not going.


tiggerbounce77 · 08/06/2017 13:00

Maybe a bit of a harsh punishment but you have told her already that she can't go, by allowing her to go she make think that you are a push over. I would potentially wait until she is home and discuss with her what she has done. If you do decide to let her go then she needs to clearly understand that next time she would miss out and there would be no way of her redeeming herself


NoodleBrain · 08/06/2017 13:02

yep - I have a feeling that she feels worse than me and I feel like a proper meany! I just need to work out an exit strategy that doesn't look like a U-turn :)

OP posts:

arbrighton · 08/06/2017 13:08

No, FFS stick to your guns. Don't change your mind or you're even worse as you 'fibbed' more.... You need to follow through or it sets a bad example
If she's ordinarily good, I'm sure you won't need to do it again.


Goldenbear · 08/06/2017 13:12

Ordinarily, do you have to do anything when she is at the club? As she has had the day to dwell on it, you could tell her that she will be allowed to go after all as it is an inconvenience to yourself and you have to do 'x' - write an email, go and vote etc. Something official that she doesn't quite get but is 'true' otherwise you'd be a hypocrite. Then remind her that fibbing is not on as you trust her implicitely like you hope she does you. Or something similar. This way everything is covered.


honeysucklejasmine · 08/06/2017 13:13

Why on earth would you change your mind? You told her what the consequence was, now stick to it. And don't threaten things you aren't prepared to do in future.


Goldenbear · 08/06/2017 13:13

How has the Op fibbed?


Goldenbear · 08/06/2017 13:15

Yes she was warned of a penalty but the penalty is disproportionate to the action.


RhiWrites · 08/06/2017 13:17

So she got the same punishment she'd have had anyway? Don't think she'll bother telling the truth another time then.


cornflakegirl · 08/06/2017 13:40

Since her fib was getting her sister into trouble, can she earn back her club by doing something nice for her sister?


Allthebestnamesareused · 08/06/2017 20:24

I am another one who thinks you have to go through with threatened punishment or dd will see you don't go through with consequences.

She will also think twice about fibbing or lying again. Next time don't chose a punishment as a knee jerk reaction but a more proportionate one but don't back down.


notanevilstepmother · 08/06/2017 20:43

Lying really annoys me. Especially if it gets someone else in trouble. I'd punish it worse than other things.


bridgetreilly · 08/06/2017 20:54

Seems a perfectly reasonable punishment to me, and you should definitely stick to it now that you've said it. If you want, give them both a treat after the club - an ice cream or something.


mummabearfoyrbabybears · 08/06/2017 21:04

I'd stick with it. We seem to have a guilt complex these days that our parents never had and an enormous amount of self entitled children. Maybe the two are related Hmm


Westray · 08/06/2017 21:14

It's up to you OP.

I don't punish. One of the reasons is that I think it encourages kids to lie

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