To tell my boss to bugger off?

[DerelictWreck]

My boss has just decided that I need to go in his place to a formal event on Monday at an exclusive London venue, for which to dress code is black tie.

I'm pretty upset for a number of reasons (most of which are due to previous poor management from said boss and his habit of throwing me under the bus at the last minute), partly because the event is nothing to do with my field so I won't know anyone and won't have anything to talk about.

Aside from that, I also don't own anything formal enough for a black tie event, and am a bit embarrassed to say this to him. I'm a bit overweight (16) and very poor right now -not to mention sad because my relationship ended last Saturday- , so the idea of having to go out and find a dress this weekend just makes me unhappy :( But that's not his fault or problem, so can't use that as an excuse.

What do I do mumsnet hive? Can I get out of it? If I do have to go, help me find a dress?

You shouldn't be put in this position. If he was a reasonable person he might ask if you would like to go. However I would just say that you have a family/close friend event and that you would not be able to change at such sort notice. Failing that tell him that you don't want to go giving any of your reasons or none of them.

Thanks Muskey, no way he will believe I have something else on unfortunately as he knows I don't want to go, just not quite why.

The biggest reason I feel annoyed I suppose is that I don't see the value in it. It's more like I'm being handed his 'leftovers' as I never get to go to the things that are interesting or to which I could add value.

Would any expenses incurred include a new outfit?

scurryfunge Do you mean would my company cover the cost? Unfortunately not they're too tight and it wouldn't go down well if I asked!

I'm also worried it would look unprofessional as I sort of feel like I should have an appropriate outfit considering it's a professional setting, if that makes sense?

I agree op. I think for this one you need to bite the bullet and do it. Long term you need to address the work you're being allocated

Black tie is quite a bit less formal than it used to be.

I have seen female law partners wear black trousers and a nice shirt even, or short cocktail type dresses rather than full on evening wear.

Are you local to Cambridge? I can lend you something.

What's the worst thing that could happen? You'll be bored and it won't be helpful to you.
And the best thing? Useful networking, as you will have to make yourself converse with people, could advance your career, you could even meet someone who will introduce you to your next DP.
Try to go.
(I'd hate having to do it, but sometimes things work out better than you fear.)
Stay sober, stay sharp. Don't get pissed and make a fool of yourself through nervous drinking. (if you are that way inclined, you may well not be!)

It's not really the fear - I usually love networking events and things just like this.

I suppose I'm just resentful and feeling put out (he can't even be bothered to attend our catch-ups let alone actually manage me). Plus I'm grumpy for other reasons and taking it out on work which I know isn't on.

Honestly, if I already had something to wear I wouldn't complain at all much, it's just the idea of having to face Oxford Street on Saturday!

Thanks for all the advice so far guys!

If it's only about the shopping, go on ASOS, get the annual delivery pass, and order a dozen different things to try. They will come the next day, you try them all on at home, and send back what you don't like. ASOS has brilliant filters, you can choose many categories to narrow down your selection, and a huge range of price points. They have some gorgeous stuff at prices that will surprise you. And I promise I have no connection to them, other than having used this very handy service to get me out of trouble in the past!

I recently had a similar situation - unexpected black tie event for which I had nothing suitable to wear - and I definitely second ASOS. Got a lovely black chiffon long dress for £45 (and I'm at the chubbier end of the size spectrum).

I tried Asos and couldn't find anything?! Will have another look tonight because I must have done it wrong (been too picky hah)

Derelict I've pm'd you

If it helps there is a Facebook dress selling group called you'll never wear that dress again and it has some great stuff at brilliant prices that people have worn once, worth a look. Try to look at this as an opportunity to further your career and confidence and think about making sure your boss doesn't put you in this position again. Horrible to be pushed into something like this.

amazon....my mum needed a long dress for formal party and would never wear it again, i made her look on amazon...masses to chose from and lots on amazon prime ( sign up for 30 day free trial) we spent about 30 quid...and amazing dress. Best you could order loads , try on at home and send back ones you dont want
My dd also has some evening dresses from amazon

this kind of thing:

www.amazon.co.uk/MIUSOL-Christmas-Evening-Pleated-XXX-Large/dp/B01A9MWOD4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1496859668&sr=8-2&keywords=long%2Bevening%2Bdresses%2Bfor%2Bwomen&th=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/d/Womens-Clothing/HE09816LB08-Ever-Pretty-Wedding-Dresses/B00DARJSQM/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1496859668&sr=8-6&keywords=long%2Bevening%2Bdresses%2Bfor%2Bwomen&th=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

this might be nice if you need/want something a bit floaty to skin over any bits you are not happy about :)

No!
you hire a dress and the company pays for that - it is then tax deductible
You don't spend your own money
its a business expense

I could not think of a worse way to spend an evening myself. Surely you can find some reason to say no that will sound credible?

Ooooh I just got a load of beautiful dresses from Scarlett & Jo clearance and had a 50% discount code "50clearance"....I got £350 worth of dresses for £91, absolutely delighted! They start from a size 14.

Ooh I've got 3 formal dresses in a size 16 my mum gave me to sell that I forgot all about - worn once or not worn ( bought from Coast for a cruise on the QE2). I'm Surrey/London borders if this info is in any way helpful.

You are getting some great advice here on the outfit. Similar happened to me years ago, and when I agreed to attend something at the last minute (it was a conference 300 miles away) I make my boss promise me that she would not change her mind and go.

My question was met by silence. Then she asked why and I just replied I would expect her to ask the same and leave it at that. It drove her mad - she wanted a full report afterwards, and she never asked me to sub for her again.

Ask yourself what would a man have to do. To me, (male) black tie means a dinner jacket. As it happens, I do have one from uni, too fat for it now but if I really needed one for work I would have to hire one.

I would ask if work would cover the cost of the hire in that case.

If it is work - they should pay, and I reckon even the shyest of blokes would probably ask.

That being so, I would ask about a contribution.

www.asos.com/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=7494457 this is the one I got. I'm a 16-18 and this fit perfectly in an 18 (oh but I cut out the weird choker neck/back strap thing).

For what it's worth, for a work related formal event I would not wear full length evening wear. I've been to many and never worn full on evening dress - in my experience it's more likely to be men in evening dress and women in cocktail dresses.
Get a black cocktail dress that you might be likely to wear again and wear some nice jewellery and shoes.

I 2nd Scarlett & Jo, I bought 2 dresses this week and used the clearance code. Cost me £40 for them. I was lucky enough to go a sample sale and bought 8 dresses for £100 was amazing!

Haven't you remember that you are supposed to be at mine on Monday? You can't go.

Shame.