to not want to look after neighbours ds?

[needtocleanmywindows]

Hi, I'm a name changer for this. You never know who's a mumsnetter.

I do a little bit of casual childminding. For neighbours and a few others. (I'm a qualified nanny and have done the cm course.)

I'm being vague with details on purpose, just in case.

My friend has asked me to have her son 3 days a week in a few months time.
I already do bits of cm for her.

Anyway I don't think I want to do this. Reason being, that during this time it will be just me and dd at home before she starts pre school in Jan. Ds will be starting to go to school all day.

Is is selfish/silly/rude/unhelpfull or over emotional to want to spend this time with dd and just dd?

I don't think so, but I don't know how to tell her without it sounding like I don't want to be with her ds. I know I would be just with dd for the other 2 days but I keep thinking it would be nice to have a term with just us together.

What do you think??

I think that sounds absolutely fine. Just tell her exactly what you've told us- that you want a term just you and dd and are not in the childminding market at the moment.

I should just explin how you feel

Thanks, its hard though as I'm still ok to look after her dd as that's just drop offs and pick ups when I've got others anyway.

I've been looking forward to this time with just me and dd. It sounds silly but it seems special to me.
This lady is quite a strong minded, opinionated person so I don't know how she'd take it. I think she thinks we're all agreed and sorted. We only had a casual chat about it over the fence.

what you want is reasonable. i'd explain that it's your last chance.

I agree with what the others have said, I would just be honest with her.

I know exactly what you mean, my elder dd has just started going to nursery and I love spending time doing stuff with just with my youngest dd, she has never really had me all to herself because her sister has always been there, you cant get that time back.

Dont feel guilty about it either, just be very clear that you dont want to or cant do it.

Thanks everyone.

Hmm, now I need to work out how to tell her.

I really don't think she'll get it. I need to explain that I want to be with just dd without hurting her feelings. She'll be like 'whats so bad about xxxx being there too?'

Also dh thinks that we need the money so I should do it.

Go with warthog's idea. Say - 'Sorry, but it's my last chance. You can't get that time back, you know.'

You could also say you've already promised that you'll spend the time with dd.

Shall I just wait for her to mention it again then?? Or shall I bring it into conversation??

I can't believe I'm scared to do this.

You probably need to make it clear to her, so that she's not counting on you.

What about something like - 'I'm really looking forward to when I've just got dd.
I've planned lots of nice things for us to do together. She's really looking forward to having me to herself in the day.'

If the neighbour persists, you could say 'Oh, I couldn't let dd down now.'

Say any other time "I would be happy to do it from January but I feel I really just want some time alone with DD before she starts pre school"

If she gets uppity surely its better than doing something you dont want to - tbh I wouldnt want anyone to mind my child unless their heart was really in it.

if you cant face talking to her write a letter and tell her in the letter you didnt feel comfortable telling her face to face but you really dont feel able to look after her ds as you want to spend time with your dd before she starts nursery, is there anyone else you can recommend to her who could look after her son?

good luck I know its hard to say no but its better than being stuck doing something you dont want to do and feeling fed up and resentful about it

Ok, I'll get it over with next time I see her.

Thanks.

I have done the letter idea before as I have a habit of crying when saying important things. So embarrasing. Hopefully I will be able to just tell her.
I will still have him, but in Jan when dd is at Pre school. I do like him!!! Its just the timing.

try not to worry about it, better to tell her sooner rather than later so she can get something else sorted

I've been asked to look after friend's children on a regular basis and have always pleasantly refused as whilst I don't mind ad hoc I don't want to be obligated to do certain things on certain days

I think it is totally acceptable but you should let her know as soon as possible

Zombiiiiiii. Child will be grown up now

Just tell her that you were planning on limiting your working hours to before and after school hours so that you could spend some time alone with your little one for the first time in their life until they start school, and you thought about it at first, but wanted to give them as much notice as possible to find something that suited them.

ZOMBIE 🧟‍♀️